Tales of an Empathic Metamorph
by qt3.14159
Summary: Grey Female Exile: The Exile finds herself on Peragus and begins the adventures that change her life once again. This is the story of an Exile struggling to deal with the effects of her bonds with her crewmates and others from her past.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This story was inspired by quite a few different things, but the title is a reference to a character in a Star Trek TNG episode. It is completely AU to my other stories and will be nothing but pure unadulterated smut. Enjoy!

* * *

_:Awaken:_

The matronly voice echoed in her head. Alevia frowned in her semi-conscious state and then closed her eyes tighter in an attempt to ignore the lingering sense that there was something she needed to do. She just wanted to sleep, just a little longer.

The machine she was floating in sensed the change in her consciousness however, and began to drain the thick sticky fluid that surrounded her and she slowly sank to the floor. The front of the tank opened and removing her mask she stumbled out of the tank and collapsed on the cold bare floor, where sleep overtook her once more.

She shivered violently. The massive amounts of the damp kolto still stuck to her body and the chill coming up from the floor finally made her open her eyes. A medbay, corpse occupied kolto tanks and not a living soul in sight. She struggled to her feet as a fit of coughing overtook her. Bits of phlegm and kolto were violently ejected from her lungs and she gagged at the bitter taste of the healing liquid.

She staggered into the control room and began rifling through the supplies there looking for a blanket, a towel, or anything that could have been used to warm her up. She found a small disposable towel and used it as best as she could to dry off… her underwear was still wet though, and it didn't look like there was going to be much she could do about that.

When the old lady in the morgue that she had thought to be dead spoke to her she nearly came out of her skin. That voice... it had been the voice that woke her. Alevia stared rudely as the woman adjusted her robe down covering her nonfunctional eyes and finally attempted to respond to the older woman. Her hoarse questions were answered by vague and generally useless answers and when the old woman began speculating about Alevia's own Jedi training everything about the old woman clicked into place.

Alevia's answers became terse then. The woman didn't have that goody goody Jedi Master feel about her, but she was Jedi none the less, and Alevia had no desire to have anything to do with those people again, any of them.

As soon as she was able to end the conversation, she began exploring the facility, hoping beyond hope that she would find someone that could get her a ride off this rock. She was beginning to lose that hope though when every door she opened wound up having more dead bodies and more hostile droids behind them. Some of these people had been dead a while and the smell was beginning to get to her. She retched heavily as she pulled a vibroblade off of a nearby corpse. She'd seen her share of corpses in her life, but she would never get used to the smell.

As she wiped her mouth became aware of an odd vibration that seemed to hover around her and the old woman's voice sounded in her head again. "Can you feel it?" She asked. "It is the force," she explained. Alevia frowned. It didn't feel like the force had ever felt before, but she tentatively reached out with her hand and attempted the most basic Jedi skill. To her surprise the small piece of droid debris she was focusing on began to shake and shudder as it lifted off the ground. She focused harder and the shaking stopped as the item began to turn slowly. _Impossible_ she thought to herself as fear began to well up inside her. Suddenly she flicked her hand and the small part slammed violently into the wall shattering into tiny pieces.

She stalked angrily into the next corridor and unleashed a stream of force energy into the droid that crossed her path. When the droid didn't explode as she was expecting she shook her head in disgust. It just stood there whirring quietly as if her attack had managed to flip a small switch instead of destroying the central processing unit she'd been aiming for. Apparently she was sorely out of practice.

She accessed every computer, unlocked every cabinet and every door and tried her damnedest to find something, anything that could help her. It was on the command deck terminal when her luck finally started to improve. The camera there showed a man, alive apparently, sitting in a force cage. As far as she could tell from the security feed, he was pretty damned attractive too. Yep, her luck was definitely looking up.

When she entered the small security room with the force cage she couldn't help but grin as his expression changed from one of relief when she appeared to one of pure and simple lust. Her dark hair and her skimpy clothes were still mostly wet and slightly transparent in places and even where they were dry, the sticky kolto residue kept them clinging tightly to her form.

When he finally spoke, she knew immediately from his cocky drawl that this was a man who was used to getting his way in life, especially with women. Atton Rand was his name. She couldn't help but smirk as she thought how fitting a name it was for one who so obviously held his sexual prowess in such high regard. Her grin became sultry and spread to her eyes as she leaned against the door and enjoyed the smooth answers to all of her questions of both current events and history.

When he made a comment about how her half naked interrogation was a personal fantasy of his and then in the same breath realized that she was the Jedi that had triggered most of these problems she wondered briefly how those two ideas were so connected in his mind. But now he was asking to be let out and she reveled in the feeling of control she had over him at that moment. She finally did let him out, after giving him shit about being trustworthy, of course, as she had planned to all along.

She followed him back over to the command terminal and watched as he deftly pushed buttons and broke into the com system. When he began to grumble about systems being shut down she peered over his shoulder, trying to see the screen he was looking at. Her breast brushed against his arm and his fingers paused at their task momentarily. She leaned in closer to him and with her breath hot on his ear asked if he thought they'd be able use the com system to contact anyone else on the station.

He told her she was welcome to try as he sidestepped away from the terminal and her touch. She frowned slightly, but she also recognized the feint for what it was. He was trying to reestablish control over this little interaction. Apparently he wasn't used to being the prey on this kind of hunt. She glanced at him sideways and winked as she leaned forward over the com mic, her ample cleavage spilling out over the top of her undershirt, and began making calls to the different areas of the facility.

She was finally answered by a utility droid that seemed happy to help her find a way off this locked down level and she slunk down into a nearby chair, resting her long bare legs on the console in front of her.

He made some comment about how lonely it must be in the order without a husband and she shook her head slowly. "I was exiled from the order ten years ago, and three years before that I left it on my own accord to follow Revan to war. I pretty much quit following that part of the code as soon as I got away from the temple," she chuckled.

He lifted his eyebrows at her, "Oh really?" he asked as he sat on the console next to her bare feet and let his eyes rake over her exposed flesh.

"Mmmm," she agreed, "I was never any good at saying no." She let her words hang there as a grin spread across her face.

"Well," he said his own grin answering hers, "I guess that means we'll have something to do while we wait to starve to death." He lifted his hand slowly and let his fingertips trace the arch of her foot. She sighed breathily not trying to hide her arousal at his touch. He ran his fingertips down her leg now, brushing past her ankle, up her calf and let his fingers linger under the back of her knee where the back of her thigh began.

As a soft moan welled up in her chest, she suddenly swung her feet off the console and leaned forward towards him, her hands on his knees, she turned her face up to him, her lips parted. After an intense gaze into his eyes she finally whispered, "Perhaps we should give the droid a chance to open the escape hatch before we start planning our last rites of passion."

He growled softly at her as he slid off the console and pulled her up to him. "To be honest," he said, his lips just inches from hers, "I'm not much of a planner." He lowered his mouth to hers and his lips lingered on hers a moment before his left hand ran up her back and his fingers tangled into the hair at the nape of her neck. His kiss became aggressive as his tongue sought hers out and his right hand slid down her back.

"Bwee breep?" the com sounded, the utility droid apparently trying to contact them again. Their kiss broke as the sharp noise of blaster fire rang through the com.

She leaned toward the terminal with a worried look on her face and began pressing buttons. "Well, I think it managed to get the escape hatch open at least… I guess that means we'll have to wait for another imminent disaster to finish this…"

He growled at her lightly again, "I'd complain, but somehow I have a feeling that imminent disaster comes pretty frequently around you." She grinned as she kissed him lightly before breaking out of his arms and heading down to the escape hatch.


	2. Chapter 2

When she finally arrived back on the administration level she was in a foul mood. There had been so much death and destruction. All because some stupid assassin droid had gotten it in his mechanical brain that she was a Jedi. She cursed herself for responding to that message from the Republic. If she hadn't come back to known space this wouldn't have happened. Her whole life had been this way. Every time she had tried to help someone or do what her conscience pressed her to do it had backfired on her.

When she had left the order to fight the Mandalorians her motives had been pure. She could feel the life being snuffed out through the force and she couldn't sit and wait, regardless of whatever evil the council was hoping would reveal itself. People were dying. What was the good of being a Jedi if you couldn't help people? But that was where the trap came in. She had gone to war, and in her attempt to stop the Mandalorians she had killed so many. She had sent her soldiers to their deaths and killed her enemies relentlessly.

At Malachor it had been too much. She had worked with Bao-Dur to develop the Mass Shadow Generator in an effort to put an end to this war once and for all. She had been sure that it was the right thing to do. But when it had finally been set off, all that death, it had crawled into her head and it was as if every single person had reached into her mind at that moment and began clutching at her desperately. It was as though she were standing on the edge of a precipice and each soldier, Mandalorian and Jedi clung to her as they were about to slide into oblivion. They would have taken her with them, but in terror, her mind had broken her connection to the force and as each person in her head faded, she had slipped into unconsciousness.

Finally, when she went back to the council to try and make sense of all of this and to submit herself to their judgment they had exiled her. Once again, trying to do the right thing had gotten her nothing but more pain and heartache. And therefore, she had spent her exile as far away from the Jedi as had been possible.

She had moved around a lot and the loneliness had been unbearable at times, but she had found out that that's what cantinas were for. She'd never had any trouble finding someone willing to help her forget her troubles with a jug of juma and a nice long screw. Well, ok, "long" was hard to find sometimes, but what the cantinas in the unknown regions lacked in quality they made up for in desperation. Apparently the male to female ratio was pretty low out there.

When she received the holo-message from Admiral Onasi asking cryptically for her assistance, she hadn't been able to refuse. She'd only known Carth in passing back during the war, but she'd known he was an earnest, hard working soldier with great potential. That he'd made Admiral wasn't a great surprise, but there was something about his request that made her curious. His earnest plea made her wish for a purpose again. She hoped that maybe this time she could accomplish something worthwhile, but once again, her good intentions backfired on her.

It didn't help her mood any when as soon as she arrived on the admin level they were joined by the old scow from the morgue. Not that she would have left the old lady to die or anything, but she would have been happy to have had another quiet moment or two with the spacer. Of course, with the arrival of the Harbinger and its now hostile crew it wasn't like they had time for that anyhow.

They raced through the Harbinger, getting drift charts and heading for the engineering section as quickly as possible. Alevia just about lost it when yet another group of stealthed sith assassins appeared in front of her, begging for slaughter. Why wouldn't these people just leave her alone? She didn't want to be a Jedi, she didn't want to have to kill them, but they were leaving her with no choice. In frustration she reached out with her hand and sent a lightning bolt into the nearest one, instantly regretting it when the smell of charred flesh permeated the air.

Atton shot her a sideways look as he finished off one of the others with his blasters, but she ignored him and stared at the blackened corpse that lay in front of her.

He touched her shoulder lightly asking, "You okay?" Her eyes shot toward him and for a moment she stared right through him like she was seeing something else, father away.

After a moment her vision refocused and she nodded. "Let's keep moving." She stated abruptly as she stormed toward the next door.

One corridor later a walking corpse appeared before them. Alevia stared at him in fascination. His grey skin was cracked, an eye was clouded over and chunks of skin were missing. She knew instinctively she should have been terrified and she was in a way, but at the same time she was mesmerized by the revulsion she felt. She suddenly wanted to run her hands over that bare cracked chest and explore every crevice with her fingertips. She took a step toward him tentatively, sheathing her vibroblade.

Before she could take another step however, the old hag stepped into her path. "This fight is mine alone," she said regally. "I am not defenseless. He cannot kill what he cannot see and power has blinded him long ago. Run," she commanded just before activating and locking the door between them, "I shall be along shortly."

Alevia took a step towards the door wondering if she could beat a way through it with her blade when a firm hand took a hold of her upper arm. "Levy," he said, his deep voice drawing her back to the present, "we can't help her now. We need to keep moving." Her eyes focused on his and the concern in his rich brown eyes grounded her once more. She nodded again and silently moved toward the opposite door.

It was just as they were entering the fuel line, against Atton's better instincts, to cross back into the fuel depot that a searing unimaginable pain shot through her left hand. She stumbled to the ground and cried out in surprise dropping her weapon and clutching her burning hand to her chest.

"What's wrong? Are you all right?" his anxious voice cried out as he saw the pain rippling through her body. "Damnit, hold on!" he said as he grabbed her by the elbow hauling her to her feet and pulling her along with him. "It's only a little further. Don't give up on me now!" She nodded and made a crude gesture with her head towards her weapon which was still on the floor. He grabbed it quickly and turned again for the exit.

When they were safely in the Peragus facility he asked her, "What happened to you back there?"

"My hand, it felt like it was being dipped into molten carbonite…" she glanced up at his face, "I think Kreia's been hurt, bad."

He took her hand that she had still clutched to her chest and examined it, his large hands running over her wrist, palm and fingers. "I can't see any marks, what the hell?"

The warm sensation of his fingertips on hers slowly replaced the burning and she looked at him gratefully. "I think I was feeling Kreia's pain. It's better now that it's feeling something real…" she said quietly, "thank you." He gripped her hand tightly and began walking further into the station only letting go when the droids started crawling up their ion engines once again.

It seemed like hours later when they were finally on the _Ebon Hawk_ trying desperately to avoid asteroids, blaster fire from the Harbinger and the subsequent explosions when the asteroids were hit by the stray bolts. When they finally made the jump to Telos, Alevia had never been so glad to see the swirling blue of hyperspace.

* * *

Alevia padded quietly into the cockpit and wrinkled her nose. After she had gotten the old lady settled in she had headed straight to the 'fresher, determined to wash off the stench of kolto and death. Now, with her body still slightly damp, she was wrapped in a man's tunic that was several sizes too large, her hair was wet and her legs were bare.

"You still smell like Peragus," she said to the pilot sharply.

"Yeah, and you smell like soap," he stated dryly.

"Go take a shower," she ordered him. "I'll watch the flashy thingies while you're gone."

"Flashy thingies?" He demanded. "Like I'm gonna leave my ship in the hands of someone who calls the controls flashy thingies."

"Your ship?" She questioned him with amusement.

"Ok, fine, your ship," he said gruffly flipping a switch on the console, "but that doesn't mean I'm gonna to let you fly it."

"Get your ass in the shower, soldier," she barked in her best general voice.

"Yes, mistress Jedi!" he replied almost mockingly with a half salute as he stood and turned towards the door. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her. Once again that lustful look crawled over his expression and she grinned at him.

"Not that I'm complaining, or anything," he drawled as his eyes traveled over her legs, "but do you always wear so few clothes?"

Her grin disappeared and her eyes became sultry, "I think the question you really want to ask is if I always wear so _many_ clothes."

He shifted and leaned against the wall next to wear she was, "Oh really?" he said in a low voice, "so tell me, do you always wear so many clothes?"

"Only when I have to," she replied practically batting her eyelashes at him.

"Oh? And why do you have to now?"

"You still reek of Peragus," she said with a wrinkle of her nose as she slipped past him to the pilot's chair.

He chuckled, "Ok, fine. The flashy thingies should take care of themselves for a bit… don't touch anything." She nodded, kicking her bare feet up on the console. He sighed in exasperation as he headed down the corridor towards the fresher.

She didn't bother to tell him that she had been an ace pilot back in her Jedi days or that she had made a living flying cargo in the unknown regions during her exile. No, it was better if he thought she needed him. She had learned a long time ago that if you let a man be confident in his role in your life, he was a much better fuck overall. And with as bad as her day had been, she couldn't wait to lose herself in a nice long session of sweaty, mind blowing sex.

After she'd given him long enough to get started in the shower, she called T3 and had it take over the piloting duties. Then, she very quietly broke into the 'fresher and took the clothes that were on the floor there, leaving only a small towel for him to dry off with. She put both of their clothes in the auto-wash machine and waited patiently by the entrance to the starboard dormitory.

When he poked his head out of the fresher with an impatient rumble of, "Le-vy?" her head appeared around the corner of the hallway and winked at him. Then she disappeared into the dorm again. That was all it took. In a moment he was striding toward the dorm, the small towel wrapped as well as it would around his waist, but most of his left thigh showing.

When he turned the corner, she was leaning against one of the uprights of the bunks, her once wrapped and tied tunic, now hanging loosely around her, barely covering the higher priced real estate.

"Mmmm," she said huskily as she slowly crossed the floor towards him and inspected every visible inch of him, "you clean up good."

She circled him once and lightly ran her hand over his arm and across his back then across his chest again. When she stopped in front of him and let her eyes drift off his abdomen and up to his eyes, he violently grabbed her to him and pressed his lips against hers. Both of his arms curled around her waist inside her tunic and she held tightly onto his shoulders as she lithely jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Many thanks to my beta readers Emery Board and Trillian4210, without whom this chapter would be much less than it is.

* * *

Alevia and her pilot were sitting in the cockpit, half dressed, munching on some unrecognizable but not too horribly unpleasant food stuffs when the proximity alarm sounded and they dropped out of hyperspace just a short distance from the Citadel Station. They had spent most of the last day in varying states of undress, and Alevia decided it was the most pleasant hyperspace jump she had ever been on.

This trip had been the perfect length, spent in good company and included some of the best sex she'd had in her life. The only imperfection had been in the mental assault she was experiencing from the port dormitory. She had done her best to ignore it. She may have been stuck with a force bond with the old scow, but she wasn't going to let it impede her in any way.

But now, as they made their approach to the station, Alevia decided it was time to go deal with her once again. Their first conversation since boarding the ship had been uncomfortable at best. Alevia had just wanted to know about their bond, and how it might affect them in the future. But instead, she got a lecture on all things Jedi, and how she couldn't trust that fool in the cockpit. Alevia had little doubt that their next conversation would be even more unpleasant, especially considering just how much of herself she had "trusted" the pilot with over the last day.

But the old lady was going to have to be dealt with sooner or later. From her experience as a general, Alevia knew problems very seldom went away because they were ignored. So, she left her pilot in the cockpit, made sure nothing embarrassing was still unfastened, and headed to the dorm to take her punishment like a man.

She flopped down on the bunk next to Kreia with her arms behind her head and said, "Well, get on with it."

Kreia fumed. "What have you hoped to accomplish by taking the fool as your companion, Exile?" She asked haughtily.

Alevia turned onto her side and stared at the older lady. "Orgasms?" she replied flippantly, enjoying the sour look on the woman's face.

"He has nothing to offer one such as you," she hissed.

Alevia laughed loudly, "Oh, believe me, he had plenty to offer. And I enjoyed every minute of it."

Kreia didn't seem to appreciate her flippant tone. "You should not commit yourself to a fool like him!" She insisted.

Alevia sat up suddenly with a frown. "Whoa there, who said anything about commitment? He's a spacer. I imagine he's slept with every willing thing from here to Tatooine, human or otherwise. There's no way in hell 'commitment' even enters into it."

The corner of Kreia's lips turned up in a small smile. "Ah, I see," she said, in a more reasonable voice. "Perhaps in causing him to rely on you to fill his base need, you might feed on that dependency to grow strong," she mused. Alevia frowned, not liking her implications. "Still, this is not the time for such acts," Kreia continued. "You should be working to redevelop your connection to the Force. The path that lies before you is a dangerous one and you need to prepare yourself."

The younger woman sighed heavily as she flopped back onto the bunk. "Why?" she whined more to the ceiling than to the older woman, "Why won't they just leave me alone?"

"Why is not important," Kreia scolded her lightly, "they believe you to be the last of the Jedi, and regardless of your own belief they will not stop until they have turned you or defeated you."

She considered just letting her pursuers defeat her for a moment, but she knew by experience that her self preservation instincts were much too strong, otherwise she would have died ten years ago at Malachor.

* * *

Their stay on Citadel Station turned out to be a nightmare. As soon as they landed, they were met by guards and placed into Telos Security Forces custody under the suspicion of destroying Peragus. Even after the investigation had been completed and they'd been cleared of wrong doing it had only gotten worse. The _Hawk_ had been stolen from the TSF impound and according to the TSF droid had likely disappeared somewhere on the surface of Telos.

They were stuck here. What was worse was that they had been given a tiny one room apartment to share between the three of them. The constant close quarters were driving Alevia nuts, especially since the way she would have most enjoyed passing the time was pretty much out of the question with Kreia's constant presence. When they'd finally been given permission to leave their room, Alevia had immediately attempted to get another apartment, but unfortunately, the station was at capacity.

It didn't help that Atton was thoroughly enjoying teasing her in spite of where they might be or who might be watching. She swore to herself that if his hand found its way under her tunic, palm pressing into the small of her back, fingers lingering lower, while leaning in close to talk to her one more time, she'd take him right then and there, consequences be damned.

She kept her promise too. As luck would have it, the next time his hand found the sensitive spot, he was escorting her onto one of the automatic inter-module shuttles. She had never in her life been so happy to have the use of Force persuasion as when she stopped at the door, turned to the crowd behind them waiting to enter and suggested, "You don't want to take this shuttle. You want to wait for the next one." The blank stares on their faces were almost as priceless as the look she got from Atton when the door closed and they were alone for the first time in days.

As fun as the shuttle rides were however, staying in one place was making Alevia nervous. She had to get off this station before something bad happened. If she could keep moving and try to stay ahead of the Sith, perhaps they wouldn't get another chance to do what they'd done at Peragus. But, since she hadn't been given clearance to leave Citadel Station, there was no chance of booking passage elsewhere. Her only hope was to convince someone to let her take an orbital shuttle to the surface and attempt to find the _Hawk_ and get the hell out of here.

Fortunately, both of the groups working on the surface restoration were requesting her assistance in exchange for helping her find the _Hawk_. She had thought to help Czerka at first, because she couldn't really imagine that the noble Ithorians would really help smuggle her off the station. But when Chodo Habat spoke of Bao-Dur her decision had been made instantly. She hadn't seen Bao since Malachor, but she had thought of him often.

The war had been a difficult time for Alevia. She had tried so hard to be what she thought she was supposed to. But the higher her body count, the more she doubted her role. It was then that she had first started exploring more worldly pleasures in an effort to take her mind off the horrors that lingered there.

Her first had been Revan. She hadn't been able to resist his charms, no more than any of the other girls he took to his bed on a regular basis. At first she had felt a little hurt by his nonchalance towards her after their encounter, but when she had tried to speak to him about it he had held her face in his hands, his eyes locked with hers as he touched her mind through the Force.

"_Your talents are not to be used to please one man, my dear Allie",_ he spoke through their newly formed, fragile bond,_ "but to save them all."_ His words rang true. As a Jedi she had been trained to disdain emotional attachments trading the love of one for the love of the galaxy. So instead of bearing him ill will, she instead grew to admire the ease in which he was able to lead and influence, using all tools at his disposal.

It hadn't been long until she had begun to emulate him in that way, exploring her sexual desires with the men around her. She had been fairly discreet about most of her lovers, but she had taken quite a few over the course of the war. Bao had been her first non-human, though.

They had worked together closely on the MSG project for several months and finally, her curiosity had gotten the better of her. His pale skin, sharp horns and his quiet manner all worked together to undermine what little self control she had left. In the remaining months of the war, she had found herself in his bed often, constantly drawn back to his stabilizing presence. When the war had ended and they had gone their separate ways, she had always regretted not getting to say goodbye.

* * *

Her head was pounding, her body ached, and she had an odd sensation of being picked up and carried a short distance and then being placed ever so gently on the grass. Grass. Damn, how long had it been since she'd even seen grass, much less laid in it? She opened her eyes slowly, trying to make out her surroundings when a familiar, soothing voice said, "Good to have you back, General."

The corners of her lips curled up in a smile before she turned her head towards the source of the voice. "Ugh, my head…" she complained, as the movement sent pain through her body.

"Easy now," Bao said gently. "You survived one spectacular crash. Lucky I was here to pull you and your friends out of that shuttle or you'd be more than a 'little crispy'." She smiled broadly, remembering the many times during the war that they had both used that same phrase when referring to the still fully armored Mandalorian dead.

"But it's only fair," he said his eyes lingering on her lips, "I owe you more than one, General."

"General?" She questioned him, slightly exasperated. She had always asked him to call her by her name, but he had never relented in using her title.

"You must be in shock from the crash," he teased. "Have to expect some long term memory loss from that." He glanced over to his trusty remote hovering nearby, "Too bad she's not a droid, huh?" The little droid beeped in the affirmative and Bao continued, "We can't all be that lucky."

Alevia pushed herself up to her elbows and gave him a scathing look, but he just kept talking as he pulled a medpac out of his bag. "I'll humor you, General. I was one of the Iridonian mechanic corps that was at Malachor. Bao-Dur?" His mismatched hands were busy filling the syringe with the kolto. "I can see how you'd forget me, being that I was the only one."

She chuckled. "I think I _might_ recall you," she responded with a playful roll of her eyes.

"Don't think too hard," he said with a wink as he injected her thigh with the syringe. "I'd rather not talk about the war, if we could," he added a little sadly, "We all went through some tough times after Malachor, and maybe we all did a little forgetting."

She touched his shoulder gently in a silent apology, knowing instinctively that his tough times had been made harder by her absence. "What happened to your arm?" she asked quietly.

"I got tired of it," he said with a slight twinkle in his eye, "It kept dropping my hydrospanner, so I thought I'd get a new one."

"I was being serious."

"If you were me, you'd probably want to joke about it too. It's a souvenir from Malachor, actually. Lucky I didn't lose more. But at least it gave me something to do," he paused briefly and the rest of the thought which he had left unspoken leapt into her mind. "W_hile I waited for you." _He smiled at her gently then, "Everyone always said I was half machine anyway."

"I'm so sorry," she said, her voice full of grief. There were so many things she was sorry for.

He watched her for a moment, then quietly said, "You know, I never thought I'd see you again, General." He reached out tentatively and brushed her hair with his remaining hand. "Galaxy's a big place, and this is the last place I thought I'd bump into you. So I have to ask, just what are you doing here?"

She explained to him about their trials of the last few weeks and the loss of their ship as they worked together to revive Kreia and Atton. She was amazed to find that their hands still seemed to work together as if attached to one body. It had always been that way with Bao. She wasn't a stellar tech on her own, but when she was working with him her movements were precise and perfectly timed, coordinating with his flawlessly.

Once Atton and Kreia were conscious it was decided –after much bickering between the two – that she and Bao would make the difficult hike to the compound in this zone to get access to the shield network.

"But if you do find the ship, how are you gonna fly it?" Atton argued.

"I think Bao and I can probably figure out the flashy thingies well enough to get back here and pick you up," she said with a smirk. Bao shot her an inquisitive look and then glanced back to the pilot. She couldn't help but smile internally. Bao was always so perceptive.

Atton's eyes pleaded with her briefly not to be left behind with the hag, but Alevia insisted that Kreia wasn't up for the cross country trip, and she didn't want anyone left alone, especially not with the starving cannoks about.

She pulled her hair back into a severe pony tail and changed into her lightest armor before hoisting her bag and following Bao out of the camp. She gave Atton one last reassuring smile just before they disappeared over the nearest ridge.

She and Bao trudged along through the treeless grasslands. She breathed deeply, enjoying the companionable silence and real wind blowing in her face. The terrain was difficult and more than once Bao paused to help her climb over the many ledges and boulders.

She stopped at the top of a ledge as a low growling noise came from the nearby underbrush. A moment later, a brown streak raced towards and leapt at her chest. She unsheathed her weapon, but Bao's energized arm blocked the cannok's attack, knocking it to the ground. Two more cannoks joined the first, snapping at her heels. She sliced into the side of the second one and it howled in pain as it turned and attacked its perceived source of its pain, the blade itself. She quickly drew her weapon out of the animal and made another slice at it's now exposed neck. As it dropped to the ground she whirled toward Bao, just in time so see him thrust his own blade deep into the heart of the remaining beast. She couldn't help but notice the way the muscles on his chest, back and arms were rippling with every movement. She stared at him for a moment.

"Is everything alright, General?" he asked, concern in his voice.

She nodded her head and chuckled as she let her eyes drift across his chest. "Damn, Bao, you're not that skinny tech I knew back in the war anymore."

He smiled at her, amusement playing in his amber eyes, "No, General. Zabraks finish our physical maturity a little later than humans."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh, really?" she asked aloud, silently wondering what else had changed.

He chuckled at her. "You never seemed to mind my physique back then, General."

She shook her head. "No, I liked it," she said with a warm grin as the memory of his naked body played through her head. "But I like this too," she added with a raise of her eyebrows and a gleam in her eye.

"And what of the pilot?" he questioned her.

She sighed. "Oh, you know me," she said dismissively.

"Yes, General, I do," he said quietly. "People change though. I thought perhaps you might have settled down over the years."

She laughed. "No, I'm afraid it's just the opposite, old friend," she said with a wink as she closed the distance between them and ran her hand over his incredible chest.

"Wilder, now?" he said with amusement, "I hardly see how that's possible, considering how busy you always were when you were off duty."

She grinned guiltily as she let her hand drop back to her side, "I'd like to think I was fairly discreet."

"Mmm," he agreed, "You were for the most part, General."

"But, you always knew exactly what was going on, didn't you?" She asked as she wrapped her arm in his and began walking again.

"Yes, General," he said with a smile as they progressed further down the trail.


	4. Chapter 4

Alevia and Bao-Dur walked arm-in-arm until another ledge forced them to break apart to make the climb. As they scrambled over the low wall, she became aware of a hum of energy nearby. Bao touched her arm, keeping her from moving forward.

"Mine field," he whispered, "move carefully."

She nodded, crouching near the first nearby energy field as Bao lowered himself into the grass and crawled closer to a second one. They both began work on diffusing the mines. Silently they worked, moving forward slowly with each successful disarming. The field was large and she could not imagine why anyone would set up anything this elaborate in one of the restoration zones. Not that the air defense towers were typical of a scientific facility either, but this really seemed like overkill.

As she crawled forward, Bao reached out and touched her leg, getting her attention. "Droids up ahead," he whispered again. She nodded and lifted her head out of the grass just far enough to get a good view of them. She focused her attention on the one on the right and lifted her hands towards it. Concentrating as hard as she could, she sent a wave of energy towards the droid and it sparked magnificently before collapsing to the ground. She grinned at her own display of power as the second droid began firing at them. As Bao returned fire, she lifted her hand towards the second one and tried to duplicate her attack.

The droid stopped firing, and began whirring quietly instead. Her self satisfied grin vanished into a look of disgust as Bao finished the subdued droid off with his blaster. He glanced at her sideways.

"Something wrong, General?" he asked.

She sighed, "Nothing that can't be attributed to ten years without practice."

He turned towards her concern in his eyes. "Why weren't you practicing, General?

She glanced over at him, surprised he didn't already know. "I lost my connection to the Force at Malachor," she admitted quietly. "Lucky I didn't lose more," she added with a wry grin.

His eyes met hers as he reached out to her, his hand touching hers gently. "How?"

She shrugged in frustration. "They were all dying. I could feel them. They were trying to take me with them…" she let her words die off slowly.

"Is that why you left?" he asked quietly.

She shrugged again, sadness rolling in. "The council exiled me. I wasn't any good to Revan anymore, not the way I was. I didn't have much choice."

He gripped her hand tightly and she looked up into his beautiful amber eyes. She saw so much emotion in them she was taken back for a moment. She stepped closer to him and looked deeper into his eyes, trying to feel the man behind them. She lifted her hand tentatively and let her fingers trace the thin tattoo lines on his face.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice brimming with sorrow.

"We had no choice," her voice caught in her chest. "If we hadn't, so many more would have died."

"I know," he nodded, "but I'm sorry that you shared this burden with me. That it couldn't be mine alone." She threw her arms around his torso and buried her face in his chest as he brushed the back of her hair with his living hand, his artificial arm twisted unnaturally to avoid singeing her skin.

She lifted her head to look up at his face, her chin pressing into his chest and he looked down at her and smiled. Impetuously she pushed herself onto her toes and kissed his lips lightly.

"I missed you," she said as she let her heels drop back down to the ground and laid her head on his chest again. "I know it's probably not much consolation, but I did."

He tightened his arm around her torso and kissed the top of her head gently. They stood there like that for a few moments before he finally loosened his grip on her. "We should keep moving," he said reluctantly.

She nodded, but before she turned him loose she pushed herself onto her toes and kissed him again, slowly and deeply, her right hand reaching up and cradling his jaw. As her tongue sought out his, her fingertips lightly traced the contours of his face, the base of his skull and the tender skin at the origin of each of his sharp horns. His breathing deepened and she could feel his hearts beating against her chest.

When she finally broke the kiss her pulse was racing. She hugged him once more and whispered in his ear, "Force, I forgot what your kiss does to me."

He tensed slightly at her words, and then hid his discomfort with a chuckle. "Mine and everyone else's," he teased her as he stepped out of her arms.

She shot him a mock hurt frown as she crossed her arms over her chest. "That's not very nice."

He grinned at her. "Forgive me, General," he replied as he slung his bag back over his shoulder and began down the path again, "The diverted blood flow must have overloaded my vocabulator. It won't happen again."

"Hmph," she grumbled as she stepped into line behind him. "It better damn well happen again," she groused.

"As you wish, General," he said with the amused chuckle still in his voice. "I noticed the pilot was watching your rear on our way out of the camp. He seemed very intimately acquainted with it."

She laughed lightly, "If you must know, he is. However, he has also asked us to drop him off at Nar Shaddaa as soon as we make it off this rock. I imagine he has a date with a troupe of Twi'lek dancers."

"He didn't seem to be done with you, just yet, General," he pointed out. "As a matter of fact, if I had to say, I'd guess he was counting out the number of things he would like to do to you still."

She stopped in her tracks and just stared at him, "I don't remember you being quite this insolent during the war, lieutenant."

He glanced over his shoulder at her, his eyes twinkling playfully, "That's because you never gave me a chance to speak. When you weren't off with someone else we were either working on the generator or screwing like gizka."

Her jaw dropped in surprise for a moment and was then replaced by a warm grin. "I don't remember you complaining."

"No, General, I never complained," he said with a chuckle.

"And why didn't you if it bothered you so much?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Would it have done any good, General?"

She thought for a moment before responding, "Probably not."

"Probably not?" he questioned her with another amused chuckle, "Most definitely not, you mean."

"Well, if it would have done any good coming from anyone, it would have been you," she said matter of factly.

He gave her an odd look. "And why do you say that?"

"Didn't you notice? You were the only one I kept going back to."

"Why?" he asked as he stopped walking and turned towards her.

She shrugged. "It never stopped being what I crave with you."

"What do you mean?"

She shrugged again, "It's hard to explain…" her voice trailed off a moment as she walked a few more feet and snatched a tall stalk of grass out of the ground which she began twirling around her fingers. "With most men, there's a power, an energy in them, I'm drawn to it. I want to experience it." Her brow furrowed in thought, "Usually it doesn't take long to disappear."

She looked up at him, his amber eyes glowing as they met hers, "Yours never goes away though. It's always there." She thought for a moment and then added, "Revan's was always there, too… but he cut me off."

"And if he hadn't cut you off?"

She sighed. "Then I would have been his apprentice instead of Malak?"

His gaze narrowed, "You wouldn't have fallen. He knew it. That's why he wasn't interested in you."

She laughed mirthlessly, "I don't know about that. I would have done anything for him, to stay close to his energy."

"You left. You didn't see what they became." His quiet voice seemed disturbed, "What Malachor did to them. You wouldn't have gone there… you didn't go there."

She shrugged once more. "Maybe," she said mostly to herself as they let themselves fall into silence once again.

They walked further until the small canyon they were in opened up into a lush grassland flanked by a rolling sea. In the distance they could see a grouping of mercenaries and several packs of cannoks. They made the decision to try to stay close to the sea to avoid the mercenary camp, but when the feral animals attacked they made such a ruckus that the mercenaries were alerted to their presence.

As Bao and Alevia fought the raging predators the mercenaries closed the distance between them and began firing their blasters at them. Alevia stabbed at the closest beast with her blade as she threw her hand out towards the group of men, putting two of the three into stasis. Once the cannok collapsed in front of her she turned towards the men and began hacking at the nearest one. In a flash, Bao was beside her, and they worked through the mercenaries one by one until they were surrounded by a pile of corpses of men and cannoks.

"Stupid mercenaries," she said with a growl. "You'd think they'd at least value their own lives enough to run when they came out of stasis."

Bao-Dur shook his head, "If they went back to their bosses and you were still alive, they'd be dead anyway. They died as they lived."

"Yeah, I suppose so," she said with a sigh, "I'm just getting tired of the constant stream of dumbasses who feel the need to throw themselves on my blade."

"Cannoks and dumbasses," he said with a chuckle. "It's just like old times back on Dxun."

She laughed. "Nah, nothing like Dxun," she said with a smile as she kicked a cannok, "I'm much too dry."

"You're right about that General," he said, trying to suppress a grin, but with a spark of admiration in his eyes.

She shot him a look. "What was that about?" She asked as she began to walk further up the coastline.

"Just remembering," he said with a smirk as he followed her away from the carnage of their fight.

"And just what are you remembering?" she prodded.

"You didn't wear your outer robes much on Dxun," he grinned.

"It was hot and they were heavy when they were soaked," she said as she paused, crossing her arms over her chest. "What of it?"

His face began to get red as her eyes narrowed and she waited for him to answer.

"Well, General, for future reference you might try to remember that white linen becomes fairly transparent when wet." His grin was very large now. "Not that we minded. You made the long sleepless nights bearable, to be honest."

Her jaw dropped in surprise for a moment, thinking back to her undeniable naivety those first days of the war. "Well, I guess that explains why Revan started noticing me," she said with a chuckle. "He'd never looked at me twice back on Dantooine."

"It's hard now to think of you as the innocent, inexperienced Jedi that you were then," Bao said with a smile, "but in some ways you'll always be that girl in my mind, General."

Alevia grinned mischievously as she stepped closer to him, "I'd have thought that silly notion would have disappeared after I managed to seduce you."

He chuckled, "I think it would be more accurate to say I seduced you, General." She raised an eyebrow at him. "If you'll remember, it took you quite a while to get used to the idea… I think you were afraid of my horns."

She nodded, looking automatically at the fascinating spikes, "I wanted to touch them from the moment we started working together, though. When you were briefing me on the MSG plans I don't think I could take my eyes off them."

She reached up tentatively and began to explore them once again with her fingertips. She knew that the horns themselves had no sensation, but at the base of each the skin was tender and she loved the way each would flush a deep red as her touch wakened something in him. She leaned in close to him, her left arm wrapping around the back of his neck as the right hand continued its caresses.

"I remember when I finally got the nerve up to touch you," she whispered in his ear, "I remember how long I'd been dreaming about you before then. How many nights I forced myself to sleep, thinking only of playing out the many fantasies I'd built around you."

His breath caught in his chest as he wrapped his arm around her waist and lowered his head towards hers, kissing her ear gently.

"I remember how you had begun standing closer, and the way the smell of your skin would make me forget everything but how much I wanted to touch you, and for you to touch me," she continued her whisper, pausing occasionally to press searing kisses on his neck. "I remember when our eyes locked and you reached up and brushed my cheek, my jaw, my neck…"

"I remember reaching out to you, to touch you, wondering how you would feel under my fingertips, under my lips, under my body, between my legs…" Her pulse was racing now, matching his, both punctuating the rhythm of the sea beside them.

"I remember when our lips met and the surge of desire that rolled over me when your tongue found mine for the first time." Her whisper was hoarse now, ragged with longing, "and when my hands slipped under your shirt and yours under mine."

"When our clothes found the floor and your fingers curled around my legs and you lifted me onto the workbench." Her hands drifted down to his chest and she began unbuckling the utility harness he wore. "How you explored every inch of my body with your hands and with your mouth."

"General," he interrupted her reverie. The name dripped from his lips around heavy breaths, and Alevia heard every nuance that the title entailed in his perception of her: respect, admiration, adoration, he clung to what they'd had so many years ago and now, he was willing to follow her wherever she would lead.

"I remember," she whispered again. "I've always remembered, but now I want more than memory, more than fantasies, I want you."

His living hand cupped her jaw and he kissed her deeply, each probe of his tongue a promise of the ecstasy to come. He slowed the kiss as her hands began tugging at his clothes impatiently. As they broke apart, he looked into her eyes and began to undo all the fasteners on each of their clothing. Before sliding them off her body though, his right hand reached into the control panel on the wrist of his artificial arm and flipped a switch. The energized hum died down and she saw that his arm was now frozen in a crook. He grinned at her expression of wonder as he hooked his stiff forearm around her waist and pulled her up against him. She gasped at his sudden forcefulness as his right hand began gently pushing her clothing off her shoulders.

A few moments later they joined their discarded clothing in the warm sand and as she straddled his lean hips, her eyes drifted over his incredible body. She leaned close to him her breasts brushing against his bare chest. She rested her upper body on her left elbow with her mouth just inches from his as he began to push his way inside her.

A soft moan escaped her lips as she brushed his ear with her lips once more and whispered, "Force, I've missed you."


	5. Chapter 5

Alevia lay with her head resting on Bao's right shoulder, his arm curled around her. Her arm was draped over his bare chest and her leg hooked over his. Her fingertips brushed his skin lightly as she relished in the afterglow of their union. The sun and the sand were warm on her bare skin, but neither compared to the heat that radiated from the man beside her.

She propped herself up onto her elbow and gazed down at his face, his warm smile made her grin affectionately at him. His hand played with her hair that had somehow become loose and she traced his facial tattoos with her fingers once more. She lowered her face to his and kissed him tenderly. For the briefest of moments their minds connected and Alevia found herself seeing through Bao-Dur's eyes so long ago.

_A large datapad lay on a workbench displaying a complicated wiring diagram. His pale brown hands manipulated the image and adjusted the diagram regularly. After a moment, his gaze flicked away from his work and to the alabaster thigh of the young woman sitting on his workbench. His glance drifted up her body, across her flat stomach, her full breasts and finally rested upon her face. From the bright expression on her own face so long ago, Alevia could only assume that Bao had given her one of his beautiful smiles before leaning in and kissing her. After the kiss, his attention turned back to his diagram and he began to tweak the design further._

She gasped in surprise. "What was that?"

His eyes filled with mirth. "Well, General, if you're not sure, I probably need to show you again," he said as his hand wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her against him hard.

She giggled. "Not that, silly," she said with a grin, "I just saw one of your memories, I think."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Jedi can do that, can't they?"

She frowned, "Sort of, it usually takes some serious meditation, though…" She let her voice fade mid-thought and his eyes questioned her silently. "It's fairly easy with a Force bond, but those only form between Force users, so it can't be that."

"What'd you see?" he asked.

She smiled, "You, paying more attention to your wiring diagram than to me, naked on your workbench."

He smiled largely, obviously knowing instantly which memory she meant. "General, it is a rare moment when an engineer can manage to get a design to come together. You and I? Not so difficult."

Her eyes glowed mischievously as she lowered her mouth to his and kissed him aggressively while sliding her right arm under his shoulder. Suddenly she flipped onto her back, using the Force to pull him on top of her.

"Prove it," she said with a grin.

* * *

It was several hours later when the orbital shuttle that Bao and Alevia had found set down near the camp where Atton and Kreia waited for them. As the ramp lowered, Alevia leaned against the frame of the opening with her arms crossed over her chest. She smiled, assuming they'd be glad to see her, but she received death glares from both of them.

Atton was obviously upset at having been left with the witch, and the witch was obviously peeved that Alevia and Bao had been doing more than just walking and killing during their absence. Alevia sighed. She was definitely going to have to get better at remembering to shut the old lady out during her more intimate moments.

Atton headed straight to the pilot's chair as Alevia settled into the co-pilot's chair beside him and said with a grin, "Flashy thingies are all yours, flyboy."

"About damn time," he said with a grumble. "I was beginning to think you and the Zabrak had eloped and run off to Nar Shaddaa without us."

She snapped her fingers with mock regret. "Damn it, Bao, why didn't we think of that?"

"Well, General, when I suggested it you said something about needing witnesses," Bao replied dryly.

"Shows what you know," Atton said with a chuckle, "the Nar Shaddaa wedding chapels provide witnesses for you."

Alevia's gaze drifted from the viewscreen to the pilot questioningly, "You know this first hand?"

He just shrugged and changed the subject, "Where to, boss?"

She laughed. "The northern polar region, Bao saw some strange energy readings up there."

"Aye, aye, mistress Jedi," Atton said as the shuttle began to lift off.

The flight to the polar region was fairly short, and when the proximity alarms started blaring loudly, announcing an incoming missile Alevia realized it was going to wind up being even shorter than it should have been.

"Damn it, not again!" Atton growled as he slammed on the port engine thruster, throwing the shuttle into a hard right hand turn. The sudden turn kept the missile from hitting the main engine, but the blast took out the starboard stabilizer and the small craft careened toward the ground. Just before the crash, Alevia reflexively threw a Force shield around herself and her small crew, attempting to protect them from the worst of the impact.

"Ugh, my head," Alevia groaned after the crash. "Where the hell did you learn to fly? The holonet?"

"Ha ha," Atton said with a growl as he held his own head. "Real funny, but it isn't _me_ they're shooting at, now is it?"

"Eh, you've got a point," she said as she pulled herself out of the wreckage that was the command console.

Kreia was busy digging herself out of the twisted mass of metal she had been sitting in, but Bao wasn't moving. Her stomach clenched as she crawled across to him and checked his vitals. He was unconscious. She cursed herself for not being able to protect him more effectively as she began to explore his body with her hands and the Force, looking for injuries.

There were many wounds and he had a concussion, she discerned, but she couldn't find any that were life threatening, thank the Force. She shivered. The cold was setting in quickly, but it wasn't cold that caused her to tremble. Rather, it was the sudden possibility that this man that she had only just found again could have been so easily removed from her life. She vowed to herself in that moment that she would work harder to regain her connection to the Force. She didn't think she could survive it if Bao lost his life because she hadn't been strong enough to protect him.

"We must find shelter," Kreia said breaking Alevia's reverie, "his life is still in danger if we do not." Alevia nodded, draped her cloak over her tech and stood, turning towards Kreia and Atton.

Kreia was watching her thoughtfully, somehow pleased at the change she perceived in her in this moment. Atton, however, stared at her with a set jaw and hard eyes. Alevia knew instinctively that he didn't like the emotion that was likely rolling off of her in regards to her tech. She smiled slightly at him before turning towards the door.

The three conscious passengers made their way out of the shuttle to try to see if they could find shelter, and were promptly intercepted by a trio of droids, the same kind that had caused all the destruction on Peragus. Alevia didn't even give them a chance to start spewing their programmed nonsense. She knew that they were the cause of their crash and she ran straight for the nearest one with a primal yell, unsheathing her vibroblade as she ran and sending a bolt of lightning towards the other two.

This time she didn't regret the dip into the darkside power. She relished the crackling blue flame as it left her fingertips and shorted out the circuits on the droids. She wheeled toward the remaining droid and began hacking any exposed wiring she could. A moment later another bolt of blue electricity flew past her and sent the remaining droid to its knees. She turned toward Kreia and grinned maniacally.

Atton just shook his head at the two of them. "I think there's shelter that way," he said flatly, pointing to a nearby small hill.

"Lead the way, flyboy," she said as she sheathed her blade and marched toward the entrance.

* * *

The shelter had turned out to be an entrance into an old irrigation system turned Jedi Academy occupied by none other than her old "friend" Master Atris. The women guards there "persuaded" them to drop their weapons and Alevia relented hers on the condition that they would retrieve and care for the unconscious man she had left in the wreckage. They agreed and one of the young women escorted her to see Atris.

As soon as Alevia and Atris were in the same room the same stupid argument they'd had ten years ago started up again. When the older woman accused Alevia of falling to the darkside during the Mandalorian War, Alevia wanted to strangle her. She couldn't help but chuckle internally at the irony.

Eventually though, they'd managed to stop yelling and speak reasonably of current events. The Sith were moving and Alevia offered Atris help in fighting them and tracking down more of the Jedi Masters. At least that would keep her moving, and hopefully a few steps ahead of the Sith most of the time. Also, it was possible that the other Jedi Masters could help her sever the bond between herself and Kreia. That alone would be worth the hassle.

She rubbed her wrist absent mindedly as she left Atris' chamber. She was getting to where she didn't mind the old lady being around, but having a bond of this strength with someone was highly disturbing. She had formed many bonds with other Force sensitives in her life, but this woman seemed to know her every thought and her every action, sometimes even before she did. As bad as the pain had been when Kreia had lost her hand, Alevia couldn't even imagine the consequences if the injury had been worse.

As she went to find her ragtag crew and the _Hawk_ Alevia explored the facility briefly, speaking to a couple of the Echani sisters who had taken Atton, Kreia and, she hoped, Bao-Dur to the detention area. When one of them mentioned Atton's Echani training Alevia was taken aback. The pilot had certainly proved himself to be valuable in a fight, but Echani training? Where the hell would a spacer pick up something as specialized as that? She was intrigued.

She was more than intrigued, actually, she was fascinated. She hadn't sensed power of that magnitude in him and that made her even more curious. She knew from experience that killing someone with your bare hands took a much higher level of cold blooded brutality than using a weapon. It was chilling to feel the life slowly drain from a person while your hands held the key to that person's continued existence.

Could it really be possible that the same hands that had touched her so gently and coaxed her into uninhibited ecstasy had also killed ruthlessly?

She found the three of them in force cages in a nearby room. She was glad to see that Bao was at least standing now, but Atton looked to be out cold. Kreia stood there regally, as if daring Alevia to ask her what the hell had happened. Alevia didn't bother. She had a pretty good idea.

As soon as the cages were deactivated, Alevia went to Bao and hugged him fervently. "I thought I lost you again," she whispered. "I'm not sure how I could have lived with myself if you'd died."

"I'm fine, General," he said in an attempt to relieve her fears. "Power has even been restored to my arm." She smiled at him and hugged him once more before turning him loose and checking on Atton.

Once she was beside her pilot, she placed her hand gently on his shoulder and allowed a small amount of healing Force energy to trickle into his body. His eyes snapped open and he stared at her a moment as if trying to remember who she was. "Are you able to travel?" She asked as he struggled to his feet. He nodded and they began to make their way towards the hangar bay.

Alevia dropped to the back of the group and walked beside him. "You ok?" she asked with concern, "You look out of it."

"Nah, don't worry about me, I'm fine," Atton said dismissively, "How'd things go with the Jedi here? Are you all done?"

She sighed, "Not yet – I've agreed to help them."

"Well, that's not exactly what I wanted to hear," he grumbled.

"You've done enough, Atton. I'm happy to drop you at Nar Shaddaa like I promised."

"Nah, I'm just complaining," he backpedaled. "I'm with you until things start going better. We need to stick together, you know? And who knows, I may be able to help you out of a tight spot at some point."

She paused in the hallway, strangely comforted by his words. He stopped and turned back towards her questioningly. "You surprise me," she said quietly, "I thought you'd want to jump ship as soon as you could."

"Ah, hey, don't mention it," he said with a smile.

They started walking again and she glanced over to him once more. He still looked like scrag. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"What? Look, I'm fine, okay? I was just a little dizzy after I woke up."

"I would have thought your Echani training would have allowed you to recover more quickly."

His head snapped in her direction and he glared at her suspiciously. "Huh? What are you talking about?"

"One of the handmaidens said you dropped into an Echani stance back there."

"Oh that?" he said with a grin, his voice calming to a more playful tone. "Don't tell anyone, but you wouldn't believe how many fights you can get out of if you just pretend to know that stuff."

She shot him a look. He was obviously lying, but she decided to let it go, "That's a shame. Since you've decided to stick around a bit, I thought it might be an asset."

"Huh? Well thanks, but you've got the wrong guy. I'm good with a blaster, cracking wise and pretending to know how to fight with my hands."

She chuckled, "Well, since we are going to be working together, it would be good to know what you're capable of. I have a feeling that I've been underestimating you." She threw him one last knowing wink as she quickened her pace and dropped in beside Kreia.

_So how'd you convince the spacer to stay? _She questioned the older lady through their bond. _And furthermore, why?_

_Ah,_ she replied, _that one is slippery. I think we have uses for him, though. He may yet be an asset._

Alevia rolled her eyes. Everything was about manipulation to the old witch. Whatever the woman's reasoning, though, Alevia couldn't say she was sorry to be keeping her pilot around a bit longer.

* * *

Alevia sat in the main hold of the Ebon Hawk on the small sofa there, her knees pulled up to her chest and her eyes focused on some indeterminable object across the room. Two pairs of eyes, one hood and a photoreceptor were all trained on her. Shortly after leaving Telos T3 had come up with a holo of her trial and they had all watched it. Now that it was over, they all stood silently, waiting for her to say something.

She had barely remembered what had happened at her trial all those years ago, and she certainly hadn't known about the discussion afterward. They had been afraid of her, she realized now. They had not exiled her because of something she had done wrong, but rather because they did not understand what had happened to her. She wondered how her life could have been different if they had tried to understand – if they had tried to help her rather than cast her out.

Bitterness welled up inside her. Ten years she had lived without the Force. Ten years she had wandered the unknown regions utterly alone and abandoned, because they had been cowards. And now she had made it her mission to find these arrogant schuttas again.

Atton cleared his throat noisily reminding her that they were waiting for her to decide what they were going to do next and she quickly considered her choices. Somehow the Smuggler's Moon seemed the least unpleasant of her options. Dantooine had Vrook, Onderon had too many ties to the Mandalorian wars and Korriban… well… it was Korriban. She definitely wasn't strong enough yet to take that dark place on, she was sure of that.

"Well, it looks like we'll be heading to Nar Shaddaa after all," she said with resignation.

Atton looked pleased, and she wondered for a moment if he was going to bail on them after all, but let the thought go. Eventually everyone drifted off to their general areas of the ship. Kreia went back to the port dorm, Atton to the cockpit and Bao had lost no time staking out the garage for himself. She couldn't help but smile as she followed him and perched herself on the edge of the workbench.

He looked up at her from the pieces of a control panel he was working with and smiled. "It's good to have you back, General. Give me a hand with this, will you?" he asked as he rotated the panel to move the circuits closer to her. She smiled and slid off the workbench to stand beside him. She didn't need to ask where to use her hydrospanner or when to hold the piece in place so he could work on something closer to him or so the little remote could solder wires into place. The three of them worked together, without words, flawlessly interacting as one. Alevia leaned slightly on her tech, as they began to put the finishing touches on the panel, relishing the quiet peacefulness that overtook her in his presence. Gently he wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed the side of her head as the final part clicked into place.

* * *

Alevia walked into the cockpit and found her pilot shuffling his pazaak deck and randomly flipping cards onto the console. As she settled into the seat beside him, she suddenly got a craving for a nice tall glass of juma, a rousing game of pazaak, a good cigarra and a nice long screw. She looked at him peculiarly knowing that the cravings had somehow originated from him, but were, at the same time, entirely hers.

He gave her a sexy grin and she couldn't help the enticing tightening in her chest as he cocked his head to the side and drawled, "Any chance of getting a repeat performance of what you did last time you came to visit me in the cockpit?"

A sultry haze settled over her eyes as she leaned forward towards him placing her hand on his arm. "Possibly," she answered in a seductive voice. "Any chance you want to tell me where you learned Echani combat techniques?"

His friendly mood vanished instantly. "Look, I don't ask any dumb questions about your past, despite the fact that it keeps throwing us into life-threatening situations," he growled at her. "Want to know why? I figure if you ever want to tell me something, you will. So give me the same respect, all right?"

She blinked, surprised by his defensiveness. "Easy there, big fella," she said with a pat of his arm, "I didn't mean anything by it. I've just been dying of curiosity... I guess I just realized there's a lot I don't know about you… and, I'd like to…" She let her words trail off and he just glowered as they sat in silence for a minute or two. After a bit she tried to lighten the mood asking him "I heard that Echani practice naked, is that true?"

The corners of his mouth turned up in spite of his desire to be cranky. "Well, our instructor didn't teach us that way, thank the Force, he was a big guy… hairy too." He shuddered dramatically.

She laughed. "Well, if you ever think you might be up for teaching me any of what you learned, you know where to find me." She stretched and let out a large yawn, deciding that her cravings were going to have to wait for another night. "I'm gonna crash, I guess. Goodnight, flyboy."

She stood and began to head out of the cockpit when his hand snaked out and grabbed her arm, pulling her back towards him. He kept tugging on her until she was bent over him and then he rested his right hand on her hip, as he began to kiss her slowly. There was something different in his kiss now. It wasn't driven by the raw animal instinct like before. It was slower, gentler, and there was a surprising sincerity to it. When he broke the kiss, her heart was pounding and she didn't move for a minute.

"G'nite, Levy," he said with a quiet smile as he turned her loose, "sweet dreams."

Alevia headed toward the starboard dorm in a daze. _What the hell is wrong with me?_ She questioned herself. True, in the past it hadn't been unusual for her to have more than one fling going on at a time, but she'd never felt anything beyond simple attraction for anyone other than Revan and Bao. And she realized now as she walked toward her bed that she had, in fact, become quite attached to the cocky spacer.

She collapsed in her bunk wondering what she was going to do and was overwhelmed by the strong masculine scent of her pilot that lingered there. She crossed her arms over her face to try to block the smell and was then overwhelmed by the scent of Bao that clung to her clothing. In frustration, she rolled on her side and stared at the wall, trying desperately to slide into sleep.

It was while she was in that state that she heard Atton's voice in the nearby garage.

"Got a minute?" he asked the tech. Alevia's ears perked up at his question.

"I'm a little busy here," Bao replied shortly. "What is it?"

"Won't take more than a minute," he drawled.

"All right, I'll work while you talk."

"Look, your friend, the Jedi – you know her from way back, don't you. How much do you know about her really?" Alevia's eyes grew wide in horror now, wondering how far this conversation was going to go.

"Her? You mean the General? Yeah, during the war, if that's what you mean by way back." He paused a moment as if thinking then added, "Can't say I know much about her, though." Alevia frowned to herself, wondering if he really felt like he didn't know her or if he was just being discreet.

"Better than anyone else on this ship," the pilot reasoned. "Just give me your opinion, okay? And don't laugh."

There was silence a moment and then Bao responded impatiently apparently trying to discourage the impending question, "I'm trying to work here, Atton."

Atton sighed, "I was just wondering if you thought, maybe, she and I might…"

Bao interrupted him, "You're being serious."

Atton grumbled, "You said you wouldn't laugh."

"You are being serious." Bao said in bewilderment. "Atton," he paused a moment as if trying to find a way to end the conversation, "She was a general, I was just a tech." He paused again and then added in a voice tinged slightly with regret, "Your guess is about as good as mine."

"Well, what's your guess then?" Atton prodded.

"I'm getting back to work."

There was silence for a long moment and then Alevia heard Atton's footstep's as he left the garage. At first he took a few steps toward the dorm where she was, but then apparently changed his mind and stalked toward the cockpit in agitation.

Alevia laid in the dark, replaying the conversation in her head. None of it made sense to her. She couldn't decide if Atton was trying to actually get information from Bao-Dur about her, or if it was some weird masculine posturing done in an effort to exert a claim over her. She assumed that Bao hadn't known quite how to deal with Atton's questions. In the past, he had always managed to avoid any interactions with her other interests. That wasn't going to be possible here, though.

Force, how had she gotten herself into this mess? It was one thing to try to balance two or more physical relationships on a warship. It was another thing entirely to try to balance two lovers on this dinghy. She sighed. _Well, it could be worse_, she thought to herself pitifully, _Revan could be here, too_.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who has been reading and especially those who have left reviews. This chapter begins with some game dialogue, but starts deviating pretty quickly... so don't get bogged down by it. I meant to make it to Nar Shaddaa in this chapter... but we didn't quite get there... oops... :D

* * *

Alevia lowered herself to the floor across from the older woman, settling into her long abandoned meditation pose. As she tried to quiet her mind and hear the force, the older woman spoke softly, "Have you come with questions?"

"I wish to learn more about the ways of the Force," Alevia said quietly.

"Very well, what is it that drives you?"

"When Bao-Dur was injured," Alevia started, "he was hurt because of me. I promised myself that I would do whatever I need to do to grow stronger, so that I could hopefully protect him next time."f

"To grow stronger," Kreia spoke softly, "you must not turn away from that which tempts you or causes you fear. You must face it.

"I have seen you display many acts of charity – mercy on our journey, why?"

Alevia shrugged. "I just wanted to help."

"Your 'help' weakens them. It robs them of the strength needed to grow. You have been chased, hounded, since our first meeting. And it has only made you stronger, more capable."

"I fail to see how small acts of mercy can be harmful," Alevia argued.

"Ah, then you have learned nothing," the older woman said with scorn. "From such small things, from such critical points, the universe and its masses may be moved… that is why you must be careful in all that you do, and in every choice you make."

Kreia paused and considered her a moment. "Aiding them gives you strength by taking on their challenges, but weakens them. If that is your choice, then use their dependency, feed upon it, until you have exhausted them, then leave them."

Alevia frowned as she pondered the older woman's words. After a moment Kreia added, "And I would view the ones you travel with much the same way."

Alevia's face grew hard, then. She didn't appreciate the suggestion that she was supposed to think of Bao-Dur as disposable. Her voice was steely as she said, "Then I shall view you as disposable, from now on."

Alevia was surprised at the pleased tone of the older woman's voice as she said, "Ah, now you are learning."

Alevia shook her head, "No, I will not consider my friends to be disposable. I will not turn on my allies like the Jedi turned on their own during the wars."

"So you may think, but it will be best to strike first – your allies are allies by circumstance, and they will not hesitate to do the same to you, if you continue down your path."

Alevia considered her words a moment before responding. "You may be right about the spacer," she said quietly, "but not Bao-Dur."

"Do you know why those we meet display such weakness?" the older woman asked, ignoring Alevia's assertions. "Their lives are static, untested. It is only through interaction, through decision and choice, through confrontation, physical or mental that the Force can grow within you.

"You have seen it. You have felt it within you as you have traveled with me. The growing anger, the rage, and the power it brings. Yet the power does not build without such struggle. Through small cruelties, greater ones are born."

"I do not want cruelties, but I do want power." Alevia said quietly.

The older woman considered her a moment. "I have seen in you a reluctance to kill those that attack you, why?"

Alevia closed her eyes, as if willing away the memories that flooded in at the older woman's question. "So many have already died because of me," her voice quivered with emotion. "I never wanted to kill, only to protect."

"Ah," Kreia spoke in her regal tone, "that is the great paradox of the Jedi Order. To preserve life, to protect, one must be willing to kill, to destroy those who would cause harm."

The younger woman swallowed hard. "They don't tell you that when you're a padawan," she said bitterly. "They don't tell you how each death you cause can be felt through the Force, how it changes you, warps you into something you never wanted to be."

"Didn't they?" Kreia asked shrewdly. "Didn't they warn you against emotional attachments and tell you that a Jedi Knight's life is sacrifice? What did you think you would be sacrificing? A family? Children? No, the sacrifice of the Jedi is making yourself into what you despise so that others do not have to."

Alevia's face hardened as she considered the older woman's words. "I will do what I must, but I will never like what I have become."

"Self loathing does little for one's sense of self preservation. If you want to grow stronger, you must embrace the choices you make and draw all the power from them that they offer.

"Now, leave me. I grow weary of your constant wavering."

* * *

Alevia entered the main hold gazing at the floor, her hands clasped behind her back, lost in thought. She considered the old woman's words and pondered how much was truth and how much was a subtle skewing of the truth. She thought of all the deaths she had caused and a piece of her cried out at the unfairness of it all. She did hate what she had become and she wondered if that was why she had spent so many years drowning herself in booze and men.

"You okay?" Atton's deep voice cut through her thoughts.

Her eyes shot to his, startled by his presence and then smiled as he shoved a piece of bread into his mouth. She nodded and crossed to where he stood in the storage compartment that also served as a make-shift kitchen. She leaned on the counter where his meal sat and just gazed at him for a moment.

"I don't suppose we have any hard liquor in there anywhere do we?" she asked with a sigh.

"Not a drop, unfortunately. Hungry?" he asked her around a mouthful of food.

She shrugged. "I guess. How much longer till we get to Nar Shaddaa?"

He pulled out a piece of bread for her, some dried fruit and a protein bar as he said, "Two more days."

She groaned as she lowered her forehead on the countertop. Hyperspace jumps were torture sometimes.

He chuckled. "What, you're not thrilled to be stuck on this flying death trap? I'm shocked. I really am." She smiled slightly as she sat back up and grabbed the bread he'd set out for her.

"Oh, come on," she said, playfulness entering into her voice. "This is not even close to being the worst ship I've flown in my life."

"Oh, I'm sure the flashy thingies are all quite nice compared to the other ships you've… flown?" His voice twisted itself into a question on his last word as realization dawned on his face.

The corners of her mouth twisted up slightly. "Flown on, I mean, of course."

"Riiiight," he replied, skeptically.

Her eyes danced merrily but she ignored his implications. "Anyway, she was a great ship once. She's just seen a lot of action in her life. And you know, all the heavy wear just means she has more stories to tell." She glanced around the main hold and wondered briefly what all those stories might be before adding, "She actually reminds me of myself a bit."

He snorted loudly and she shot him a scathing look before continuing, "No, it's not the ship at all. I'm just getting restless, is all."

His eyes met hers and he gave her another sexy grin as he raised his eyebrow suggestively. Her chest tightened as he leaned toward her and whispered, "I can think of a lot of ways to spend the time."

"Yeah?" she asked breathily. "Anything I could help you with?"

"Mmmm," he agreed, "wouldn't be the same without you."

His words sent a ripple of desire through her body and she grinned at him narrowing her eyes a moment before throwing a calculating look towards the garage and then toward the cockpit.

He saw her glance and his expression changed immediately. "Forget it," he growled as he grabbed his food and stormed toward the cockpit.

She sighed as she followed him down the narrow hallway.

"What the hell are you whining about?" she asked as she activated and locked the door and then plopped into the copilot's chair.

"I don't like being used."

"Odd, you didn't seem to have a problem with it a few days ago…" she said, rolling her eyes.

"That was different."

"How's that? Were you were under some weird delusion that you would be my last fuck?"

"No."

"Okay, then what's different?" He just glared at her so she continued, "Tell me something. If it was the other way around and an old lover of yours showed up suddenly and joined us, how would you want me to act? Would you want me to throw a fit and start refusing to sleep with you?"

"Damn it, Levy." Anger hung in his voice.

She sighed as she perched herself on the arm of the copilot's chair. "Look Atton, I am what I am. You can accept it and enjoy it, or you can cut yourself off. It's your choice."

"Not much of a choice, is it?"

"I guess that depends on what you think this is between us. If it's just sex between friends, I can't see how it matters. But, if you're beginning to think there's more to it than that… well… maybe it's better if we do cut it off."

"You're really something, you know that? Do you really think that just because I don't like the idea of you sleeping with every guy that comes along that I'm falling in love with you or something?

She grinned. "No, if I thought that, you wouldn't be here talking about it, I'd have left your ass on Citadel Station."

"Love you too, babe," he said with a roll of his eyes.

She laughed lightly as she shifted so that she was now perched on the arm of his chair, her legs pointing toward the door and her upper body twisted so that she faced him. "Really, you should be flattered. There are very few men in this galaxy that have kept my interest as long as you have. Most guys don't even make it to breakfast."

"Well, I guess that's something," he replied acerbically as she started running her fingers up his arm.

"What is it you want?"

"Right this minute?" she asked with suggestive grin.

He chuckled. "No, I mean what do you want from this, from us?"

"I just want to enjoy it for as long as it lasts."

He let his eyes drift over her body for a moment as he thought and she grinned at him as she leaned in closer. "I tell you what, you think about it while I get started on that thing I was wanting…"

Her lips met his and where hers were soft his were stiff. In spite of his resistance, her kiss didn't relent as her hands slid up his arms and wrapped around his neck. A moment later a low growl emitted from his chest as he aggressively wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her off the arm of the chair and into his lap. His kiss deepened as his left hand slid down and groped inside her waistband and his right hand began unfastening her shirt.

As they kissed, their exploring hands wrestled clothes off of one another and as each piece of flesh became exposed to the cool air of the cockpit their breathing grew increasingly ragged with longing. Finally, when all of the barriers between them were removed, Alevia slowly shifted her weight backward, kicking her right leg up and over him and then shifted onto her knees so that each one now rested on the outside edges of the pilot's chair. His hands fumbled with the mechanisms of the chair briefly before it reclined and she shifted forward over him, pressing hot wet kisses onto his neck as their bodies merged.

Some time later, she collapsed onto his chest, a soft moan still escaping involuntarily from her lips. His arms were wrapped protectively around her waist as their breathing slowed.

"Well," she whispered, "if you decide to call it off, at least I managed to get one last mind blowing orgasm from you."

"That's my specialty," he replied with a grin.

"Yes," she said in a low, smiling voice, "yes, it is."

As she lay there, she became acutely aware of the way his arms wrapped around her, of the way his cheek rested against her hair, and of the way her own body pressed so completely against his. The same sense of bewilderment that had haunted her last night after his sensual kiss settled onto her again and she realized in that moment that all of her lecture about this just being 'sex between friends and nothing more' had been more for her own benefit than for his. _It had been a good argument_, she thought. _Force, I almost believed it myself._

* * *

_Bright lights shone on the woman that lay strapped to the table that occupied most of the small, sterile room, as his hands flew over the controls of the nearby console, reviewing her records. Most of the notations in the file related to which drugs the "patient" had received and which procedures had been used to this point. He paused to read the latest note left by his partner._

_"After injecting our guest with a high dosage of adrenal stims, I noticed that she seemed to become highly agitated and anxious. Her heart rate raised considerably, but still within workable ranges and she struggled continually against her bonds, even without provocation._

_Twenty minutes into the session I began applying level 2 electrical charges alternated with rough physical and sexual contact. After her emotions reached a significant level, I turned off the neural inhibitor for fifteen seconds. This time, during her brief reconnection to the Force she used a wave of energy to push me across the room rather than trying to undo her bonds. It seems she is learning that she cannot escape and is beginning to give in to her emotions to exact revenge."_

_Another note on the console caught the man's eye. This one was a personal message from his partner._

_"Honestly, Jaq, as hot as this little schutta is, I don't know if I should be jealous of you that you get to play nice with her, or if you should be jealous of me because I get her first. Either way, it's going to be painful when she finally lets loose and tries to really hurt me. Do you suppose she's a choker or a lightning girl?"_

_Jaq smiled sinisterly at the console. He'd guess she was the lightning type if he had to. And considering that, he wasn't a bit jealous that he'd drawn "good cop" on this one. Especially since he was pretty sure he'd be able to get her first in spite of being the nice guy. She was close to breaking now and all he'd have to do was put on a little bit of his Jaq Rand charm and she'd be on him in a heartbeat._

_Her eyes snapped open in fear when he grew close, but they relaxed slightly into wariness as she saw it was the less aggressive of her two captors. He smiled at her with his best, "If I could change all this, I would" smile as he started unbuckling the restraints and helped her sit up._

"_It looks like the asshole got pretty rough with you," he said as he pulled a medkit from a nearby cabinet and started dressing her many wounds. She didn't say anything as he worked. He'd look up at her occasionally and smiled sadly as his hands lingered on nasty wounds in sensitive areas. _

_Her eyes were empty now. They had none of the life they'd had when they'd first brought her in, but Jaq knew from experience that the eyes became empty just before they began to fill with rage. The next few sessions would be incredibly tricky. She was on the verge of believing that giving into the slew of emotions they were triggering in her was her only escape. And that was where they needed her to go before they could turn her over to Revan for her final conversion. _

_His hands paused as he came to a particularly nasty burn on the inside of her thigh where the electrical current had been applied. His partner had certainly been ruthless with her on his last shift. She flinched as he reached for it with the kolto solution and he molded his face into an expression of anger. _

"_If he ever does anything like that to you again, I swear I'll kill him myself," he said through a clenched jaw, filling his voice with fury._

_She reached out and touched him on the shoulder and he lifted his eyes off her leg and up to her face. She shook her head slightly as her round, hollow eyes met his. _

"_I will," he said again as he slid his fingers up her leg. She shook her head again, more emphatically. He was impressed. They usually didn't argue with him by the time they were at this point of the process. "He deserves it, after what he's done to you."_

_Her eyes filled with tears as she broke eye contact with him and stared at the wall, blinking. He pulled her off the table and wrapped her up in his arms as he whispered, "Don't cry, this will be over soon." She leaned her head on his shoulder and the emotion she had been holding back broke free. The warmth of her tears began to work through his uniform as he kissed her hair softly._

_There was a knock at the door and he disentangled himself from the young woman's grasp. His commanding officer was outside and Jaq stepped through the doorway briefly to speak with him._

"_Her master's about to break," the C.O. informed him. "Revan wants this one killed now to push him over the edge."_

_Jaq nodded. It was a fairly standard tactic in the conversion of a Jedi Master and he had been expecting the possibility. It was a shame they wouldn't be keeping them both, but this is the way his work went. Her master was much more valuable to their cause than the young, inexperienced padawan that she was. _

_He stepped back into the room and closed the door. She still stood where he had left her and looked at him forlornly. He smiled at her reassuringly as he crossed the room and took her into his arms again. His C.O. hadn't told him how to kill her; just that he wanted it done now. He considered his options as he looked deeply into her eyes and finally made his choice._

_He reached up and brushed her still wet cheek with his thumb, slowly wiping the tears away. His hands wrapped into her hair, gently pulling her closer as he lowered his mouth to hers. Her kiss was hesitant at first, but she slowly gave into his persistent tongue as his hands gripped her head more firmly. After a moment he broke the kiss and looked into her eyes one last time before pressing his lips to her forehead and twisting her head violently in his grip. The sickening crack that heralded her death echoed through the small room as she collapsed in his arms._

Alevia's horrified cry rang out from the starboard dormitory as strong hands held her shoulders and shook her urgently. She struggled against them violently, as if fighting for her life. "General," Bao-Dur's familiar voice sounded in her ear, "You're having a nightmare, General. Can you hear me?"

His voice had a calming effect on her and she stopped struggling as her eyes snapped open and saw his concerned face. She nodded and then clung to him fervently as he sat her up in her bunk. She buried her face in his shoulder and sobbed uncontrollably.

"What was it, General?" he asked her softly. She shook her head, unwilling to relive the images and emotions enough to relate them. "It must have been pretty bad. You were thrashing in your bunk before you screamed. I could hear you in the garage."

She shivered convulsively as she remembered the fear that had come over her when she heard the officer's orders to her pilot. She had been willing him not to do it. The girl was so young, so trusting. Surely he wouldn't. But he had.

"What's wrong?" She heard her pilot ask from the dorm's doorway. At the sound of his voice a wave of fear came over her and she crawled further into Bao's arms.

"The General was having a nightmare," he said softly to the pilot as his arms wrapped around her shoulders soothingly.

The pilot didn't speak, but she could feel the fear rolling off him. She loosened her grip on Bao slightly and let her fearful gaze drift up to meet the bloodshot eyes of the man at the door. From his haunted expression she knew that they had shared his nightmare. He knew it too and the cold glare he gave her made it clear that it hadn't been just a dream but rather an oft relived memory. She quickly turned her head and buried her face back into Bao's shoulder, willing the man's presence from her mind. She sighed in relief as she heard his heavy footsteps echo down the hallway and away from her.

Her tech whispered softly into her ear, "It was just a dream, General, try to go back to sleep. I'll stay here with you if you'd like."

She nodded and tugged on him, pulling him into the bunk with her. He wrapped his arms around her and held her protectively as she drifted back to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Sorry it took this one so long to get written. I struggled with it quite a while but it finally gelled in the last few days. Since I've been sitting on it so long I didn't have the patience to send it off for a beta, so please forgive any blatant typos or roughness... :D Once again, thanks to everyone who's been reading and especially the reviewers. You guys make my day.

* * *

When Alevia woke again her head was resting on Bao's left upper arm, the deactivated artificial portion of his arm crooked across her back. Her face was still buried in his chest and his right hand wrapped protectively around her waist. She didn't open her eyes right away, but rather reached out into the Force to somehow bury herself in this man's presence.

In the Force he was a warm welcoming bright spot, like a sunny day on Dantooine, peaceful and serene. She basked in his familiar presence, willfully ignoring the still smoldering emotions that lingered in a far corner of his mind. She knew that was where he held his hatred for the Mandalorians and she assumed now that it also contained his guilt for Malachor. But right this minute, after the fear of her nightmare; all she wanted to experience was the comfort of his presence.

Still trying to escape the reverberating echo of the death of the young Jedi in her nightmare, she buried herself further in Bao's aura than she ever had before. As she burrowed, she became awestruck at the white hot center of it. _Had he always carried this much of the Force with him?_ She wondered. She didn't remember ever seeing any evidence to suggest it during the war, but she really hadn't been looking, either. She had always assumed that anyone with a reasonable amount of Force connection had been found and trained by the Jedi Order, but now there was little doubt that this man, her longtime friend and lover, had a very powerful connection to the Force.

Alevia followed the tendrils of Force energy radiating out from the center of the man that held her and found that one was continually wrapped around the machines that surrounded him. She smiled inwardly at the idea that all these years he had been connected to his work through the Force. Most Jedi considered machines to be lifeless, but she saw now that it wasn't true. Their Force energy didn't come from the life within them, but rather the life given to them by their creators.

A second tendril caught her attention and she followed it away from the tech and was surprised when it ended somewhere within her own aura. A Force bond – she should have known. She let her mind drift along the currents of the bond and wondered how long it had been there.

_A blue hologram of Revan flickered in the continuous downpour. "We've got to get those sensors back online now," it demanded harshly. "Stealthed Mandalorians have begun breaking through our defenses on the eastern end of the entrenchment and we will not be able to survive many more sabotage attempts. Fix them now."_

_The hologram disappeared before Alevia could respond and after a moment's thought she turned to her Republic Liaison Officer and said, "I need your best tech. I'll accompany him, for protection, but he's going to need to be able to travel quickly and quietly."_

"_I know just the man, Mistress Jedi," the officer replied succinctly before motioning to a nearby soldier. _

_The soldier departed quickly and returned a short time later with a young, skinny Zabrak, who, in spite of his youth, wore the designation of Tech Sergeant. On his back he carried a heavy pack filled with what Alevia could only assume were his tools and a small remote hovered over his shoulder. She nodded to the Liaison officer before gesturing distinctly for the Zabrak to follow her out of the camp. _

_She explained the problem to him briefly as they set off cross country at a brisk pace. The rain, local wildlife and Mandalorians were wreaking havoc on their sensor array, allowing small groups of stealthed Mando's to infiltrate parts of their camps. Fortunately he was already familiar with the general lay out of the sensors and in the quiet walk through the brush she knew that he was working out a solution to their problems._

_She wore her traditional robes and her dark hair was braided neatly down her back. She moved quickly through the brush, with an energy and awareness that radiated strength and leadership. Even in the constant downpour she was a shining example of the best of the young Jedi that had followed Revan._

_Bao-Dur followed her closely, pushing himself to keep up with her, but in spite of the grueling pace he was surprised that his energy never seemed to fade. When they arrived at the first sensor, he began the disassembly as she stood nearby expanding her awareness to observe everything he was doing as well as the forest around them. _

"_These sensors weren't made to work in a place as full of wildlife as this moon, Mistress Jedi," the tech spoke softly in his staccato voice. "Their sensitivity was turned down to keep them from going off when every maalras walked by, but because of that, they don't detect the stealthed Mandos like they should."_

"_How do we fix that?" _

"_It's just a matter of adjusting the sensors until they only…" he continued speaking but she was only half listening as she became aware of a person nearby in the brush. _

_Before the Zabrak was even aware of her inattention her lightsaber had been removed from her belt and hurled at an empty spot in the woods. As the saber came to rest again in her hand, a Mandalorian became visible and fell to the ground dead. She stood in her most basic lightsaber form, willing the remaining opponents to reveal themselves so that she could prioritize her attack. _

_Suddenly they were being barraged by blaster fire. Three more heavily armored soldiers appeared as Alevia sprinted towards the closest one, putting herself between Bao-Dur and the incoming fire. She attacked her opponent ruthlessly with the blade as she wrapped Bao-Dur in a protective energy. He jumped to her side and began hurling plasma grenades at their furthest opponent. _

_When the last man collapsed, her eyes darted to and fro, assessing the forest quietly. "We don't have much time," she said quietly, "there are more a few clicks away. We have to get this sensor repaired and hidden."_

_He nodded, already wrist deep in the small sensor once more. She watched him, silently urging him to work faster. Not that he was working slowly, he wasn't, but she knew time was of the essence. She crossed to him and crouched over his bag, still watching the wood with her senses, but focusing intently on the young man in front of her. She knew that she would be of little use to him as a tech, but if she could help him keep his mental focus and physical stamina renewed she could be a great asset._

_As she perched nearby, she sent every beneficial Force power into him that she could think of. And as he worked she began reaching into his toolkit and handing him the tools and parts he needed as he asked for them. But after a short while, his words were coming after she had the item he needed in hand and so he quit saying anything at all._

_The first sensor was done more quickly than he could have imagined possible. It had been completely reprogrammed to detect men, stealthed and unstealthed alike. The reprogramming was complicated, but he'd managed to rewire the circuits in record time with her help. _

_He glanced up at her admiringly as he held the small sensor out to her. "It's done. Where should we hide it?"_

_She took it from him and then stretched out with the Force once again to ascertain her surroundings. After deciding there were no Mandalorians nearby she crouched slightly and jumped, landing on a branch in the tree above them. She wired it into place and dropped back down onto the ground next to the tech._

_She started to pull the small stand the sensor had been placed on out of the ground and his hand stopped her. With a wink, he reached into his bag and pulled out some parts. He then dropped them to the ground, stomping on them and crushing them before he attached them to the stand._

_She grinned. This young man had all the deviousness of a council member and she decided in that moment that she liked him immensely._

As Alevia lay in her tech's arms, her memories washing over her, she realized that even in those earliest moments that their Force bond had begun to form. She could only assume she hadn't recognized it for what it was at the time because her mind had been so boxed in by her Jedi training.

Revan had seen it, though, she realized now. After their successful reprogramming and repair of the sensor array they had ended in Revan's camp and he had immediately been intrigued by their partnership. He had looked back and forth between them while she briefed him on the success of the mission. It had been only a short time afterward that he had Bao-Dur reassigned to Alevia's team and they had begun working together on other projects.

Revan's name reverberated in her mind still from the nightmare she had shared with her pilot the night before. Had Revan really given an order to have the young padawan killed? Had her pilot really carried it out? Alevia had little idea of what had happened to Revan after Malachor, but she had seen enough of his slide into the darkness to know that he was capable of such things.

The nightmare was another problem all together. Now, in the clarity of the morning she knew without a doubt that the shared dream meant that she had begun to form a Force bond with her pilot as well. The thought churned her stomach. She didn't reach out to find Atton in the Force to confirm her suspicions, though. Her fear of what she might find there if she did overwhelmed her and she did her best to block thoughts of him from her mind.

"Good morning, General," Bao's lilting voice greeted her followed with a kiss to her forehead.

She smiled. "Is it morning?" She teased him with the same question she'd asked him so often during the war.

"It's always morning somewhere, General," he said with a small smile as she gripped him tightly.

"So it, is, lieutenant, so it is," she gave her traditional reply with a small chuckle as she leaned away from him so her eyes could focus on his and pondered him a moment.

His being a Force sensitive put their relationship in a whole different category. The only Jedi she had ever been intimate with had been Revan. Their Force bond had formed during their brief affair, linking the two of them in what had been at the time, the most powerful bond of her life.

When he had brushed her aside it had nearly destroyed her. Not because of a broken heart as she had suspected at first, but because she had become so completely connected to this man who embodied the Force. In his strength, she had become stronger, but she also had lost a part of herself. Her thoughts and actions were no longer just hers and she never knew when his voice would materialize in her head.

It had been shortly after the bond formed that she'd been promoted to General. It was a valid tactical decision given the nature of the bond. To be able to communicate with Revan from across the battlefield on a wavelength that couldn't be tapped or otherwise breached was a strategic advantage that could not be disregarded. But in doing so she became nothing more than a tool to him and she despised that.

She had sworn to herself that she would never again let herself become tied to another Jedi to that extent. And there was little doubt about it, while the bond may have formed eventually with just their friendship, it had been the sexual intimacy that had tempered it and made it so much stronger than the other bonds she had formed at that point in her life.

So in an effort to protect herself from repeating her past mistake she had decided that she would return to the Jedi way of celibacy. But it hadn't been long before the brutality of the war began to wear at her spirit and in an effort to escape she had found herself in the soldier's mess with a glass of juma. When a young soldier caught her eye, she justified to herself that as long as it wasn't a Jedi, there wasn't any danger of losing herself in another bond. For the most part that had been true. Most of the men she had begun to seduce held nothing more for her than a temporary distraction from the death that surrounded her daily.

But then there had been Bao-Dur. Since he had not been a Jedi, the bond she had formed with him had been less intrusive, she realized now, but it had been every bit as strong as many of the other bonds in her life, perhaps even as strong as the bond with Revan.

It was undeniable that she took on a portion of his skills and thoughts when they worked together. They didn't share conscious thoughts like she and Revan had, but rather she skimmed along the surface of his instinctive technical gifts and was able to absorb pieces of him.

"What are you thinking, General?" he asked her quietly.

She smiled warmly. "I was thinking about us, about how well we work together."

His eyes shone brightly, "We do, General. Since the war I've always worked on projects I could manage on my own. No one else could ever fill your shoes."

She chuckled. "After a lifetime of Jedi training, you'd think I'd have been more important to the war than being a human comlink and a Tech's assistant."

"General!" he scolded her playfully, "You shouldn't sell yourself short like that. You were also a morale booster for the troops!"

She rolled her eyes and smacked him lightly on the shoulder. "That makes me feel a lot better!"

He chuckled. "Seriously, though, you were a great Jedi. Watching you fight was like watching someone dance."

"Maybe," she said with a small smile, "I never liked dancing though."

"A shame, General," he replied. "Though, if you danced like you fought, you'd run out of partners very quickly."

She smiled as she sat up and stretched.

"If you don't mind me asking," he began tentatively as he watched her from the bunk still, "what was your nightmare about?"

She shivered involuntarily but forced herself to answer, "Let's just say our pilot has a darker past than I expected and I saw a small piece of it last night."

He looked puzzled as he sat up and considered her, "You shared his nightmare?" She nodded. "The last time I remember that happening was with Revan."

She nodded again. "Apparently Atton's Force sensitive enough that I've formed a bond with him."

"Ah, interesting," he said quietly.

"I have one with you, too, you know," she blurted out as she stood and paced across the room. He nodded. _Of course he knew, _she thought to herself, _he always knew._

"You know that means you're a Force sensitive, don't you?" she asked hesitantly.

He nodded again, "I began to suspect it when I was working with the Ithorians. Their view of the Force is more primitive, but closer to the way my people see it." She was silent, lost in her own thoughts again when he finally broke in, "Does it matter?"

She shrugged. "Not really," she said, "you're the same as you've always been. And you're too old to start training to be a Jedi, even if any of the masters might be willing. So you just get to continue being an exceptionally talented tech." She finished her statement with a smile and he nodded.

"You could take a padawan, though, couldn't you?"

"I am an exile. It would not be allowed."

"Allowed by whom?" he asked quietly. "Who is there to tell you no?"

"Well, Atris, for one. And the other Masters we seek."

"Do you really care what they think?" She shrugged. The answer was no, and they both knew it. "So why wouldn't you want to take a padawan?"

"I was never a good Jedi," she said, "and now I'm not even that."

"You are more than you know, General."

"Training adults just isn't done, though. It's too difficult a transition," she flung a random argument at him in frustration.

"I think there's something else there, General. Some other reason you're afraid of training another Jedi."

She shrugged unconvincingly with a frown. "I promised myself after Revan that I wouldn't get involved with another Jedi ever again."

"You think I could hurt you like Revan did?"

"No, I think that training someone who I have an active bond with to use the Force makes me very vulnerable."

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"It would only make the bond stronger… and I have a hard enough time keeping my own thoughts straight, then we've got Kreia's added in… I certainly don't need yours and Atton's bouncing around in there too!"

"Aren't they already, though?

"Ugh. Yes. But…" she trailed off. "Do you even want to be a Jedi?" She finally asked him almost accusingly.

"Not really, no," he said with a small smile.

"Good. Then why were we arguing?"

"Were we arguing, General? I was just wondering if you were ever going to take a padawan. This galaxy needs more Jedi. Jedi who aren't afraid to fight, but understand the price they pay by doing so."

"Well, that's you and me…" she said with a sigh.

"And perhaps the pilot, too…"

"No," she said coldly, "I am not training him. I don't plan on him staying with us after we land at Nar Shaddaa."

"He's still the same person he was yesterday."

"No," she stated firmly. "He's not." Bao raised an eyebrow at her but didn't argue and she continued, "Why are you defending him anyway? I'd think you'd be thrilled to get rid of him."

He didn't answer for a moment and just stared at her contemplatively. "I don't know, General. It just seems like you're out of balance right now, hopping on one leg, pretending like he isn't already a part of you."

"I've severed bonds before. I can sever this one as well."

"Then why haven't you?"

She was trying to think of words to defend herself when the ship dropped out of hyperspace and Atton announced over the com that they'd be touching down soon. She shuddered again at the sound of his voice and Bao reached out gently and touched her hand.

"Before you sever your leg, General, ask him about his nightmare," he said quietly. "He might surprise you."

* * *

Alevia didn't take her tech's advice. When they landed she had tersely avoided eye contact with her pilot while he gave them the run down of the Nar Shaddaa refugee sector. She hadn't asked him to accompany her when she stepped off the ship and began exploring the Smuggler's Moon, either.

He took his seeming non-existence well, it seemed, so Alevia decided he didn't want to talk about it anymore than she did. She was surprised, though, that the second the loading ramp had lowered he hadn't immediately headed to the cantina. He seemed to be unwilling to leave the ship now, like he was afraid that if he did she'd leave without him.

She and Bao-Dur wandered the streets of the moon, investigating every nook and cranny they could find and asking, when appropriate, about possible Jedi in the sector. Sometimes Kreia joined them and sometimes they wandered alone. As a testament to its war ravaged citizens the Refugee Sector was riddled with people who were in desperate need.

She tried to help where she could, but even before Kreia's lecture about being careful about how you help, she was overwhelmed by how much need there was here. She couldn't possibly help everyone who needed it, but if she wanted Zez-Kai-Ell to reveal himself, she had to convince him that she was trustworthy. In Jedi terms, that meant being a servant to those around you.

So she helped. But she also did not shy away from the inevitable confrontations that came from her actions. With every death, she lost her hesitancy to kill and she realized that she didn't feel each death like she had during the war – at least not in the same way. It was a bit unnerving, actually. She had always clung to that pain and regret as evidence that she had not fallen. Now that it was gone, she wondered if she already had.

Alevia walked cautiously down the ramp toward the two thugs that guarded the doorway below, not wanting to give them any reason to see her as a threat, with Bao-Dur following closely behind her quietly.

"Get out of here, this is Serroco territory," one of the thugs insisted as she approached.

Her eyes dipped to the floor for a moment and when she raised them again to meet him she smiled alluringly and purred, "I just need to speak with your leader."

"Oh, I guess you can go through then," he replied with a small blush.

She thanked him and slunk through the door towards the gathering of armed men. Seeing how outnumbered she and Bao were, she slipped into her cantina hunting mode, and gave the young men a vapid smile.

"What do you want?" their apparent leader questioned her suspiciously.

"I heard about you from the refugee leader. I came to see if what he said was true," she said with a coy smile.

"What was that?"

"That you've managed to claim half of the Refugee Sector for your small group of thugs."

He let out a small laugh. "We're not small and we need our space."

"Perhaps," she smiled, "but there are a lot of people getting sick and it will only get worse if they stay so concentrated in one area."

"So? What's that got to do with us?" he snarled at her.

"I need you to give the refugees some room."

"No," he replied bluntly, "now get out or we'll dispose of you ourselves."

She sighed and turned away from him as though she were going to leave, but with a nod to Bao, she spun suddenly and sent wave of energy toward the grouping of men, sending half of them sliding across the platform out of melee range and then threw out a stasis field paralyzing a few of those who remained in close quarters, including their leader. She and Bao tore into the few who were still within reach and managed to take them down before their companions regained control over their own bodies.

They struck down the thugs one by one, until all that was left was the Serroco leader and one thug at a distance, shooting at them with a blaster. As her energy shield's charge wore off, Alevia spun to fight the leader just as he came out of stasis. With her shield depleted, a blaster bolt hit her in the side and a searing heat shot up her spine.

She cried out in pain as she slammed her blade against the leader's with a sudden bolt of adrenaline, knocking him away from her. Her eyes flicked to the thug that was shooting at her just in time to see a brownish streak fly across the platform and slam into him. Her eyes widened as Bao-Dur's energized arm made contact with the sniper's head just before the thug collapsed to the ground.

Her own opponent had recovered from her brutal attack and swiped at her legs with his sword. Without a thought towards him, she jumped over his blade and put him in stasis again.

Her face was twisted into an expression of disbelief as she held her side and leaned on her sword. "Sith Spit! Did you really just jump from behind me to over there?" She questioned Bao-Dur incredulously.

"Perhaps we should talk about it after you deal with your opponent, General?"

She glanced at the paralyzed leader and saw his eyes widen in surprise at the use of her title. She raised an eyebrow and gave him a grin before she shot back to Bao, "Damn it, Bao, I thought you didn't want to be a Jedi!"

"Neither do you, but that hasn't stopped you, has it?" he said with a slight smirk.

She turned back to the leader, who, though he was still frozen, suddenly had a much less hostile look on his face. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to lead authoritatively when your crew absorbs pieces of your knowledge subconsciously?" she asked the leader with a melodramatic sigh as he dropped out of stasis.

"No, Mistress Jedi," he said respectfully as he lowered his sword.

"Let me tell you, it's just not possible," she grumbled as she turned and shook her head at Bao.

"What else have you picked up?" she questioned her tech with resignation.

"I'm not sure, General," he spoke quietly as he walked back across the platform towards her, "I didn't know I could do that until I had."

She nodded and turned her attention back to the leader. "And what shall we do with you?"

"Perhaps my remaining men and I can make more room for the refugees, ma'am," he said in a subdued tone.

"Are you sure? Because it appears I'm going to have to teach my tech a few skills and I'm sure he'd be happy to start training on you," she said dryly.

"Yes, Mistress Jedi."

She nodded to him and gestured for Bao to follow her as she turned and made her way to the entrance. Once they were on the ramp and by themselves she turned to him again.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" she asked quietly.

He nodded and tried to explain, "Having you here has an effect on me, General. I never noticed it years ago. I think my mind was too occupied then."

She nodded slightly, "I know what you mean. I never noticed it either, maybe because we were so young, we didn't know it wasn't normal."

"Maybe that was it, I'm not sure. But since I found you again I feel… calm. More in control. The anger is still there, but I can feel it drifting away.

"The last years of my life have been defined by it – the Mandalorians, Czerka and Revan. And above all else, myself, for Malachor."

"What about me for giving the order?" she questioned him, her guilt visible in her eyes.

"Never, General. It had to be done. My hands destroyed the Mandalorians. I cannot be forgiven for that."

She shook her head at him vehemently. "If you've forgiven me, why can't you forgive yourself?"

"Because you acted to save those you had sworn to protect. I did it out of hatred of the Mandalorians," he said grimly.

"But as you said, it had to be done. The Mandalorians were defeated and the Republic saved."

"That might be the truth, but I don't want to see it that way. I can't just ignore the blood on my hands."

"You're too stubborn," she argued. "There is no more blood on your hands than on mine, just the blood our guilt forces us to imagine."

"Even if there isn't, I still feel like I need to do something to make up for it."

She nodded, realizing that he, too, was looking for a way to undo the mistakes of the past. "I think that with training the Force could become your shield," she said thoughtfully, "and maybe together, we can learn to let go of our guilt and our anger."

"I'd like that, General."

* * *

_Jaq walked briskly down the dark corridor, trying desperately to fight off the anxiety that was gnawing at his gut. His instincts insisted that he needed to run – flee from this place – but he maintained his pace as he began counting cards in his head, hoping that the dark Jedi who were currently on duty wouldn't sense the sudden change in him._

_He couldn't imagine they wouldn't, though. The echo of the Force that his latest victim had shown him still rang in his ears and in his mind and in his heart. He ducked into the small 'fresher at the end of the corridor and braced himself on the sink as he caught his breath._

_He glanced up into the mirror and didn't recognize the person that looked back at him. This other Jaq looked like scrag. The dark circles under his eyes and the gaunt, hollowed cheeks twisted the apparition into something from a nightmare. He closed his eyes as he ran his hands under the water began rubbing his face with his wet palms. _

_The water that ran off his hands was stained red with blood – Her blood. Not blood from her death – that had been mercifully blood free – but rather from the wounds he had been compelled to inflict upon her as she lied to him. Jedi always talked a lot when they were being worked, he was used to it, but her deceit had been more insidious than most. _

_With each lie, he hurt her more, as if trying to prove to both of them that the scrag she was spewing couldn't possibly be true. He glanced up at his reflection again as he washed the back of his neck. He shuddered as the sight of his eyes triggered the memory of the vision she had forced into his mind. _

_The first thing she had shown him was how he looked to her, through the Force. From the haunting sight of the death in his eyes, the vision had quickly spiraled outward encompassing more and more of the Force and the darkness that his hands had caused. The fear and pain of all his victims slammed into him with a nauseating intensity and he realized that if he stayed, if the dark Jedi he was working for realized his true potential, that his victims' experiences would become his and he would be forced to live in this relentless hell forever. _

_The vivid memory triggered Jaq's nausea again and he braced against the sink as his already emptied stomach heaved mercilessly. _

Alevia awoke as the inexorable nausea overwhelmed her. She rolled to the edge of her bunk just in time to see the previous evening's meal expelled violently onto the floor. She shook as her stomach continued to convulse periodically. When it had finally calmed she looked up from the floor and met her pilot's eyes. She recoiled into her bunk as his face hardened.

"Serves you right," he growled at her, "You Jedi are all the same… crawling around in people's heads…"

She stared at him in disbelief as he stood trembling in the doorway. "You think I was _trying_ to see that scrag?" she yelled at him as she sat up on the side of her bunk and wrapped her arms around her stomach. "What sane person would wish those memories on themselves?" she flung at him angrily.

His hard eyes narrowed as he spat, "But no one has ever accused _you_ of being sane, have they?"

"Get out," she snarled.

"Fine," he said in a low menacing voice, "just stay out of my head." He turned and stalked angrily out of the room.

She rested her head in her hands and the emotions from his dream began to solidify in her own mind. She blinked hard as tears began to well up in her eyes and her body began to sob quietly. She cried as a response to the darkness, fear and pain he had seen in his vision, but she also grieved for him.

The face she had seen in the mirror was not the man she knew now. He had been so young and the fear in his eyes made him seem little more than a boy. Being so firmly rooted in her own youth at the time, she had never realized how young the men were who joined them in the war so long ago. But now the images of their barely post-adolescent faces barraged her and she wept uncontrollably for their lost childhood and her own.


	8. Chapter 8

"_Do you know why we've called you here, Initiate Alevia?" Master Vrook's harsh voice scratched at her already eroded will._

"_Yes, Master Vrook," she answered meekly as she looked at the floor, concealing the grief, anger and frustration that had built up in her over the last week._

"_Via, do you see now why we have discouraged you from forming bonds with your fellow students?" Master Kavar asked her more gently._

_She nodded as tears welled up in her eyes._

"_While we all have felt the loss of Master Andus and Padawan Gann, you have been affected in ways that we cannot imagine because of your bond with the latter."_

_She nodded again and sobbed audibly as tears dripped off her eyelashes and onto the smooth floor of the council chambers._

"_A Jedi cannot afford to be so attached to others. We must be free of emotional entanglement so that we may see the Force clearly."_

"_We offer you our sympathy, youngling," Master Vandar spoke, "but we feel that we must help you prevent future complications from these bonds."_

"_They must be severed, for your own good, Initiate Alevia," Vrook insisted._

_Her small frame shook visibly at their words._

"_Master Vrook will teach you how," Vandar continued, "so that if you find you've formed one in the future you can sever it before it becomes too strong."_

_She finally lifted her head up from the floor and looked pleadingly at Master Kavar as she wiped her tears from her cheeks with the heel of her palm. _Yes, child, mine too. _He spoke through their bond gently. _It is for the best.

_She sucked in a deep breath as Vrook placed his firm hand on her shoulder. She wanted to yell at them. This wasn't fair and it wasn't right. She couldn't keep the bonds from forming and now they wanted her to sever them. If it felt anything like when Gann had been ripped from her… she'd rather die now than endure that again. _

_Her bond with Gann had been formed in the first weeks after her arrival here at the Temple and when he and his master had died in a shuttle crash she had collapsed in the middle of combat practice. When she awoke hours later, she felt like a giant piece of her had vanished. She became despondent and that was enough to convince the council that something had to be done._

_She gritted her teeth and followed Vrook out of the council chambers toward a nearby meditation room. Once inside, she sat across from the old man and let her eyes meet his bravely. He nodded in as reassuring a manner as he could muster and began the meditation. In her mind his voice echoed ominously, directing her toward the tendrils of Force energy that radiated out from her aura. _

_When he focused on the bond with Kavar she began to shake in fear. _No, not that one first_, she pleaded silently, _a different one, with one of the students. _But Vrook circled it mercilessly as he waited for her to accept her fate. Knowing that there was no stopping this, she took a deep breath and nodded. _

_Vrook latched onto the tendril and snapped it violently. _

_She cried out and her whole body convulsed as a searing pain rolled through her followed by an unimaginable sense of loss. Tears burst from her eyes and she collapsed on the floor of the meditation room in a quivering mass._

The overwhelming sense of loss still hung over Alevia when she awoke. She hadn't had that particular nightmare since before Malachor and she'd almost forgotten it had happened. She'd been eleven.

She sat on the edge of her bunk for a moment and tried to regain her mental balance. In some ways it was comforting to be having her own nightmares again and not her pilot's. At least this gnawing, hollow feeling was familiar to her. It occurred to her that she should probably ask Kreia about the nightmares and their increasing frequency, but decided that it could wait until morning. She pulled on her clothes and her boots, attached her newly constructed lightsaber to her belt and headed toward the ramp.

She poked her head into the garage before she left and smiled at the sight of her tech, nestled in between the workbench and the port wall of the garage, asleep on the make-shift palate where she had visited him so frequently in the two weeks since their arrival here. But his comfort wasn't what she needed now. He stirred and opened his eyes.

"Hey, General," he greeted her sleepily. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just another bad dream," she explained as she shifted on her feet restlessly. "I've gotta get out of here for a little bit. Thought I'd head to the cantina and get a drink."

He nodded. "Be careful, there are a lot of Exchange thugs out there with itchy trigger fingers."

"I will be," she promised. She gave him a tight smile and turned toward the ramp.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw her pilot standing in the main hold, a bewildered expression on his face. Their eyes met and she saw in them her own grief, a reflection of the loss and emptiness of her nightmare. She nodded slightly at him, acknowledging that she knew what he'd seen and headed out alone into the Nar Shaddaa night.

Alevia sat by herself at a table in the Red Sector's cantina, taking long swigs from her glass of juma as she fiddled absentmindedly with another already empty glass on the table. As the familiar lightheadedness came over her she decided that it had been entirely too long since she had been drunk. This is what she had been looking forward to since Atton first started talking about Nar Shaddaa all the way back on Peragus. She had always envisioned that he'd be here with her, though, sharing a drink and few laughs.

She took another long swig, hoping to cut off that particular train of thought before she began dwelling on the Twi'lek that had "informed" her of her pilot's unsavory past and the nightmares that had let her experience it first hand. The emotional backlash from her own nightmare was bad enough at the moment.

She sighed heavily as she glanced around the room at the other patrons, as much out of habit as anything, but also needing a distraction. She needed something to take her mind off – and perhaps subdue – the lingering emptiness. A tall, burly man across the room caught her eye and she studied him intently. He had short brown hair and his clothes suggested he was a spacer of some sort. He wasn't the most attractive man she'd ever laid a trap for, but he'd do. Eventually he turned toward her and she let her eyes meet his. She tilted her head and raised her eyebrows in a summoning gesture.

He smiled slightly and crossed the room toward her. They always did. "Need something, miss?"

"Just looking for someone to share a drink with me," she said with a long glance down his torso and then back up to his eyes. "Interested?"

"You buyin'?" He flashed a flirtatious grin as he settled into the chair across from her.

"Of course." She signaled to the waitress and in a moment two more glasses of juma had been delivered to the table.

He gave her his name and asked for hers. "I hate my name," she said perfunctorily as she downed another swig of her drink.

"So change it," he said, amused by her deviation from the usual cantina banter.

"That's what I hate about it. I don't have to change it; everyone else does that for me." It was obvious from the expression on his face that he wasn't following her at all. She shook her head. "Sorry, don't worry about it, just call me Al."

"Al?" He chuckled. "Is that really your name?"

"Close enough for our purposes." Alevia offered him a sultry grin as she rested her chin on her hand and let her eyes drift over him.

"Hello, Al, it's nice to meet you." He smirked as he leaned back in his chair.

A loud grating noise cut across the cantina's music as a third chair was drug away from her table and her pilot plopped down into it, his arm hanging over the back and half leaning against the table. She glowered at him.

"What are you doing here?" she growled.

"Bao-Dur told me where you'd gone and I just thought I'd see what kind of trouble my boss was getting herself into," he said with a wry grin as he ordered his own glass of juma and then turned toward the table resting his forearms on the small surface.

"Go back to the ship, Atton," she snapped as her new friend shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"He also told me about the Twi'lek," Atton added casually, "and a little more about the nightmares. And after what I saw tonight, I think we have some things we need to talk about."

"I'm _busy_, Atton. It can wait 'til morning."

The casual look on his face vanished suddenly as he leaned over the table, bringing his face close to hers. "Listen, Levy," he growled as he jabbed a finger at her. "You may not be screwing me anymore, but there's no way in hell I'm going to let you fuck him tonight," he said with a jerk of his head towards the other man.

At that, the man stood and nodded to her briefly. "Thanks for the drink, miss," he said curtly as he stepped away from the table.

Alevia was furious. "Damn it, Atton, who I choose to screw isn't any of your business."

He glared at her, his stony eyes silently challenging her assertion as he downed his glass of juma and held up three fingers to the waitress signaling for more. She sat in silence with her arms crossed, attempting to burn holes in his chest with her eyes.

"I don't know about you," he said as he played with his empty glass, "but it's been way too long since I got really, fracking drunk."

"I thought you wanted to talk."

"Yeah, well, that's why I need to get drunk."

They sat in silence until their new drinks arrived and Atton began drinking again, more slowly this time. "I'm sorry I accused you of crawling into my head," he finally said without looking up at her, "I didn't think it was possible that you could have just dreamed them along with me, at least not until it happened to me. I'm sorry you saw those things."

"Yeah, _Jaq_, I bet you are," she snapped.

"Don't call me that," he snarled as his fists balled up in rage.

"Why, not? It's your name, isn't it? Even the Twi'lek said you weren't Atton and that you showed up here during the Jedi Civil War."

"I'm as Atton, as Atton will ever be," he replied indignantly, "and whoever your trusted informant is, he's right. I did show up on Nar Shaddaa during the war… along with a lot of other refugees."

"You were no refugee."

"No? The colonies on my home world were wiped out by the Mandalorians, same as most everyone else that was here."

"Don't try to change the subject, Jaq. You know what I've seen."

The look in his eyes was deadly as he said in a very low voice "Never use that name again."

She met his gaze, her own anger seeping out as the two sat there silently fuming over their drinks. After several minutes of the impasse, Alevia finally let out a long sigh.

"Okay, fine, _Atton,_ why don't you go ahead and say whatever it is you think I need to hear."

"Nope," he said, the casual tone in his voice returning at the use of his chosen name. "I need to be way more drunk before we get to that scrag."

The corners of her mouth twitched slightly as she nodded, "I'll drink to that." She downed the rest of her drink and took one of the three he'd ordered as he shot her a playful glare.

She shrugged with a smirk. "This'll be my fourth. You'd better try to catch up, flyboy."

His eyes lit up at her challenge and he flagged the waitress down again and ordered a bottle of Corellian Lum and two shot glasses. "If we're gonna play this game, we should play it right."

"Corellian Lum? You couldn't get the cheap stuff?"

"Nah, we drink that much juma, we're gonna spend all night in the 'fresher" he said with a grin. "Besides, you can afford it."

She returned his grin, enjoying this sexy, pain in the ass, side of him. "You should be warned, I'm a sappy drunk."

"Oh really?" his eyes lit up. "So if I get you completely plastered you'll confess your undying love for me?"

"Probably," she said with a sigh. "Or so I've been told. I don't actually remember much of the incidences themselves. Which is a really awkward way to wake up, let me tell you." He snickered and she shot him a look. "Oh, right, like that's never happened to you."

"Nah, even drunk I don't stick around till morning."

The waitress returned with the bottle of lum and after Atton filled the glasses, the two of them threw back the shots in unison and clanked their glasses on the table.

The lum had a pleasant, satisfying burn to it and Alevia smiled as it warmed her throat. "Five weeks," she said as she watched him refill her glass.

"What?"

"It's been five weeks since I picked you up…"

"And?" he asked as he gulped down another shot.

"Which morning aren't you sticking around for?" she asked with a grin.

"The one after you confess your undying love for me," he replied with a wink.

"Well, scrag, and here we were finally making up…" she chuckled.

"Tell me something," he said in a serious tone after another round of shots. After a dramatic pause he leaned forward with a grin and asked, "What's the craziest thing you've ever done when drunk?"

"A Falleen" she deadpanned as his eyes widened in surprise. "What? She was gorgeous!" she added as he choked on his drink.

After his fit of coughing subsided he croaked out, "Seriously?"

She let out a raucous laugh. "You wish, flyboy."

"Yeah," he agreed with a nod as his mind apparently chased the image that had popped into his head. "I'd pay good creds to see that."

"Men," she scoffed.

"Hey, you brought it up," he said as he held up his hands in innocence.

She giggled. "Yeah, I guess I did." She slid down in her chair and kicked her feet up into his lap.

He patted her booted ankle affectionately before reaching into his jacket and pulling out a pack of cigarras and lighting one up. Her eyes brightened and with a chuckle he handed her his and lit a second one for himself. In her semi-reclined position she became mesmerized by the twinkling of the reddish hued cantina lights as the smoke curled up to the ceiling.

They sat in silence for a few minutes each lost in their own thoughts before he prodded her gently, "So, tell me about the dream I had tonight."

"What's to tell?" she said with a shrug of her shoulders. "I was eleven. They were trying to help. It wasn't their fault it hurt so much."

"But," he twisted his face in confusion, "what were they doing to you?"

She looked puzzled for a moment and then realized he didn't have any context for the images he'd seen. "They severed a Force bond," she explained as she swung her feet off his lap and sat up straight. "It's not unusual for a Jedi to develop a bond with another Jedi they work closely with. Usually it will begin during the Master and Padawan relationships."

"But that's normal right?"

She tilted her head in partial concession. "That is, but I didn't have one Force bond, I had thirteen." His eyes widened in surprise as she continued. "Or, I'd had thirteen before Gann died. The masters warned me countless times not to form them with the other students. But I couldn't help it."

She thought for a moment as she refilled her glass. "Gann and I arrived at the temple about the same time. We were four years old and very close. And when he died…" her face twisted up, trying to think of a way to explain. "Have you ever pulled weeds?"

He chuckled. "Sure, there's lots of that when you grow up on a farm."

She smiled, surprised at his humble origins. "When a Force bond forms," she began to explain, "it grows, a lot like a plant. The person's aura roots itself in yours and the longer it's allowed to develop, the deeper, and stronger that root system gets.

"When Gann died, it was like someone pulled him right out of me. But like when you pull weeds, you don't just get the roots, you get everything that those roots are wrapped around as well."

"So they were pulling out the other bonds in your dream?"

"Sorta," she said as she downed another shot of lum. "They actually severed the bonds, rather than pulled them… but again, like a plant, if you remove the part above the soil, the roots will wither and die."

"It hurt," he said quietly.

She nodded. "Yeah, it hurts a lot. Not sure why. It may just be the subconscious mind trying to make sense of the mental pain."

"So why did I see your dream?"

She gave him a wry grin. "For the same reason I saw yours… when you have a Force bond with someone sharing dreams, nightmares and visions is pretty common."

His eyes widened slightly at her implications. "Are you going to sever it?"

"If you want me to, I will. I certainly didn't mean for it to form, but if it were up to me, I wouldn't."

He nodded slowly, leaned back in his chair and took a long draught off his cigarra. He seemed lost in thought for a while before he finally broke the silence again. "I was thirteen," he said solemnly, "when the Mandalorians started attacking colonies in our sector."

Her eyes flicked to his and he gave her a faint, sad smile. "I left home when I was fifteen to join the Republic forces that had gathered to protect our system. The hope was that we'd stop them before they got to my colony, but of course with the time the Republic wasted planning and trying to get the Jedi to join us, we didn't even engage them before they started bombing. The whole colony was wiped out."

Alevia breathed in sharply. "I'm so sorry."

He shrugged. "That part of the story is the same as anyone else who lived out there. For a year after I joined we lost battle after battle. Usually arriving too late to do anything but cleanup, not that there was ever much left.

"By the time Revan and the rest of you joined the war, we were so grateful that someone had the balls to defy the Jedi Council that we would have followed him to hell and back." He took another long drag off his cigarra before adding, "I did."

She studied his face for a moment as he looked into his empty glass, gazing through it to some other far away time. She couldn't place what exactly was so different about him now, as compared to in the mirror in his dream, but he had changed quite a bit. For one thing, he had lost quite a bit of his youthful lankiness. Ten years would do that to a person, she supposed, but there was also something else, too. Somehow, he was just more than he had been – more balanced, more mature, more of himself.

"I was nineteen when the Jedi Civil War began." He started again, and then let that thought hang there as he grabbed the bottle and refilled their shot glasses. He tossed his back and she took hers and sipped it, waiting patiently for him to resume his story.

He lit another cigarra and continued, "When Revan turned on the Republic, I knew where I belonged. Without the Jedi, without Revan and you, the Republic would have lost the war and we'd all be Mandalorian slaves or corpses. He saved us."

She nodded slightly, encouraging him to keep going.

"After Malachor, after the Mandalorian Wars, that's when the Sith teachings started spreading through the ranks." He shifted almost nervously as he leaned against the table. "We knew where our loyalties lay – to the Jedi who came to help us, not the ones who sat back on Dantooine and Coruscant, watching us die. So when those same Jedi who let us be slaughtered by the millions decided to start fighting us during the Jedi Civil War, we fought back. I fought back."

"Fought?" For a moment Alevia saw the young Jedi girl's face in her mind.

"No, you're right, I didn't fight Jedi, I killed them. A lot of them." She watched him shift nervously again as his hands twirled an unlit cigarra between his fingers.

"People say killing Jedi is hard. It's not. You just have to be smart about it. No blasters, no getting close to them, no attacking them directly when you can gun down their allies instead.

"There's ways of gassing them, drugging them, making them lose control, torturing them… I was really good at it." She watched him closely as he spoke. There was regret in his voice, but it was also tinged with pride.

"What's worse is that killing them wasn't the best thing. Making them fall… making them see our side of it, that was the best."

She shuddered as the vision of his effect in the force slammed into her again. She leaned forward suddenly, grabbing the bottle off the table and refilled her glass.

His eyes shot to hers and he nodded. "Yeah," he said simply.

After another thoughtful pause he said, "Revan knew that whoever had the most, the strongest Jedi were going to win the Civil War. If Revan couldn't convert Jedi, then Revan would kill them."

"So Revan trained elite Sith units into assassination squads, whose duty was to go out and capture enemy Jedi. I was in one of the special units trained to do it."

"You were so young," she said as the image of his face in the mirror appeared in her mind.

"Yeah, but I was an experienced veteran by then. I'd fought on the front lines for four years, worked my way up through the ranks, started working in reconnaissance. Revan thought I'd be a good fit for the squad."

"You knew Revan?" she asked quietly.

He shrugged. "No more than any soldier knows their General. Well, other than Bao-Dur, of course," he quipped lightly.

She smiled, glad for the comedic interlude, even at her expense. "But you left," she pointed out. He nodded. "So why tell me all this? Why stick around? Why didn't you ditch me the second we landed?"

"I don't know if I understand it half the time. I guess I just thought that you might understand. You've killed Jedi, too. Different circumstances, but you have a bigger body count than I ever did. Maybe I thought if you knew who I was, you could set a story straight if it needed to be."

"You left because of the vision in that second dream," she pondered the idea aloud.

He nodded. "She showed me the Force and how what I was doing…" his words trailed off and she touched his hand gently. She knew, she understood.

"So I left. I fled with the displaced war veterans, came here and lost myself, until the war came to an end. I wanted no more of Jedi, or Dark Jedi, or the Force. I just wanted to be left alone."

She gripped his hand tightly. She definitely understood that sentiment. His eyes met hers and he tilted his head slightly. "And then I met you on Peragus. And I thought, maybe, maybe she had saved me so that I could help you. And if I can't, then I have to try.

"I didn't want to tell you any of this," he admitted. "But… you saw it for yourself... and I just want you to understand why I'm still here… I can't let you think I was doing it for something other than the past."

"The past is what drives us all, in one way or another," she said softly, her own thoughts flicking back to her dream.

He followed her train of thought instinctively. "When I felt the loss you felt…" he paused, as if trying to search for words. "The only time I've ever felt anything close to that was when I was standing in a crater that had once been my home, knowing that my mother and sister were charred into the soot somewhere."

"I'm sorry Atton, I didn't mean for you to feel that."

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "I'm glad I did. It made me understand a few things.

"Once, a Jedi showed me the Force – I heard it, I felt it. At the time, there was too much pain to confront it – because if I did, it meant I would be changed into something else. Now, I'm not afraid of it anymore. And I think that by learning how to use it – I can help protect you. Or at least buy you some time when disaster comes screaming in."

Alevia smiled at his eagerness. "I'll train you if you're sure that's what you want."

"It is. After your dream…I feel like I've found you for a reason."

"All right, but if we're going to be training together, I insist that you teach me the Echani techniques you know, as well as anything else that might be useful."

"Deal."

"One other thing," she said lightly as she leaned over the table towards him, "I'm not sure I can take any more shared nightmares. Next time try to include me in a nice, steamy dream, will you?"

He grinned rakishly, with a twinkle in his eyes and her heart leapt. "I'll do my best," he said with a wink.

Her eyes met his and she reached out gently with the Force to explore the man behind the eyes. She found herself floating on a current of rich brown affection, that swirled into turbulent eddies at its edges. He didn't resist her mental touch as she slid along the edge of his consciousness, pushing slightly until she felt him give and she tumbled through his tangled aura.

She inhaled sharply, her eyes darting away from his, breaking the trance.

"Fall in love," she mumbled almost inaudibly as her gaze settled somewhere across the room.

"Huh?" he questioned as his eyes chased after hers.

"The craziest thing I've ever done when drunk," she added as her eyes darted back to his then to the ceiling as she threw back another shot.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh really? With who?"

She just smiled as her eyes flicked back to his. "I told you I'm a sappy drunk."

He grinned. "Does that mean it's time to take you back to the ship? Before you start making confessions you won't remember in the morning?"

"I guess that depends on if you want to hear the confessions or not."

He stood and pulled a stack of credits out of his pocket and tossed them on the table. "Come on, let's get you home before I'm obligated to ditch you before breakfast," he said with a wink.

She shook her head. "No, not to the ship. I'm enjoying this… I'm not ready for the others to come crowding back in again just yet."

He leaned on the back of his chair and considered her for a moment, then appearing to make up his mind about something; he nodded once, straightened and held out his hand to her. Wordlessly she stood and took his hand, her eyes searching his face for some idea of where they were going, but found nothing to reveal his destination. He grabbed the almost empty bottle of lum off the table and began to make his way out of the cantina.

They meandered through the streets, turning here and there, but continually moving with purpose toward the refugee sector. He stopped briefly at a merchant and bought some food and a blanket. She grinned at the idea of a picnic, but followed him silently.

When they arrived in the sector, he led her through the cargo containers that were used for housing. The normally bustling sector was quiet at this early hour, only the occasional snore of its residents broke through the stillness of the night. In the far corner of the sector, Atton ducked between one of the containers and the sector wall and pulled her in behind him. The space was tight and just as she was beginning to think he was crazy, they ran into a sealed door in the wall. Actually, it was almost more of an access panel than a door, but either way, Atton had his security tunneler out of his jacket pocket and had the lock jimmied in no time. He winked at her, and ducked under the low doorframe as he slid a foot carefully along the inside of the opening and found a rung. He climbed a few rungs of the ladder and then squatted so his head was level with the door.

He held out a hand to her and with a curious smile she followed him onto the ladder before he resealed the door behind them. They climbed for quite a while, past a couple more of the small doors until they got to the top of the ladder. Above them, a circular hatch blocked their way. Atton wrapped a leg around the side of the ladder and began using both hands and his security tunneler on the lock for the hatch. In a moment, the familiar clicking of a successful pick sounded and the hatch twisted open. He grinned down at her and then unwrapped his leg and climbed out of the long tunnel.

She followed him, and when her head poked out of the hatch, she drew in a sharp breath. They emerged onto the roof of the buildings below and the twinkling of the distant lights in the endless city of the Smuggler's Moon caught her by surprise in its simple beauty. Atton helped her out of the access tunnel and wrapped his arm around her waist as she stood beside him.

"It's beautiful," she said breathlessly as she took in the stunning view.

His eyes drifted across the scenery and landed on her face. "Yeah."

Her gaze flitted to meet his as he lifted his hand to caress her cheek. The intensity of his eyes began to bore into her soul and she shifted almost nervously under his touch. She started to tell him how much she had missed him over the last couple of weeks and how sorry she was that she'd let her fears control her for so long, but before she could utter a single word his lips were pressed to hers.

As their tongues intertwined she reached out to him through the Force and tugged gently at his consciousness. His kiss faltered for a moment as he tried to follow her mental pull, but soon began again with renewed vigor as she wrapped her presence around his and drew him deeper into her aura. He followed her willingly and in that moment their minds merged and the emptiness was filled.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Smut Warning! I have no idea how I'm going to clean this one up enough for KFM… oops…

Also, this one has taken much too long to get out, so once again, I'm foregoing the beta process because even if there are problems with it, I'm tired of looking at it. Anyhow, hopefully you'll enjoy it, and we should be getting close to Dantooine next chapter… whee!

* * *

A cool breeze rolled over Alevia's bare legs and she huddled sleepily under the small piece of leather that covered her shoulders and her torso. She clamped her eyes shut against the encroaching dawn and pulled the make-shift blanket over her head.

"Forty-three hours of continuous night on this fracking moon and I wind up having a hangover at dawn_,_" she mumbled to herself as she called upon the Force to help remove the toxins from her blood and finally cracked her eyes open.

She was lying on the small blanket they had purchased and was positioned in the center of the platform her pilot had brought her to sometime in the previous eight hours, but Atton was no longer with her. She sat up, slightly confused by his absence and realized that the small blanket she had been huddled under was actually his jacket. She pulled it up to her face and buried her nose in the soft coat. She smiled as she breathed in Atton's familiar scent mixed with the smell of the old leather.

She glanced around the platform again and noticed that in addition to the pilot himself, his clothing and boots that had peen piled next to hers were also missing. But, he'd left his jacket and that was a pretty definite promise that he'd be returning soon. She slipped into it and pulled it tight around her waist as she stood and crossed to the edge of the platform.

She gazed out at the moon's rising sun as it tried to break through the many buildings in the distance and the cool breeze grew stronger as the early morning rays warmed the air in the urban canyons. The wind twisted through her loose hair as Alevia sat near the edge of the platform, pulled her knees up to her chest inside Atton's jacket and thought back to the previous evening's events.

The first time she had gone to bed last night she never would have guessed that the man that had accused her of crawling in his head just a week prior would be seeking her out and confessing all of his past sins before the night was over. Of course, he wouldn't have if it hadn't been for that dream and her subsequent exodus from the ship.

Her dream had revived the restless feeling that had been so constant when she'd been in exile. That feeling always awoke in her the need to hunt, to overpower some poor soul, not with weapons, but with her body. There was something highly rewarding about setting your sights on some random stranger, and moving in for "the kill" so to speak. Their reactions to her and her own physical responses to them were one of the few things that had reminded her that she was still alive.

One thing was for sure, she'd never felt so content after a cantina hunt before. That in itself was somewhat disconcerting. In the holovids after a night like the previous one, the dashing young hero would sweep his beautiful conquest up into his arms, take her to his ship and they'd fly off together to live happily ever after, somehow overcoming all obstacles in their path. This was not a holovid, however.

This was the real world. A world where the after effects of her mistakes haunted her every day and the restlessness always came creeping back in. Her only consolation was that Atton was just as broken as she was. Hopefully he would understand.

She heard the soft clanging of feet on the ladder in the access tunnel and she turned toward the hatch just as his masculine hand set a container on the edge of the hole before hauling himself out of the passageway. As his back became visible she smiled. She rarely saw him without his jacket on, she realized, at least not when he was wearing other clothes. His long torso was exaggerated slightly by the low slung holster he wore over his hips. Even through his tunic, she could make out the well defined muscles of his arms and back and his dark pants accented his backside perfectly.

He reached the top of the ladder and turned toward her, catching her intent gaze. She blushed involuntarily and he raised an eyebrow at her in curiosity.

"I don't think I've ever caught anyone checking out my ass the morning after, before."

She grinned as she lowered her head onto her knees slightly embarrassed. "I thought you didn't stick around for the morning after."

"You're right, I don't." He nodded his head as he stooped over and picked up the item he'd set on the edge of the hatch.

"And yet, here you are."

"This isn't the morning after," he said as he settled next to her on the edge of the platform and opened up the container. The rich smell of caffa wafted towards her on the breeze.

Her eyes lit up as he handed her the jug. She took several long gulps and gave a grateful sigh as she handed it back to him. "No? Then what is it?"

"This is the morning after the make up sex, after the two week long argument, after the make up sex, after another argument, after three weeks being stuck on a backwater space station with no privacy, after the morning after a day of some of the best sex of my life."

She could help but chuckle. "You've got a point."

"Yeah," he said dramatically, "I'm afraid what we have here isn't anything like either one of us has ever stepped foot in before. Even as dysfunctional and screwed up as it is I'm afraid we've gone well past fling and straight to "relationship".

She clasped her hand over her mouth muffling a mock cry of distress and he nodded his head. "I know." He took a swig out of the jug of caffa. "It caught me by surprise too. Though, really, we should have suspected it after the last round of make up sex."

She grinned and leaned on his arm. "Relationship, huh?"

"Yeah, I'm afraid so," he said with a sigh, "even though I'm sure neither one of us is actually cut out for one."

"You got that right." She chuckled as she grabbed the jug of caffa back from him and took another long swig.

He glanced at her sideways and she saw a slightly disappointed look slide across his face for an instant, but it was quickly hidden under a lustful grin. "You look good in my jacket," he said as he reached out and teased the bare toes that stuck out from under it.

She let her bare legs drop out of the jacket and wrapped it tightly around her waist again possessively. "Your jacket?"

"Of course it's my jacket."

"You left it here." Her eyes flitted to his, a coy expression on her face.

"Yeah, silly me, thought you might get cold. But I see now I should have just let you freeze."

She giggled. "You want it, come and get it," she challenged him as she hunkered further down into the jacket and threw him a lusty look.

"Now really, Levy," Atton said casually as he let his eyes drift over her legs. "When have I ever had any trouble getting you out of your clothes?"

Her jaw dropped in surprise. "I _was_ going to let you wrestle it off me, but after that little comment, I think I'll just keep it."

"Mmhmm, of course you will." He turned toward her and reclined on his elbow as he ran his fingertips along the inside of her leg. She let out a small appreciative noise and involuntarily loosened her grip on the jacket. "Now, why don't you take that jacket off and let me warm you up the old fashioned way," he crooned as her body responded to his touch.

She let the jacket slip off her shoulders, exposing her chest to the cool air. She'd had the distinct impression that he had every intention of coaxing her out of his coat and then making up some excuse to stop his advances and leave her there aching for him, but by the time her body responded to the cold in addition to his touch, all thoughts between the two of them had reverted to pure instinct. In a moment his tongue was tracing the contours of her body as she arched her back pressing into the lingering trails of hot wetness.

A soft cry escaped her lips as his mouth found increasingly sensitive places and his tongue teased her relentlessly. She bucked violently grinding her hips against him. He answered her demand with a long slow tantalizing caress of her inner thigh. Her eyes snapped open then and before he even knew what hit him, she had reversed their positions.

He was on his back now, Alevia straddling his hips, pinning him to the platform as she tore into his clothing. Once he was sufficiently divested of his garments she began peppering his muscular body with ravenous kisses. Each touch of her lips was accompanied by a fluid caress of his body with hers; her soft full breasts gliding over his chest and stomach and finally his thighs as she teased him with her tongue. When she couldn't stand the building desire anymore she quickly shifted upward and met his lips in a voracious kiss as his hips collided with hers.

Sometime later, their bodies still entwined, each trying to catch their elusive breath, he nuzzled her hair softly and whispered, "Damn, Levy, what the hell was that about?"

"Hell if I know. I think I was… hungry."

His low chuckle tickled her ear. "You can have me for breakfast anytime."

She giggled. "Thanks, flyboy."

"My pleasure."

They lay in silence for quite a while until she finally let out a long sigh. "I guess we'd better head back to the ship. I'm sure they'll be worried."

"I comm'd them while I was out getting the caffa," he reassured her, " though Bao did say you'd received a message from someone at the Exchange. I guess they've finally gotten tired of you undoing all their hard work."

She sat up and pulled her legs up to her chest again. "I wish we could just stay here. This makes sense, up here."

"It can make sense back at the ship, too."

She shook her head. "No. Nothing makes sense there. Everything is jumbled. I can't sort out my own thoughts. It wasn't so bad these last two weeks when I was able to ignore you… but I won't be able to now."

"Can't say I'm sorry about that."

She smiled. "Me either."

"So all that you said last night about loving me and spacing Bao-Dur was just the liquor, huh?"

She jerked her head around and stared at him like he'd grown another head. "I said no such thing."

"Sure you did. You said it between rounds."

She narrowed her eyes and stared hard at him, trying to remember the specific sequence of events so she could disprove his assertion. "We didn't have a second round last night."

"Just because you don't remember it, doesn't mean it didn't happen, babe."

"I wasn't that drunk," she insisted.

Atton shrugged as he started fastening his shirt back up.

"Listen," she said with aggravation, "I don't care how drunk I was, I would never say anything about spacing Bao."

"Ok, maybe that was a paraphrase."

"Of?"

"I think your exact words were, 'Damn it, I don't want Bao, I want you.'"

She blinked. That did sound awfully familiar. She chewed a fingernail absentmindedly as she thought about the conversation. "As I remember it," she began slowly, "you brought him up. Asked me if I thought about him when I was with you."

"So?"

"Well, that has a whole different meaning in that context!"

"Does it? You never did really answer the question."

"Yes, I did! When I'm with you, all I want is you."

"And when you're with him, all you want is him, right?"

She shrugged. "You know, you shouldn't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to."

"I might not wanna know, but not knowing won't make it any easier."

"Yes, when I'm with him, he is all I want."

He sighed. "You're right, I didn't wanna hear that."

"I'm sorry."

"Nah, you're not. If you were, you'd change it. But what do I care? Like I said last night, I'm still here because I think what you're doing is important and I think I can help you. The incredible sex is just a perk of the job, right boss?"

She flinched at his sudden change in demeanor. "Yeah, I guess so." She bit back the words that welled up in her throat – assurances of her affection for him, that he wasn't just another screw. But as much as she might want to say those things, he was right. If she was really sorry, she'd give up Bao-Dur for him or vice versa. And she really couldn't conceive of doing either.

* * *

The hum of sabers and the sharp trill of blaster fire echoed in the cargo hold. Alevia crouched against the port wall observing her two students as they wielded the two lightsabers they had acquired on Nar Shaddaa. They were attempting to deflect blaster fire from the young red head who sat cross-legged on a plasteel cylinder at the front of the room. Occasionally Alevia would jump up and walk behind Atton or Bao-Dur and press lightly on an elbow or hip that had slipped out of the form, but her primary focus was reaching out to them through the Force and augmenting their knowledge with her own. At least these bonds were good for something.

"Mira, start using both blasters now and pick up the pace of the shots," Alevia directed.

"Sure thing."

As the onslaught of blaster fire nearly tripled in intensity Atton and Bao-Dur needed to rely more on the Force to be able to block the bolts, but neither was doing a very good job of letting go of their sight.

"Come on boys," Alevia instructed as Atton cursed when another bolt hit him in the leg, "stop seeing and start perceiving."

Atton flung an irritated glance at her. "I'm perceiving a sharp pain in my thigh right this minute."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "The blaster's on its lowest setting. Don't be such a baby. Back at the temple they had the younglings doing this at the age of four, wearing helmets with the blast visors down. Do you want me to put a blindfold on you?"

"Only if you're using the stun cuffs too, babe," he said with a wink.

Mira paused her firing and scrunched up her face. "Are they always like this?" she asked Bao-Dur.

He nodded morosely. "Always. Except when they're not speaking to each other, of course."

"Wow, that sounds like a match made on Ryloth."

Alevia gave them all a patronizing smile. "Children, focus."

"Children, General? I'm not any younger than you."

She sighed. This wasn't going well. She had only taught younglings at the enclave on Dantooine during her apprenticeship. She wasn't in the least prepared to train two adult men with their own well established fighting styles. Especially not considering the emotional attachment she had to both of them.

"Sorry, Bao," she said as she rubbed her face in frustration. "What is it that you want to get out of being a Jedi?"

"I want to be able to help you, General."

She shook her head. "No, I mean… what kind of things do you foresee yourself being able to do?"

"Well, I'd like to be a better fighter, though I'm not really sure I'm comfortable with this," he answered as he waved the lightsaber he was holding through the air. "Since the war, I've gotten pretty good at using my arm as a weapon. I think I might be better suited to learn more hand to hand combat."

Alevia nodded with a thoughtful look on her face. "How about you, Atton?"

"Eh, I'm not sure. I've always been a blaster man, myself… but I kinda like the way this feels."

She nodded again. "All right, I'll make you both a deal. As soon as you can manage this little exercise for five minutes, without being hit, we'll start focusing in on the things you want to learn. Sound good?" They nodded. "Okay, let's try this again, shall we? And this time, I do want eyes closed."

Once Atton and Bao-Dur had reignited their sabers, Alevia nodded at the younger woman, and the two students were being barraged in blaster fire again. This time, with their eyes closed and Alevia's mental nudges they began to trust the subtle tingling of precognition and Force sight.

"Excellent!" Alevia declared as she clapped her hands together. "I think you've finally got it, boys."

The two stood panting in the middle of the cargo hold as Mira slid off the cylinder. "Well, if that's all you need from me, I think I'll go see about some lunch."

"Sure, Mira, thanks," Alevia smiled at the younger woman slightly.

"No problem, Allie. Anytime you want me to shoot at these poor saps, I'm happy to."

Alevia's smile broke into a grin as the redhead left the room. She liked this girl, which was unusual since Alevia generally only barely tolerated females, especially non-Jedi females, in general. She had been more than a little annoyed when she had returned from Goto's yacht only to find the person who had drugged her and complicated the meeting with The Exchange had apparently taken up residence in her main hold. But, since Mira had helped Atton and Bao-Dur find Goto's yacht and rescue her she'd proved herself to be useful and Alevia couldn't think of a compelling reason to forcibly remove her.

In the two days since they'd left Nar Shaddaa Alevia had come to realize that Mira was a nice addition to the crew. She had been a little hostile at first, but once they were on their way to Dantooine it hadn't taken long for the boredom that accompanied hyperspace travel to kick in and the two women found themselves passing the time talking about all sorts of things; from the Mandalorian war, to Nar Shaddaa, to men and their general short sightedness when it came to women.

The best thing about having her on board was that somehow her lively temperament had helped fill in some of the rifts on the ship. It was probably just her restlessness, but she had already managed to cross the invisible boundaries that existed. Alevia had caught her in the cockpit a couple of times playing pazaak with Atton and in the garage a time or two watching Bao-Dur or working on her own blasters. She had also had no hesitation in claiming the bunk next to Alevia's as her own.

That had thrown Alevia at first. Atton and Bao had never even suggested that they thought they should sleep in the dorms and she had begun to think of it as her own room. When Mira moved in she thought about re-directing the younger woman to the port dorm to aggravate Kreia, but she decided pretty quickly that they'd all be better off if Kreia had few as disturbances as possible.

Alevia turned her attention back to the men who were beginning to catch their breath. "You two are doing pretty well. Go get some lunch and we'll see about individual lessons afterward." They gave each other an awkward glance as they lowered their sabers, but neither of them headed for the door.

"Hey General, you should eat too."

She shook her head. "I missed my meditation with Kreia this morning. That was a mistake I think."

Atton snorted. "I don't know why you listen to that old witch as much as you do, Levy."

"She has a lot to teach and I still have a lot to learn… and re-learn."

"Whatever, just… be careful. You know she's using you."

Alevia nodded slowly as she turned toward the door. "But what she's using me for… I haven't figured out yet."


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: It has occured to me that this story is turning into one long conversation... oops... I'll try to add some action to the next chapter and go a little lighter on the talkie-talkie. :)

* * *

Alevia settled to the floor across from the older woman and slipped quietly into her meditation pose. In the three weeks that had passed since she had first joined Kreia here, the pose had become familiar again and almost instantly granted her a degree of rest and introspection.

Alevia eased into her meditation and tried to clear her mind of the constant clutter of thought and just listen. The Force welcomed her with a swirling eagerness and enveloped her.

Eventually Kreia's regal voice broke the silence. "Have you come with questions?"

"Yes, I wanted to discuss some of the things Master Zez-Kai Ell said."

"Very well, what did he say?"

Alevia paused briefly, trying to sort her thoughts. "He said that he decided to leave the Order when they exiled me."

"Odd," the older woman replied, "considering he did not leave the Order until after the Jedi Civil War."

"I thought so as well, but he did seem to be truly sorry for what The Council did to me."

"I see. And what makes you believe his words?"

Alevia looked up at the older woman, surprised at her implication. "He was not lying. I'm sure of that. But something about it all doesn't quite make sense. He blamed The Council for Revan's fall."

"Very interesting indeed. And did he say just what they had done to cause it?"

"I think he blamed their arrogance more than anything – their unending belief that they are always right and made no mistakes. He also said that Revan had no choice in his redemption. What do you suppose he meant by that?"

"The arrogance of the council is truly astounding. They captured Revan and wiped his memory once, but if they believe that they could erase the essence of who he is, they are nothing but fools."

Alevia chased her own thoughts for a moment. The mention of Revan's name always made his face clear in her mind. She remembered the way he looked at her when she entered his quarters at his summons after the Dxun campaign. Her robes were still wet and her body smudged with mud, but he had given orders for her to report to him immediately after boarding the cruiser and she had without question.

_He stood behind his desk and just stared at her when she saluted him. She shifted awkwardly under his perceptive gaze, knowing that he was seeing more than just the surface. _

"_Reporting as requested, Sir," she barked, hoping to disrupt his inspection of her._

"_Allie, you look like scrag," he said with a chuckle. "You should have gone to your quarters and cleaned yourself up first, my dear."_

_She shifted nervously. The last week or so of the campaign she had caught Revan studying her several times. It had been as though he'd seen her for the first time there on the moon and his treatment of her had shifted from one of commander to…no, not friend, prospective buyer was closer. _

_He crossed the room to a small panel on the wall and pressed a button. Part of the wall slid out of the way revealing a small counter with a sink. He grabbed a towel, wet it and walked back towards her. __He stopped in front of her and held her chin in his hand as he began wiping the mud from her forehead. She froze, uncomfortable with his touch but unable to protest. When he got to her hairline and found traces of blood mixed with the mud flecked in her hair, he threw his hands up in protest. _

"_I need to speak to you, Allie, but I can't concentrate when all I can see is mud."_

"_I'll go clean up then, Sir, and report back when I'm done."_

"_No need. Use my 'fresher," he said as he crossed back over to the wall and hit another button on the panel. Another portion of the wall opened and a luxurious 'fresher appeared. "These used to be Diplomatic Quarters," he explained as her eyes widened at the opulence of the small room._

_She took a few steps toward the open door before she paused. "I don't have any clean clothes."_

"_I found some robes on Dxun that I think will fit you nicely, I'll get them for you while you clean up."_

"_Found robes on Dxun?" She raised an eyebrow in surprise. _

"_Yes, Allie, I found them in some ruins, but they're in good shape and quite unique. Too small for me, though. Now, go get cleaned up." He pressed his hand into the small of her back and pushed her toward the door. His touch made her jump slightly as she quickened her pace and sealed herself in the 'fresher._

_The shower was the most luxurious thing she had ever had the privilege to enjoy. She fought off a twinge of guilt as she thought about her soldiers who were probably making use of the communal showers now, with their low water flow and never enough hot water, and plunged her head under the invigorating spray, steam clouds billowing up around her._

_Due to the constant rain on Dxun she hadn't been dry in weeks and she had sworn to herself that if she never saw water again, she would have been thrilled. But now, with the warm soapy water washing away the mud, grime and blood of their campaign, she reveled in the tingling sensation of the high pressure water jets on her body. _

_When she finally exited the shower, an unfamiliar restlessness had crept over her. The last few weeks on the moon she had been running at a constant grueling pace and her mind hadn't had time to register all of the horrors of war. As she dried herself off, images started filtering in. Dead soldiers, dead Mandalorians and dead Jedi all haunted her suddenly. She shuddered as she wrapped the oversized towel around her and stepped out of the 'fresher._

_Revan looked up from his desk at her and his eyes brightened. Something in his expression made her suddenly self conscious about her lack of clothing. She chided herself mentally for her nervousness. Since she had joined the war effort, she done all of her washing in the communal showers, with soldiers of all ranks leering at her. She had brushed them off without a second thought, but this was a fellow Jedi. He wasn't supposed to be looking at her like this._

_She gulped as he crossed the room toward her quickly. His expression changed to one of amusement as he stopped just in front of her and pulled the robes out of a compartment in the wall and handed them to her. She sighed audibly in relief and he chuckled._

"_You're a beautiful girl, Allie."_

_She shook her head. "No, Sir, I am a Jedi."_

_His chuckle broke into a grin. "Are any of us really Jedi anymore now that we've disobeyed the council?"_

"_I'd like to think so, Sir."_

_He reached out and ran his fingertips over her bare shoulder and up her neck lightly. "Tell me about yourself, Allie. So many years at the Enclave together and I feel like I hardly know you."_

"_You know what there is to know, Sir," she said forcing herself to not flinch under his touch._

"_I know you're a talented Jedi with a propensity towards forming bonds, even with those she shouldn't, and that you were always causing the Masters headaches."_

_She nodded. "That's correct."_

"_But what about you?"_

"_What about me, Sir?"_

_He laughed as he gave up and settled into a nearby chair, gazing up at her._

"_Who are you, Allie?"_

"_I am Alevia, Jedi Guardian."_

_Revan shook his head. "When I look at you through the Force, I don't see you. I see…others."_

_She nodded. "Yes, Sir."_

"_A product of your bonds, then?"_

"_I suppose so, Sir."_

_He let out a sound of exasperation. "Force, Allie, three months of living with soliders and you sound like you've been in the military since birth. Quit calling me Sir, my name is Revan."_

"_And mine is Alevia."_

_He grinned, "Of course it is, Allie."_

"_If I may go get dressed, Sir," she said a grin creeping into her eyes and gesturing with the folded robes he had given her. _

"_No, you may not go until you call me Revan." She shrugged, dropped her towel and began to pull on the undergarments from the stack of clothes. He watched her pointedly as she dressed. "For someone who doesn't know who she is, you certainly have a strong will."_

_She grinned. "That's Master Kavar's will, not mine."_

"_Is it? Now, how in the galaxy am I supposed to seduce you when you're using Master Kavar's iron will?"_

"_You're not, Sir," she responded, but a twinkle had crept into her eyes and he saw it and took her hand in his._

"_Let's find you a different will for this evening," he said as his strong hand massaged her palm gently sending electric tingling through her arm and into her chest. "Who else have you got tucked in there with you? Any women?"_

_She blushed slightly. "Not really, Sir."_

_He raised an eyebrow at her. "Ah, I see now."_

'_What?" she asked suspiciously._

"_Who needs physical intimacy when you carry all your lovers around in your head?"_

_Her eyes grew large at his suggestion and she yanked her hand away from his and crossed her arms over her chest. "Lovers?" she demanded._

_He nodded. "Yes, I think so."_

_She scoffed. "You've got to be kidding me."_

"_Well, Allie, we could perform a little experiment and see what happens when you have a real lover." His eyes twinkled merrily as she glared at him coldly._

"_If we're through here, Sir, may I be dismissed?"_

"_No, have a seat," he said as he gestured to the chair across from him. She sat as instructed but on the edge of her seat, ready to bolt if need be. "What is your impression of the war effort so far?"_

"_Honestly sir? Dxun was a bloody, awful mess. I wasn't expecting the Mandalorians to be so… brutal…"_

"_They've destroyed colonies of civilians, including women and children and you didn't expect them to be brutal?"_

_She sighed. "To us, war has a purpose. Something we're fighting for. As far as I can tell they just fight to fight. I don't understand that, sir."_

_He nodded. "It's something we're going to have to understand if we're going to beat them."_

"_I hope I never do."_

"_Well, that's the thing, Allie. With your particular abilities, you are our best hope for understanding them."_

_Her eyes darted to his, startled by his suggestion. "The bonds don't work that way, Sir. They are Force bonds. They only form with willing Force sensitives."_

"_Well, if you would, I'd like it if you could start visiting the cell blocks and making friends with the prisoners you find there, see what happens."_

"_Yes, sir," she said without vocal argument, but her whole body had gone stiff in protest._

"_You don't like that idea?"_

"_No, Sir."_

"_Anything we can do to shorten this war is worthwhile, don't you think?"_

_She sighed. "Yes, it would be."_

"_Good, then we're agreed. Go visit them, take them treats, be nice to them, get to know everything you can about them."_

"_Yes, sir. Is that all, sir?" _

_He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and pressing the tips of his fingers together. "I must say, I am intrigued by you, Allie."_

"_Why's that, Sir?"_

"_You are a puzzle that doesn't make sense, and I have this desire to understand you, take you apart and put you back together again, know you inside and out."_

_She gulped again. "The easiest way to do that, Sir, is with a bond."_

"_Can you form one with me?"_

_She shrugged. "I've never tried to form one purposefully, Sir, they just happen."_

"_And when do they, 'just happen'?"_

"_Generally after I've worked with someone for an extended period of time."_

"_Hmm, we don't have time for that." He clucked thoughtfully as he inspected her further. "Meditate with me," he commanded as he stood and held out a hand to her. Tentatively she reached out and took it. _

"Ah, now I see," Kreia's gravelly voice interrupted Alevia's thoughts.

"What is it you see?" the younger woman asked irritably, wondering just how much of her reverie Kreia had seen.

"I see why Revan is always close to the surface of your thoughts."

"Is he?"

"Yes, strange that you have not noticed before." Kreia's sarcastic tone grated on the younger woman's nerves.

"Everything changed with Revan."

"Yes, I see that. Very curious, indeed. But then again, perhaps nothing changed, and you merely became more of yourself."

"No!" Alevia argued angrily. "I lost myself with Revan, you can see that clearly if you're paying attention."

"Can I?" Kreia's shrewd voice echoed in the small room. "What I see is a girl who was never willing to embrace what she was, before or after Revan."

"And what am I?" The younger woman's anger boiled beneath the surface.

"Ah, finally, you are asking the right question. When you become willing to accept the truth, the answer will become obvious for both of us. Until then, I know no more than you."

Alevia grunted in frustration as she rose and wordlessly left the room.

* * *

The remote's friendly chirruping welcomed Alevia as she slipped into the garage and sidled up to her mechanic as he worked on a spare set of power couplings.

"Hey, General," he greeted her warmly as she perched herself on the right hand side of the workbench. "How did your meditation with Kreia go?"

Alevia grimaced as she sighed.

"That bad, huh?" He chuckled as he looked up from his work.

"Yeah, I go in trying to learn and all she does it twist me up and confuse me more."

"How's that, General?"

"We started talking about Revan," she admitted with another sigh.

"Ah," he said with a chuckle as he patted her knee. "That particular subject always did twist you up and confuse you."

"Exactly! You knew me before Revan, you know how much he changed me."

Bao studied her face for a moment. "I know how much you seemed to change in those first few months of the war, but I'm not sure how much of it he was responsible for, nor how much of it was real change."

Alevia frowned again. "Maybe Atton was right, maybe I need to stop listening to the old hag so much."

"There's no harm in listening as long as you take it for what it is."

"And what is that?"

"A puzzle, General. A mental game. Meditate on it, understand it, but never believe it."

She nodded slowly and a smile trickled into her lips. "How did I ever survive without you, Bao?"

His smile reflected hers. "Lots of booze and men, I believe, General."

She grinned as she leaned closer to him. "The booze let me pretend the men were almost as good as you."

"You always did have an overactive imagination, General."

Her lips brushed his as his right hand slid around her waist, pulling her off the workbench and pressing her against him. Their kiss deepened as one of her hands slid under his shirt and the other cradled the back of his head.

"Oh Sith Spit," Mira's startled voice rang out from the garage door, "I did not need to see that."

The kiss ended as Alevia broke into a giggle and glanced at the redhead, but did not move away from her mechanic. "Did you need something, Mira?"

The younger woman just stared at the two of them for a moment then finally responded to the question, "Nope, sorry, just… umm…" Suddenly Mira stepped backward through the door and closed it again.

Alevia let out a chuckle as she tightened her arms around Bao-Dur and purred, "Now, where were we?"

* * *

When Alevia finally staggered to her own bunk some hours later, she found she was being accosted by Mira's penetrating stare. Alevia tried to ignore it by pulling her blanket up around her ears and trying to sleep, but it didn't take long for her to finally open her eyes with a sigh, sit up and meet the younger woman's gaze.

Mira had her legs pulled up to her chest and was leaning against the wall of her bunk studying the older woman. "So… I knew you and Atton had a thing going…" Mira began hesitantly.

Alevia's amused grin lit up her face as she waited for the younger woman to finish her question.

"I mean, that much was obvious, but… Bao-Dur, too?" Her voice rose to an incredulous pitch. "What kind of Jedi are you?"

"Not much of one, really," Alevia said with a chuckle. "Never have been."

"Well, you have to be pretty damn powerful to have managed to keep those two from killing each other."

"I don't' know about that. I've known Bao a very long time. We were… _close_ during the war. Atton and I had already hooked up when Bao joined us. It's been… interesting… ever since, to say the least."

Mira scoffed. "I'll bet."

"They don't seem too hell bent on killing each other, for the most part. At least not yet."

"Let's just hope neither of them falls to the darkside," Mira said dryly, "that wouldn't be pretty."

Alevia couldn't help but laugh at the thought. "I'll feel bad if you get caught in the crossfire on that one, but just remember, it was you who decided to join this little adventure. No one twisted your arm."

"Right. I'm beginning to think maybe it wasn't such a great idea." Mira said with a chuckle. "Though really, I'm just glad you're not into girls."

Alevia let a sultry look slide over her face and decided to tease the younger woman. "Who says I'm not?"

Mira laughed. "I have a feeling that if you were, you'd have already managed to take me to your bunk, regardless of what my preferences are."

Alevia's lips twitched into a grin as she collapsed back onto her bunk. "I tried a few women during my exile. They're more trouble than they're worth though – emotional, needy creatures who just aren't hungry enough."

"Hungry?"

She flipped on her side and pondered the question a moment before she continued. "Most guys, it doesn't take long going without before they start getting a little desperate. There's a need, a hunger. I like that."

"Okay, I think that's about as much as I want to hear," Mira said with a disturbed expression on her face.

Alevia chuckled. "Thank the Force, I can finally get some sleep. Bao wore me out."

"Ugh, good night!" Mira flipped onto her side and stared at the wall of her bunk.

Alevia's chuckle transitioned into a sleepy yawn. "G'nite Mira."

* * *

Alevia ran her hand along the wall of the ruined enclave as memories of her time here flooded in. She had spent her youngling years at the temple on Coruscant, but once Master Narev had taken her as his padawan, she moved here and they lived at the Enclave when they weren't out on the routine missions that were a constant part of Jedi life.

These hallways were so familiar to her. She had been thirteen when Master Narev had taken her as his apprentice – almost too old to be chosen. She had been afraid that she wouldn't be – that her bonds would prevent anyone from wanting to take her on and the complications that came with them. Narev had been a good master though. He had protected her from the council's further interference in her bonds and helped her learn from them and how to use them to heighten her skills.

Here she had found her place as a Jedi and found stability for the first time in her life. And the crumbling walls made her heart ache. This place had resounded with life and energy the last time she had been here, but now, the faint pall of death hung in the air. Even the plants and trees in the garden had died rather than living and reclaiming the Enclave.

"You okay, Allie?" Mira asked from behind her.

Alevia nodded slowly. "Yeah, just remembering."

"Well, don't get too lost in those memories, babe," Atton reminded her, "I'm sure there's more of those laigreks in here."

She glanced back over her shoulder at him and smiled. "Right over there," she said as she pointed to a low wall that had once contained a garden, "I fell and got that scar that's on the back of my knee."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "No scar-free Jedi healing for you?"

She shook her head as her face lit up with nostalgia. "Jeke and I were dueling after the padawan curfew, we didn't want the masters to find out, so we did our best to heal it ourselves."

"_Dueling_, huh?" Atton snorted.

"Yes."

"Didn't realize that's what kids called it back then."

"Believe it or not, Atton, before I left for the war, I followed the rules."

"Except for sneaking out for midnight dueling sessions with other padawan."

A slightly guilty, yet mostly pleased grin spread across her face. "Yes, except for that."

"And except for all those moonlit walks along the river bank with your _dueling_ partner."

She snapped her head around and stared at him. "What, how did you..?"

His grin was wide enough for her to know instantly that he had just been guessing. "And let me guess, you developed a bond with that poor kid, too."

"Am I that transparent?"

Mira snorted this time. "I've known you less than a week, and I figured it out."

"Face it, Levy, you might not have been jumping them way back then, but you still worked the same way."

She paused in the hallway, a frown creased her brow. "Is it wrong for a thirteen year old girl to have male friends?"

Atton shook his head. "No, it's wrong for a thirteen year old girl to have male friends that she treats like lovers but never gets busy with."

"Lovers? We were Jedi."

"So? You think that stops teenage boys from relieving their natural urges?"

"I guess I always thought so, yes."

Mira sighed. "Force, Allie, for someone who's as experienced as you are, you sure are naïve."

The trio turned the corner and another group of laigreks came into view and started to swarm. In a flash Alevia and Atton ignited their lightsabers and began carving into the vicious beasts as Mira stood behind them, blasting away from a distance. Alevia was beginning to get used to her new 'saber and she enjoyed the feeling of energy and power the crystals within the hilt emanated.

She thrust her saber towards the closest beast as she twirled lightly in place, slicing through the laigrek's front pincers. The beast tried to lunge at her ankles but she jumped upward and then flipped, bringing her saber down in the middle of the laigrek's back, killing it.

She turned toward where Atton was fighting and became enraptured by his fighting style. It was a mixture of the Echani hand to hand combat, the lightsaber forms she had taught him and something entirely his own. He wielded his 'saber with a practiced grace that was surprising for one so new to the weapon and it occurred to her that it was probably time to start really challenging him on his dueling exercises rather than just teaching him the basics.

After he'd finally made the killing blow he turned towards her. "You could've helped me there, ya know."

She smiled. "I was helping. I was watching you and trying to figure out what to teach you next."

He rolled his eyes and extinguished his saber. "Thanks, _master_."

"Anytime, Padawan Rand," she replied with a grin as she pressed the control panel for the nearest door. This was the archive, if she remembered correctly, and she had a faint hope that they might find something more about her past in these abandoned files.

The door slid open and she became startled as a human face appeared. She hadn't been aware of another presence in the ruins with them, but what was most surprising was the intense wave of emotion that rolled off the man the instant their eyes met.

"_Via_," she heard echo through her mind as the man caught his breath and bowed suddenly in an awkward gesture that she sensed was primarily about giving him a moment to collect himself before their eyes met again.


	11. Chapter 11

"Who are you?" she demanded as he stood straight again, all traces of the emotions that had been there just a moment before gone.

He began to give her some spiel about working for the Republic and trying to find the Jedi Masters but she shook her head.

"No, I mean… how do you know my name?"

He paused and looked at her. "You are the Jedi Exile, are you not?"

"Yes, but that's not…" she sucked in a breath in frustration. "You called me Via."

He stared at her warily. "I did not say your name, Mistress Jedi."

Mira piped up, "I didn't hear him say it either, Allie. Maybe you were hearing things."

Alevia examined him for a moment. There was something entirely too familiar in his features. At first she thought that perhaps it was just that the way he carried himself was reminiscent of the way the Masters always had, but after a moment she realized it was something more.

His presence was more than physical. It was solidly palpable in the Force as well. This man had been trained in the ways of the Force once, but in spite of his stance and presence, she knew that his command of the Force now was minimal. She narrowed her eyes and the familiarity materialized into a flickering knowledge for a brief second before the memory flitted away from her and disappeared again.

"I know you."

The man shook his head in disagreement. "I imagine in your travels you have seen many people. Faces start to blur together after a time."

"What is your name?" she asked trying to glean some detail that would make her memories fall into place.

He shifted restlessly, as if trying to decide how best to answer her question. "Just call me Disciple."

"Disciple?" Atton demanded incredulously. "What the hell kind of name is that?"

The young man's attention diverted to the dark headed man standing behind Alevia for the first time and he studied him momentarily, glancing with a small scowl at the lightsaber that sat in the scoundrel's hand. "It is not a name, obviously. I gave up my name a long time ago and it is a story best saved for another time."

Alevia sighed. It was obvious that the young man was hiding something, but she decided there was no use in pushing the issue. "Alright, I guess if you don't want to tell us anything I'll just see what I can get out of the archives." She slid past the young man and began to use one of the consoles behind him, but was soon frustrated with its lack of available data.

"Most of the archives have been destroyed, or moved," the disciple offered quietly as he crossed the room and stood by Alevia's shoulder. "Unfortunately anything related to you seems to have been systematically wiped out."

"You've already looked?" Atton asked as he leaned against the console his knee brushing possessively against Alevia's leg.

"Naturally," the blond man replied coolly, "I am an historian, and when I heard of the Exile's return to the Republic, I was intrigued with her story."

Alevia crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair in frustration. She glanced up at her pilot and noticed the scowl on his face. She patted Atton on the knee reassuringly before turning her attention to the younger man.

"Well, I guess that just leaves the question of Master Vrook's whereabouts then. Any chance you know anything about that?"

"I found this datapad on some lightsaber burned corpses that were in here when I first arrived, but I wasn't sure of the location of the cave it spoke of."

She studied the datapad he handed her. "I think I know the cave. Even if that's not the right one, the crystals are worth the trip." She stood and began to head towards the door. "Well, it looks like we're done here."

"Before you go," the younger man cut in almost urgently, "I had a question for you." Alevia turned toward him again and nodded, giving him permission to ask. "You came to Dantooine in search of Jedi. Why?"

She shrugged. "Lots of reasons. The main one being that I have no idea why the Sith began hunting me. Until I understand why, or they have been defeated, it isn't safe for me to stay in any one place very long. I'm afraid that the Jedi Masters are the key to understanding why and I'm going to need their help to stop the Sith either way."

"It is strange that if the Sith are on the move that the Jedi would not be there to meet them. But in any case, it seems to me like our goals are compatible. If you would have me, I can apply my knowledge and skills to helping you find the answers you seek."

"Look, we're already full up," Atton cut in rudely. "We don't need anyone else. We travel light."

Mira was a little less rude in her hesitancy to take another person on board and merely leaned toward Alevia and whispered, "Are you sure you want to take this guy with us? I mean, he's easy on the eyes, but he talks like a roomful of Jedi."

Alevia considered him a moment. Something about him was so familiar and yet not at the same time. She was sure she had met him before and pretty sure it had been here in the Enclave, but for some reason he was unwilling to admit it to her. She had to admit, she was intrigued. Slowly she nodded.

"I'm sure your skills would be an asset."

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me!" Atton's deep voice echoed in the large room.

"Atton, we need all the help we can get. You know that."

"I'll tell you what I know, I know that if you bring another…" his voice faded as Alevia crossed her arms over her chest and slowly turned her body towards him with a raised eyebrow.

"Go on, I want to hear this."

"Damn it, Levy." Atton growled as his eyes darted from her to the newcomer.

"Perhaps my offer to accompany you on your journey was…" the disciple started but Alevia shook her head as she looked over her shoulder at the younger man.

"No, we'd love you have you. I just ask that you please excuse Atton's rudeness. He's a little over protective of me, but he's been by my side since I woke up on Peragus and has been a tremendous asset." Her eyes drifted to her pilot's again. "I really don't know what I'd do without him."

Atton's features softened slightly as their gazes intermingled. _Kiss me. _She pushed the thought across their bond, hoping he might hear her and when his eyebrows raised in surprise at her command she pushed the thought again. _Kiss me, now, long and hard, like you really mean it. _He crossed to her in a few long steps and had her wrapped in his arms in a second. It became obvious that he had heard her directions as his kiss enveloped her.

Since their night on Nar Shaddaa, she had only visited him once in the cockpit and that day she had come and gone like a wandering spirit, waking him, making love to him in his half asleep state and leaving before he'd even fully awoken. She had seen a question in his eyes when they had been practicing lightsaber forms the next day, but she hadn't known the answer. She recalled the memories vividly, but when she awoke in her own bed hours later, she couldn't be sure if it had been real or just another shared dream.

"Okay you two," Mira's sharp protest cut through the kiss like a lightsaber through nerf hide. "The new kid and I do _not_ need to see that."

Their kiss was broken, but their foreheads still pressed together. _I've missed you._

_I didn't realize the cockpit was that hard to find._

She chuckled at his thought. _It is, sometimes…_

_So why the display for the new kid?_

_I don't get involved with Jedi and this kid has Jedi written all over him. _

_Um, babe, maybe you hadn't noticed, but you're training me to be a Jedi…_

She poked him in the abdomen playfully as thought back to him. _Well you weren't a Jedi when we started this and anyhow, this kid has you out-Jedi'ed by a few parsecs._

_So, why the kiss?_

_Just a little preemptive strike to keep him from getting ideas. That and the fact that your little display of jealousy was sexy as hell…_

"Don't we have a Jedi Master to find?" Mira quipped, interrupting the lingering thought.

Alevia let go of Atton and turned toward the disciple again whose bewildered stare made her grin as a blush crept across her face. "Sorry about that. He's just so damn cute when he gets angry."

"I see," said the younger man. "I… I suppose that during your time in exile quite a lot of the Jedi traditions were lost to you, no doubt."

"Yes, no doubt." She said meeting his gaze and then sweeping suddenly toward the door. "Let's go find that cave, shall we?"

When they approached the exit of the Enclave, someone was waiting for them. Alevia recognized their apparent leader as the man who had berated her in Khoonda for no apparent reason. Apparently he had been waiting for a better time to ambush her. He had brought five men with him, but she could tell by the look on his face that he hadn't been expecting her to have picked up a fourth down here.

Alevia paused at a distance and let the dark skinned man begin his speech. As he spoke she wondered briefly what it was that made so many opponents deliver such eloquent speeches of their strength and virtual immortality just before being run through with a lightsaber.

"I don't suppose you'd like to negotiate a peaceful resolution to this situation?" she asked with a sigh as she pulled her saber off her belt.

"Negotiations are not possible. A deal has been made with anxious people. People you do not cross."

She shrugged. "So between the options of dying now and dying later, you'd rather die now? Fine by me."

She leapt across the room and taking the leader by surprise stabbed her saber at his chest. His reflexes were fast enough that he managed to knock her blade off course, but as the blue blade pierced the man's shoulder, he let out a horrific scream of pain. By the time Alevia had withdrawn her saber and began the killing slice at his torso, the other men had been engaged by her companions.

With their leader on the floor, she turned toward the closest one and began pummeling him with a series of fast saber strokes designed to throw the opponent off balance. He was able to parry the first two, but when the third came at an even quicker pace, the Nikto stumbled backwards and toppled to the ground. Alevia jumped once and swung her lightsaber downward as she landed beside her opponent and thrust the blade through his chest. She spun to take in the rest of the battle and was pleased to see that her companions had easily dispatched of two of the men and were currently hammering away at the remaining two.

As Alevia dashed toward the disciple's opponent she took a brief moment to observe his fighting style. If she had had any doubts before of his Jedi training, they were all gone now. His reflexes were quicker than they should have been and he also was using the Soresu lightsaber form. She saw him transition to the Shii-Cho form as his vibroblade sliced through the bounty hunter's torso.

As the man slid to the floor a few seconds after Atton's opponent had found a similar repose, Alevia let out a long sigh.

"Everyone all right?" They all nodded and gave small grunts of agreement as they nursed what minor injuries they had incurred. "Good, let's get moving then. It's getting late and if were going to make that cave before nightfall we'd better move quickly."

Mira frowned. "I'm just about out of darts, and my blasters need a charge. I'll be no use if we get into another fight out there."

"It would seem that another fight is inevitable," the disciple offered as he sheathed his vibroblade. "Whoever has taken Master Vrook must have significant fire power at their disposal."

Alevia pursed her lips in thought. "The cave is at least a three hour hike from here, but Khoonda is on the way, so we can stop by the ship and stock up. We should move quickly though. We haven't got much daylight."

"Perhaps we should set off at first light tomorrow morning, Via," the younger man suggested hesitantly.

"We have no idea what kind of danger Master Vrook is in. He needs our help."

"I agree with the new kid on this one," Atton said with a slight scowl thrown toward the blond man. "If this Jedi guy is dead, there's not much point in leaving tonight, and if he's alive, they're keeping him alive for the bounty and he'll be fine until morning."

Alevia let her gaze flick between her companions and they all seemed quite convinced. She shrugged as she turned toward the Enclave's exit. "Fine, we'll rest tonight and set out at dawn."

* * *

The steady sound of rushing water filled Alevia's ears as she walked along the stream bank, lost in the memories of her youth. The moonlight reflected off the water and cast a cool glow on the lightly treed grasslands that surrounded her. She had walked this bank many times with several of her closest friends. It had been one of her favorite places to escape from the rigidity of the Enclave and get to know a new friend. But had they been friends or, as Atton and Mira had insisted earlier in the day, lovers?

She found her favorite spot on the stream – an outcropping of rock that jutted out in the middle of a steep bank and made a perfect hideaway from the rest of the plain – and sat. She thought back to the boys that had accompanied her to this spot in her youth, the memories of their faces were as vivid to her now as they had been then. A couple of them had died during the Mandalorian wars, others had stayed behind and likely died during the civil war. Even if they hadn't died, they had been ripped from her along with everyone else on Malachor. They were as good as dead, and she had grieved their absence many times over during her exile.

She lowered her chin to her knees and stared at the flowing water with a hypnotic gaze as she thought. Slowly she became aware of another presence nearby. "Come join me, Disciple," she invited to the young man lurking in the shadows.

His head poked around the bend in the river and their eyes met. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you."

She smiled at his hesitancy. "You followed me out here, but you didn't mean to disturb me?" she teased.

"No," he tried to explain with a shake of his head, "I came here to think. This was always one of my favorite spots here."

"Aahh, so you were at the Enclave, then?"

He looked a little sheepish as he clambered onto the rock and sat. "Yes, I was."

"And I knew you then?"

"You are correct. I am afraid I have not been entirely open with you concerning my past. I was one of the few younglings brought here to Dantooine to train. But I was not chosen by a master when I came of age, however."

She frowned at him. "My master chose me the day before my fourteenth birthday. Just barely made it. I'm sorry."

He looked thoughtfully at the water. "It was of little consequence by then. The Master I wanted had left for the Mandalorian wars and I would not have another."

She chuckled. "A padawan choosing their master? That's a new one."

He smiled quietly. "I suppose so. But regardless, no one else picked me either."

"So when did I meet you?"

"There was a time when you helped Master Vrook with his classes. I was one of the students."

She looked at him again and turned her head at an angle as she took him in. "Now I remember you. You were the earnest child with the ancient soul."

He chuckled. "Yes, some described me that way."

She narrowed her eyes at him as she tried to remember something. "What is your name, though?"

He grinned mischievously as he tucked his head and tried to hide his expression in the shadows. "Well, as I gave the name up some time ago, that is a puzzle you'll have to work out for yourself, Mistress Via."

She shot him a playful glare. "I will. I'll remember eventually, you can be sure of that."

"Oh, I'm counting on it."

Her soft laugh bounced off the water and filled the air around them. "I'd forgotten how much I love this planet," she said quietly. "The peacefulness here, even after the Enclave was destroyed, it is unlike any other place I've ever been."

"I think it is the echoes of the Jedi that used to live here," he said thoughtfully. "The peace of the Jedi is a tangible thing. It does not dissipate so easily."

"Such wisdom, young one," she teased him.

He smiled warmly. "If it is wisdom, then it should be rightfully attributed. Those were your words. You taught us the ways of the Force, how to hear it sing within others, within the life around Dantooine." His hands reached absent mindedly for a twig lying on the rock next to him as he reveled in his memories.

"It is difficult to explain the difference between the way you and Master Vrook taught us, but I think it is because he was knowledgeable, but not a leader, not a mentor. You were different. We could all feel it."

"Well, being different didn't do me much good in the long run, did it?" she offered flippantly as she turned her face up to study the planet's two moons.

He examined her for a moment before he spoke. "I think it did. On the day you taught us, I knew that if I were to have a Master, I would want it to be you."

Her eyes darted to his quickly. "Master? I was a padawan myself!"

"You were close to being promoted then, and I still had a few years to be chosen at that point. But then you went to war."

"I had to go. I had to help," she whispered these same words as if by wrote memorization.

He nodded. "Many Jedi went to war, and the Jedi Masters proclaimed that you were Jedi no longer. Atris, the mistress of the archives was first among them. I knew at that moment that if you would no longer be a Jedi, then you must be correct. I realized I did not want to be a Jedi – instead, I wished to follow your path. And in any event, there was no one to train me, even if I wished it. They all went to war, as I grew past the age of acceptance."

Her eyes filled with grief as she turned toward him. "You turned away from the Jedi – the Force – because of me?"

"It is possible to forget the Force, you know – if you have not felt it strongly enough, then there is little to miss. But I never felt the Force as strongly as I did when I was with you."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. The Force guides us in all things. And so, I decided to serve the Republic, study the Jedi teachings, gather them, perhaps. It was important to me to understand the Jedi now that they were gone. I felt that some part of you should be preserved, so that your lessons would not be lost."

"My lessons or the Jedi's lessons?"

"Both, perhaps."

She nodded. "I've begun to train Atton and Bao-Dur to use the Force. I could train you too."

"No, it is not the time, if there ever is a time."

"Do you remember what it was like to listen?"

He smiled. "I do."

"Then listen. If you ever heard the Force, cling to that memory now and drink it in. I forgot what it was like during my exile. The deafness was staggering."

"I said I didn't want you to train me," he said quietly, the corners of his mouth still turned upward.

"This isn't training, it's just advice. If someone said you weren't allowed to use your eyes anymore you wouldn't quit using them would you? The Force is the same way. Just because some old men said we weren't Jedi anymore doesn't change the fact that the Force flows through us."

"I don't think Master Vrook would approve of that line of reasoning, Mistress Via."

She snorted. "From what I remember, Master Vrook rarely approves of anything."

A low chuckle rumbled up from his chest. "True."

"Strangely enough, I miss the old bastard sometimes, though. He was the closest thing to a father I ever had."

"Did you never know your parents?"

She shook her head. "No, I was found by the masters in an orphanage when I was four. I only have a few memories from before they took me in, though, none of them too pleasant. Getting chosen by the Jedi was like winning the lottery for me. I got to go live in the Jedi Temple, and learn such great things."

He nodded slightly. "I missed my parents when I came here, but it all seemed worth it, back then. I vowed that I would make it worth while."

"Well, that explains some of the earnestness, then. It must have been disappointing when you left."

"In some ways, yes. But it was nice to get to go home and get to know my family again."

"I could see that. I remember when I was very little when they would bring in the new younglings and the dorms would be hysterical for a few nights while everyone began to adjust to their new lives. I never knew if I should be happy I didn't have to cope with losing my family or if I should feel sorry for myself for not having real parents.

"Maybe if I'd had a family to return to my exile would not have been so hard on me."

"Maybe. But if the Masters are to be believed, the Force guides us in all things and your time in exile, while difficult, must have provided you with something you would need for the coming battles."

"Well, I did acquire a weakness for cocky spacers and bottles of juma, but that's about all I can think of. I have no idea how that's going to help me against the Sith, though."

"It does seem that that particular weakness has, at the very least, procured for you a Force wielding body guard."

She smiled. "That it has."

"Maybe he's the key to understanding the Sith threat and will one day singlehandedly bring peace to the galaxy once and for all."

She looked at the young man sideways and caught the mischievous grin that lingered more in his eyes than anywhere else and when his eyes met hers neither of them could contain the welling amusement and their laughter bounced lightly over the rocks and the rolling stream.

_Levy? _Atton's voice in her head cut her chuckle short.

"Speaking of cocky spacers, Atton is calling me, I'd probably better head back to the ship."

"I didn't hear anything," Disciple said, frowning.

Alevia tapped her forehead. "My bond with him has grown quite strong."

"Ah, I see."

"Anyhow, I'm glad you found me out here, Disciple, even if you weren't actually looking for me." She stood and offered him her hand to help him up. Slowly, deliberately he took it. His hands were softer than she would have expected, but his grip was firm and as she pulled him to his feet their eyes met and the same rolling wave of emotion that had greeted her in the Enclave earlier in the day, assaulted her senses.

He dropped her hand and glanced away over the stream, somehow slamming the doors shut on the tempest before it could run out of control. Alevia stepped sideways, trying to catch his gaze again. When he finally met it, he smiled weakly as she studied his face.

She realized that Mira had been right. He was easy on the eyes. His blue eyes shone even in the moonlight and his blonde hair swept neatly across his forehead, framing his high cheekbones and strong jaw perfectly. He had all the hallmarks of excellent breeding and she suddenly wished she had more time to ask him about his home and family.

She smiled at him warmly and when his smile brightened in return she couldn't resist reaching out and touching his hand lightly again before turning and heading back towards the ship.

"Good night, Disciple," she called over her shoulder as she strode away into the night.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: This chapter was much harder to write than I anticipated it to be and I'm afraid parts of it are much rougher than I meant for it to be... I also have the feeling that I'm going to regret what I'm doing with Mical... but... I swear, I had no choice. He made me do it!

* * *

Alevia wiped the moisture away from her eyes with her sleeve as she slipped away from the _Hawk_. Night had begun to settle on the grasslands surrounding Khoonda, but she welcomed the darkness – welcomed the sanction it gave her from the questioning eyes of her companions.

The day had been a difficult one. The five of them had set out at dawn for the crystal cave and the hike had been rougher than she remembered. The heat had been almost unbearable as the planet's hot sun beat down upon them. She decided that the last time she had made this trek it must have been winter. Either that or she had been a lot younger.

It hadn't helped her mood any when they found the mercenaries' hideout in a cavern deep inside the caves. It was not the mercenaries that soured Alevia's mood so quickly, but rather the sight of Vrook standing in a Force cage, his arms crossed over his chest and letting no look of recognition cross his sharp features.

The mercenaries were immediately hostile and told her to leave. She glanced at Vrook, then back her foe, and she suddenly felt like she was a youngling again, going through her lessons, knowing that any answer she gave would be the wrong one. Quickly she combed through her memories of her lessons on diplomacy, hostile negotiations and diffusing tricky situations.

Had it not been Vrook standing here observing her, she would have simply asked for the prisoner's release and if they hadn't cooperated she would have been happy to make them. But now she was second guessing herself. What was worse was that she was very aware that her students were standing behind her with lightsabers at the ready, and if a fight broke out there was very little doubt that Vrook would not approve of her training them. Hell, Vrook wouldn't have approved of her taking a padawan even if she hadn't left the order, she was sure. He'd never been warm and fuzzy, but he seemed to have it in for her especially.

It hadn't always been that way. When she had been very young he had been warmer, kinder and much less rigid when it came to the code. But something had changed that. It had seemed to Alevia that the change had come at the same time that the council first became aware of the bonds she was forming with her fellow students. He tried to advise her against it and when she had reached out to him through the Force he had rejected the bond she offered as soon as he became aware of it.

This had frustrated her six year old mind to no end. She had taken comfort in the bond that Kavar allowed her to form, but Vrook's rejection had always hung in the back of her mind, reinforcing her fears that she would never be good enough.

And standing in that cave she knew without a doubt that she whatever choice she made in dealing with this situation, he would find fault with it. So she decided that she would get the least grief if she managed to get through this without killing anyone and tried a nice subtle Force persuade.

But, of course, they caught on to the trick and immediately decided she would make a good bounty as well. The next thing she knew the cavern had erupted with light of sabers and blaster fire and she was rushing towards the captain of the band. A few moments later, the mercenaries were all dead and Alevia pressed the button to deactivate the Force cage with a great sense of dread.

"Always the rushing into action without thinking of the consequences," he began to berate her as soon as the field was down. "What? You were expecting thanks? Khoonda is in danger and you've ruined the best chance of averting a full scale conflict."

For some reason, even though she had expected it, his disapproval cut through her chest and she sighed.

"No, Master Vrook, the last thing I would ever expect from you is thanks." His sharp features became even more unfriendly and she immediately regretted her biting words. "I apologize for interfering. I was trying to help."

As he threw disapproving looks at her students he went on to lecture her about the consequences of her actions and the delicate position Khoonda was now in because of her. She had still been reeling from his rebuke when she heard herself ask how she could help. He'd told her that if she wished to prove herself that she should help Khoonda as he rushed off to warn Administrator Adare, leaving her there in the cave.

Alevia stood silently, staring at the now empty Force cage for a moment before turning and heading toward the entrance in a bewildered wobble. She avoided her companion's gazes, but felt all of their eyes mercilessly penetrating her back, searching for some sort of clue as to what they had just witnessed. She tried to shake off the emotion that was pressing down upon her, but she had little luck.

When she exited the cave and had been confronted by some of the mercenaries who had threatened Khoonda she was grateful for the excuse to unleash some of the frustration and turmoil that threatened to crush her. She had let into the mercenaries relentlessly, unleashing Force powers and saber strokes and leaving her companions with little to do but watch.

The trek back to the ship had been silent and Alevia hadn't acknowledged her friends' worries and questions. She knew they wanted some explanation of her behavior, but how could she explain what she did not understand herself?

Now, in the encroaching darkness she slipped along the river bank and tried to escape the frustration of the day. When she reached her favorite spot, she began to shed her robes and boots and slid into the cool water of the river, hoping that the emotions that hung on her would wash away as easily as the sweat and grime of the day's journey.

She floated on her back in the river, keeping herself from floating downstream by a gentle use of the Force. It had been a trick taught to her by one of the older padawan here when she first arrived and it had always been a relaxing exercise and one that allowed her to clear her mind and focus on nothing but the Force.

With her eyes on the sky and her ears filled with water, Alevia felt the surprise of her youngest companion as he came around the bend in the river. She didn't acknowledge his presence at first, but gently explored his consciousness as he froze in his tracks and drank in the sight of her. She had the distinct impression that what he saw was skewed significantly by his memories from their mutual past, but it had been a long time since anyone had looked at her and seen Via.

She'd almost forgotten what it was like to be Via, but here on this planet, with Vrook and the disciple she could almost feel that part of her again, slowly struggling to break free of the weight of the war and all those years without the Force.

He started to back away from the bank slowly, creeping back around the bend.

"Where are you going, Disciple?" she asked without changing her position in the water. Through the Force she felt his blush at being caught and she stood suddenly with a grin on her face as her eyes met his.

"The others… they were worried about you. I just came to make sure you were all right."

"You didn't tell them about this place, did you?"

He shook his head. "No, they probably think I'm still in the medbay. I snuck away when I got a chance."

"Thanks," she said with a slight smile. "Having somewhere to escape to doesn't work very well when everyone knows where it is."

"I'm sorry I disturbed you, I'll be going."

A low chuckle welled up in her chest. "You weren't. I expected you."

"You did?"

She nodded. "Yeah, why do you think I decided not to go skinny dipping?" A blush crept over his features and she laughed as she fell back into the water and let herself float again. "Vrook is such an ass. I don't know why I let him get to me the way I do."

"Many years of habit, perhaps," he suggested as he leaned on the rock where her robes were draped.

"He used to put me through hell. I don't know if I was imagining it, but it always seemed like he held me to a higher standard than everyone else."

Disciple chuckled. "How is that even possible? His standards were impossibly high."

"I know. Maybe he was just more vocal about his disappointment when I would fail."

"That's possible. You were obviously talented from a young age. He probably expected a lot from you."

"Yeah. Guess so. I started disappointing him early though. You'd think I'd have gotten used to it after so many years."

He seemed to think for a moment and then replied sympathetically, "It took me a long time to be able to face my father's disappointment. He was so proud that he was going to have a Jedi in the family and then I came home."

"Ouch."

"He didn't know what to do with me then. All of my brothers and sisters fell neatly into the roles he designated for them."

"How many brothers and sisters did you have?"

"Seven. Four brothers, three sisters. I was the youngest."

"What sort of jobs did he give them?"

The disciple shifted uncomfortably for a moment. "They all joined the family business."

She stood in the water again and tilted her head as she considered his answer. "You don't want to tell me."

He smiled slightly and shook his head. "No, Mistress Via."

She scowled playfully as she swam up to the rock he was sitting on. "You shouldn't call me that. You're not a youngling anymore. And I'm certainly no Jedi." Something about the way he looked at her in that moment triggered a memory of his young face and his name leapt into her mind.

"Mical!" she exclaimed as she slapped the rock exuberantly.

His grin was large as he nodded.

"See?" she said reflecting his grin. "It's no use trying to keep secrets from me. I will find out eventually. So, what's the rest of your name, Mical? Tell me about your family."

"My family is a touchy subject. I was supposed to have given them up, remember?"

"But you went back home."

"Yes."

She narrowed her eyes at him for his stubbornness and tried a different tactic. "So where is home?"

"I believe the name of your ship is the _Ebon Hawk._"

She ignored his answer and thought aloud, "From your accent, I'd guess coreward."

His eyes twinkled mischievously. "What accent? I don't have an accent."

In playful frustration she reached up and thumped his knee with a dripping hand that soaked his pant leg and the rock beneath it. "Right, and I don't have brown hair."

He calmly shook the excess water off his leg and shifted out of the puddle she'd created. "Well, in this light, it does look almost black. I guess like all things it is simply a matter of perspective."

She shook her head at him and pushed off the rock, lazily backstroking to the center of the stream again. "You're impossible."

"That's quite probable," he said with an amused chuckle.

"You know I could just go into your mind and dig out all your secrets."

"I'm sure you could. But you won't."

She sighed. "No, I won't." She resumed floating in the middle of the river as the silence settled over them.

"How are you doing that?" He asked eventually.

"Hmm? Oh, it's a meditation technique of a sorts… it's sort of like meditating while floating above the ground, except it's a little easier since you don't have to have the muscle control to stay seated."

"That's not anything I remember being taught."

She smiled. "No, I learned it from another older padawan when we used to sneak out here to swim at night."

"Ah, I see."

"What?"

"Did you sneak out often?"

"Yeah, actually. How about you?"

"I was a youngling. They watched us very closely."

"You didn't answer the question."

"A few times, yes."

She laughed. "I thought so. How did you find this place?"

She was surprised at the sudden change in his presence and she turned her head towards him in time to catch the remnants of a blush.

"To be honest, I followed you here one night."

"Oh my."

He chuckled. "It was fairly innocent. I couldn't sleep, saw you slip out of the enclave and decided to follow you."

Her laughter broke across the water. "I don't know whether to be flattered or creeped out."

"I was ten, you were seventeen. I think it was a harmless infatuation."

"And now? You've followed me here two nights in a row…"

"I had hoped I might find you here last night, but I didn't know you'd come."

She stood in the water and smiled as she headed for the bank. "There you go not answering the question again…"

He considered her for a moment before speaking again. "I find you intriguing, to be honest. You are everything I remember and yet none of those things at the same time. Your story, your following Revan, that you returned to face the Masters and your exile, it is a story that will be added to the histories taught to the future younglings. And I hope that by being here and recording it, that I, too, can become a part of the Jedi histories by preserving them for the future."

Alevia raised an eyebrow at him as she stepped into the shallow water near the bank. The water left her undergarments clinging tightly to her form and even in the moonlight, their translucence seemed to make them almost invisible. She stood there a moment, watching him as his eyes became transfixed upon the rivulets that cascaded from her hair, over her breasts, past her stomach and hips and down her legs.

She stepped toward him slowly as his eyes worked their way back up her body and met her eyes. He gulped and her smile turned into a predatory grin as she took another step closer to the rock.

"Just intriguing?"

He didn't speak, but instead turned his head quickly and looked out over the water in an attempt to regain some composure. She stood staring at him until he finally glanced back at her, his eyes only meeting hers this time as he smiled slightly and nodded.

"Good," she said as she grabbed her robes off the rock and wrapped them around her shoulders. "You're mistaken to think I am anything like the girl you knew here. Via vanished a long time ago and I think you would find the person I have become to be disgusting and morally repugnant.

"And you know what? I like this Alevia. I like the fact that I can't remember the names of most of the men I've slept with and I like the fact that I listen to my body and my emotions and let them be what they are, and not boxed up in neat little repressed package, hidden away from view, but there, lurking under the surface."

She took her other clothes off the rock and balled them up as she watched him closely for some reaction to her speech, his eyes met her steadily, but he did not speak. Instead he merely seemed to appraise her, waiting for her to finish or seek his opinion.

"Believe me, Mical, this is not anything you want to get tangled in."

She turned away from the rock and started heading toward the bend in the river as he finally found his voice. "You're wrong." She paused and looked back over her shoulder at him as he spoke. "You are still that girl I knew. I can see her and she is what she has always been."

"And what's that?"

"Someone who always wanted to do the right thing, but who always had difficulty in distinguishing between right and rules."

"The rules are there for a reason. You can't be a good Jedi without them."

"When the very basis of who you are is against the rules, how can you ever submit yourself to them?"

"I don't know." She glanced back over her shoulder again at the young man and smiled slightly before turning again towards the bend. "Good night, Mical."

"Good night, Via," he called after her. "Oh, and Via?" he said just before she turned the corner.

She stopped again and glanced back at him as he said simply, "Alderaan."

She smiled softly at the young man and nodded, appreciating his show of trust in spite of her little speech. She tilted her head slightly and disappeared around the bend at last.

* * *

As she headed up the ramp of the ship, still damp from her swim, wrapped in her outer robes, and carrying the rest of her clothes in her arms, she was met by Atton.

"Where have you been?" he asked suspiciously.

"Swimming," she said as she slid past him on the ramp and threw him a slight smile.

"I can see that," he growled.

"Then why did you ask?" she pressed with a sigh as she dropped her clothes in the dorm and headed toward the communications room.

He followed her sullenly. "The kid's been gone almost as long as you have."

"Are you trying to ask if I was with Mical?"

"Mical? What, he has a name now?"

She chuckled. "Yes, he does. And yes, I was."

"Levy," he growled as she began pressing buttons on a console. "I don't like it. I don't trust him."

"No, Atton, you don't trust me," she said as she glanced up from the console. "While I can certainly understand that, I can assure you that he is completely trustworthy, at least in _that_ respect."

"I still don't like it."

"Your complaint has been registered," she replied with a grim smile. "I had some research I wanted to do before bed. Do you mind?"

He stayed leaning on the doorframe for a moment and she saw his jaw flex as he ground his teeth in thought. Finally, without another word he pushed off the wall and stalked toward the cockpit.

She sighed again as she returned her attention to the holonet story she had pulled up on the screen. There, she studied an image of a large family, all of them exhibiting the same refined bone structure as her newest crew member. Sure enough, in the far right hand side of the picture, Mical's face stared back at her and she glanced down at the caption.

_The Sons and Daughters of the House of Antilles attend the Coronation of Viceroy Wilen Antilles, patriarch of the first family of Alderaan_


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: You guys are in luck, this one was actually beta'd! Thanks Trillian, you're the best! Anyhow, I hope that last chapter's "prince" revelation wasn't too over the top, but I really needed some other reason for Mical to be so... regal... (prissy?) that would actually make him more of a realistic and sympathetic character. In my mind, there's no way that the Prince Charming feel to his character came from his Jedi upbringing. After all, the order has given us the likes of Revan, Vrook and Atris. Now, enough of my rambling, to the story!

* * *

Alevia skimmed through the articles she had downloaded to her datapad as she lay in her bunk, her back to the room.

_Today Crown Prince Wilen Antilles and wife Lannah welcomed the newest addition to their family, Mical Tenn Antilles. The healthy baby boy will have no shortage of playmates as Lanen, Jesh, Karine, Welis, Joess, Zarek and Wilte eagerly await their new sibling's homecoming._

She couldn't keep from smiling at the picture that accompanied the blurb of the large family, with seven stair-stepped blond headed children crowded around their mother.

_Mical Antilles, age sixteen, became the last of Wilen Antilles' children to enter public life upon his enrollment at the University of Aldera. He will be studying a wide range of subjects but plans to focus on history and political science. It is expected that he will join his brother Welis and sister Joess in the diplomatic corps upon graduation. _

The holo that accompanied that article showed a young man that looked to Alevia like a cross between the child she'd known and the man he had become.

_The House of Antilles released a statement to the press today verifying the rumors that Mical Antilles left University and enlisted in the Republic Army, stating, "We stand behind Mical's choice to serve the Republic in this way. Our family has served Alderaan and the Republic for millennia and we are proud that he will continue that tradition." _

_The choice was surprising to many as Mical's siblings have each taken positions in the Alderaanian government. _

The most fascinating articles to Alevia were the gossip columns, though.

_Since he arrived at the university, Mical Antilles has been spotted by locals at some of Aldera's most prestigious gatherings. For each event he seems to be accompanied by a different girl and with the announcement of his brother Wilte's engagement, it looks like Mical has moved to the top of Aldera's most eligible bachelor list._

That column was accompanied by three pictures of Mical out on the town with three different young ladies on his arm. They were all blonde and generally gorgeous and suddenly Alevia felt a bit out of her league even just in housing her young companion.

_Brothers Wilte and Mical Antilles were spotted at a fund raiser for the Alderaanian Children's Fund last night accompanied by Jaka and Mely Nams. This is the third event this year that Mical and Mely have attended together and according to partygoers, the two danced the night away and slipped away together sometime before the end of the evening._

If the previous pictures had made her feel less than attractive, the picture of Mely on Mical's arm made her feel downright plain. Mely was a stunning beauty and her ample curves were perfectly highlighted by her evening dress.

Unable to contain her curiosity any longer, Alevia slipped out of her bunk and quietly padded to the medbay. She paused at the door and watched him for a moment as he rearranged supplies in a cabinet.

"We've got a long day ahead of us tomorrow," he said without turning around. "You should get some rest."

"I could say the same to you."

He glanced over his shoulder. "I couldn't sleep."

"No?" She slipped into the medbay and into a chair next to the single bed, pulling her knees up to her chest.

He shook his head and placed the last of the supplies back in the cabinet as he turned towards her and at last made eye contact. He looked as though he was about to face torture of the worst kind and she could almost see a green pallor that had settled over him as he braced himself for the impending line of questions.

"Are you all right?" she asked him with a chuckle.

"I'm sure I'll survive. Did you need something, Via?"

"Nope, just… never got to chat with a prince before." Her grin broke across her face as his skin turned an even pastier shade of green.

He closed his eyes and she thought she could feel him wishing himself to another place. "I'm not a prince."

"No? Your sister," she glanced down and consulted her datapad, "Lanen, is the crown princess, is she not?"

"She is, yes."

"Then how are you not a prince?"

"It just doesn't work that way on Alderaan. Only those in line for the throne hold titles as such."

She grinned at his exasperation. "Okay, fine. I've never gotten to chat with the son of a monarch before. Better?"

"No, not really," he said with a sigh and a slight smile.

"So, why the secrecy? Why make me look it up? Why not just tell me?"

"Oh, yes, that would have been a great way to introduce myself. Tell me, have you ever tried dropping something like that into the conversation?"

"Well, it certainly would have gotten my attention."

"If I wanted that sort of attention, I wouldn't have left Alderaan."

"No, I guess not. So why did you leave?"

"After the lessons here at the Enclave, I found the instruction at the university to be overly theoretical and impractical. Not to mention, boring."

"Huh, you seem like the scholarly type to me."

"It is true that I am happiest when learning new things, but the methods that the Jedi use to teach are much more effective. You are taught the theory behind the lessons, but they are applied practically as well.

"I didn't want to read about how the military and the senate worked, I wanted to experience it."

"So you enlisted?"

He nodded. "I became a medic. It was quite a change of pace from sitting in a classroom talking about casualty statistics to being someone trying desperately to reduce those statistics."

There was a sadness in his eyes then and she saw the deaths he had witnessed reflected in the lipid pools of blue. "And after the war was over?"

He smiled slightly. "I stayed in service and began to work on some special projects. Finding the Jedi was my most recent assignment, but until you showed up, I had experienced very little success in that mission."

She considered that for a moment and glanced down at her datapad again and a mischievous grin crossed her face. "So, what happened between you and Mely"

He blanched again and for a moment Alevia thought he might make a run for the door. "Nothing."

"Nothing? The gossip columnist doesn't seem to think so. It says right here that there were rumors of an engagement."

"Force. You can't believe that scrag, Via."

"So tell me what really happened!" Her delighted grin spread into her eyes.

"My brother was engaged to her sister. I was along to help diffuse some of the attention those two were getting. Mely and I were friends, but nothing more."

The look on Alevia's face was somewhat deflated as she tapped the datapad lightly. "So when you left the charity early, you weren't off making out in the back of a speeder somewhere?"

"Force, no!" he said in shock. "Does it say that?"

She giggled, thoroughly enjoying his discomfort. "No, just my own speculation."

"Mely was,_ is_, a very nice young woman. But she lacks certain traits that make a woman appealing to me."

She raised her eyebrows in curiosity. "Oh and which traits was she lacking? Because from the pictures it would seem she was greatly endowed in the areas men generally find appealing."

"Let's just say she lacked the mental faculties required to keep my interest."

"Oh, so she was dumber than a bag of hydrospanners?" His eyes widened in surprise at her bluntness and he nodded almost imperceptibly as she threw out another tacky expression. "A few planets short of a system?" The corners of his lips twitched upward and he covered his mouth. "About as sharp as a marble?"

He was chuckling audibly now as he reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder wordlessly imploring her to stop. She couldn't resist throwing out another one. "The wheel is spinning but the gizka is dead?"

"Yes!" he finally said through their laughter. "Though, I think the expression we always used was 'a few nerfs short of a herd'.

She grinned up at him and as their eyes met she noticed the way his sparkled when he laughed. She didn't know what it was about some people, that they tended to laugh more with their eyes than with any other part of their body, but that sort of mirth always seemed so contagious.

With their eyes locked she nudged at his consciousness gently and explored the brightness she had seen there. He seemed so full of light, bluer than most Jedi she knew, and she wondered how much of it was his Jedi training and how much was just his general nature.

All at once it seemed he realized his hand was still on her shoulder and he let his arm drop back to his side and looked away.

She frowned slightly at the mental wall she felt him throw up in that moment, and she determined to push a little further. "So if not Mely…" she paused for a moment and tried to think how to phrase her next question. "Did you ever find a reasonably intelligent girl to make out in the back of a speeder with?"

His eyes shot back to hers as a blush crawled up his cheekbones. "A few, yes."

She grinned. "Wonderful!"

"Wonderful?" A puzzled look came over his face.

"Definitely. If you had let your Jedi training inhibit you and hadn't found someone, I would have felt compelled to… teach… you a few things," she said in a suggestive tone as she raised her eyebrows.

"I can't imagine your pilot would approve of such a thing."

"No, I can't either," she agreed. "So it's a good thing I don't have to."

"Yes, a good thing."

She stood then and leaned against the doorway for a moment. "I guess we should both try to get some sleep, if possible."

He nodded then turned to her and let his eyes meet hers again. "You won't say anything to the rest of the crew, will you?"

She shook her head. "No, it'll just be our little secret."

"Thank you," he said quietly as she slipped out of the room.

She hadn't gotten more than a few steps down the hallway toward the main hold when Atton stepped around the corner and blocked her way. She could tell by the look on his face that he'd heard at least the last bit of the conversation.

"We're keeping secrets now?" he growled in a low whisper.

She glanced over her shoulder back towards the medbay and then grabbed Atton by the wrist and began to drag him towards the cockpit. He followed her sullenly and crossed his arms over his chest when she finally let go and activated the door between them and the rest of the ship.

"Before you say anything," she started, "I'm sorry for being so short with you earlier. I had something on my mind and I really wasn't in the mood for an argument, especially not that one. And as far as keeping secrets goes, you wouldn't want me to go blabbing to him about your past, would you?"

He shook his head slightly and she smiled up at him. "Now, what is it you wanted to say to me?"

He frowned and seemed almost disappointed that she'd taken the sting out of his frustration with her apology. "I thought you were going to do some research and then go to bed."

"I did. But then I ran across some things in the files I found that I thought he could help me understand better."

"I had no idea research was that funny. I could hear you two laughing all the way in here."

She shrugged. "He's a funny kid."

"Funny? He's about as uptight as they come."

"Well, yeah, but that can be pretty damn funny in the right context," she said.

He couldn't help but smile at her infectious grin. "So what was that about a secret?"

"I can't tell you, it's a secret." Her grin had spread to her eyes as she settled into the navigator's chair and pulled her legs up to her chest.

He leaned over the chair she was sitting in, and placed a hand on each of the armrests, and brought his face close to hers.

"You know, I have a lot of experience interrogating Jedi. I'm sure if I applied the right _techniques_ that you'd be begging me to listen to your little secret."

"You're welcome to try, but I don't think you're _that_ good, Rand."

"Funny, that's not what you said last time."

She giggled involuntarily and then forced the grin off her face as she leaned forward slightly. "Do your worst."

* * *

As Alevia stood before Master Vrook her palms were sweating and she would swear that her heart was going to beat out of her chest at any minute. She had faced the mercenaries on the battlefield without fear, but this man made her shake in her boots.

In spite of her anxiety, she summoned up her courage and asked him questions about the order and about her bonds and her exile. Not surprisingly, he answered them all with the same crusty attitude. It wasn't until he decided to try to teach her a new form that she finally saw a glimpse of the man she had known so long ago.

A sort of pride seemed to shine in his eyes as he noted how quickly she learned, but he quickly backtracked and commented on her sloppy form. She couldn't keep herself from smiling warmly at the crotchety curmudgeon and in that instant she heard a thought flit through her mind.

_You look just like your mother when you smile._

The thought froze her in place and slowly she let the words form into a single question. "You knew my mother?"

He narrowed his eyes at her and she flinched as she felt whatever miniscule connection that had been built between them during the day's battle shatter suddenly.

"I did," he replied sternly, not volunteering any further information.

Alevia didn't feel like he'd given her permission to ask any additional questions but she couldn't keep them from tumbling out.

"How?"

"Before you were born your mother was under Jedi protection for a time while she waited to testify against one of her… clients."

"Is she still alive?"

"No, Alevia, your mother died when you were an infant. She was murdered by associates of those she testified against."

"And my father?"

"She never said who your father was. Due to the nature of her… business… it is likely that she wasn't sure herself."

"Business?" she asked bewilderedly not sure if she really wanted to know the answer to that question.

"Yes."

His terse answer confirmed her suspicions. "Why was I never told?"

"What good would have come of it?" he asked harshly. "You were an orphan. We watched you in the orphanage and when we realized you were force sensitive, we brought you to the temple."

"What harm would have come from knowing?"

"A Jedi gives up his familial ties when he joins the Order. It was better to never discuss it. It would only lead to confusion and a lack of discipline. A trait you were never strong in to begin with."

She stood there silently for a moment pondering her new revelation. If her mother had testified and been murdered… surely there were some records detailing those events. "What was her name?"

"Kamala Liebo," he replied shortly, but as he said the name Alevia felt an affection in his voice that brought a bright smile to her face.

"Thank you," she said warmly as she began to turn and leave. After a few steps she stopped and glanced back at the old man again and caught him smiling slightly as the affection that had been in his voice spread to his face. Suddenly she spun to face him and in a few long steps covered the ground between them and wrapped her arms around him in an impetuous hug.

She felt him stiffen against her embrace, but she ignored it and squeezed him tighter before letting him go and practically sprinting for the door before he could ruin the moment with words.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Well, it's been two and a half years since I've published any additions to this story… life has been hectic! The following segments were written at different times and with varying notions as to future plot on this increasingly bizarre tale… so I apologize for any inconsistencies or roughness in my work. I haven't really written anything in the last couple of years, so once again I am sorely out of practice… but I thought I'd better go ahead and publish before I let it get away from me again. Hopefully I can get some forward momentum and begin to try to make some sense out of all the craziness.

* * *

Alevia bounded up the ramp of the _Hawk_, a million questions on her mind. She had a mother. Not just a mythical "mother" but a real woman with a real name; Kamala Liebo. The name raced through her head over and over again, afraid that she might somehow forget it.

She rushed through the main hold barely noticing Mira or Atton, standing in the galley stuffing food into their mouths, and straight into the com room. She was startled by the unexpected presence of Mical at the main communication relay.

"Oh, I…" She hesitated at the doorway.

"I'm sorry, did you need to use the com?" He asked as he looked up from the screen in front of him. "I was just sending off a small report on today's events to my commanding officer. The higher ups have to make sure I'm earning my pay."

"Commanding officer? I thought you were a historian."

There was an almost imperceptible pause as he tried to assess just how much he should tell her. "Yes, I'm currently in the employ of the Republic Forces. I'm just a bureaucrat of sorts, creating reports that will likely go unread. But as I'm sure you know, the Fleet has a vested interest in what happened with the Jedi. It was thought that my background would be best suited to bring all that information together."

She nodded slowly. Then shook her head as she remembered why she was there. "No, I don't need the com. I was just going to check the holonet for something," she said as she squeezed past Mical to the corner console.

"Ah, good." He returned to his work at the com as Alevia held her breath and entered "Kamala Liebo" into the search field.

After a moment, the results started trickling in, very slowly. Alevia pulled up the first result and was faced with a holo of a very beautiful woman wearing elaborate hair and clothing styles, hallmarks of the Coruscanti elite society. Her face was turned at an angle to the camera and Alevia studied it in fascination. Kamala's hair was the same plain brown as her own, but somehow it seemed radiant in its luster. Her mother's mouth was oddly familiar and while she wasn't smiling in this picture, Alevia knew what Vrook had seen in their similarities. Their eyes were almost identical and Alevia felt a welling up of emotion as she realized just how much like her mother she was and wondered how her life could have been different if she'd lived.

As a single tear rolled down Alevia's cheek as Mical put his hand on her shoulder. "Are you all right, Via?" The concern in his voice made the tears come faster, though she quickly wiped her hand across her face and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine… I just…" She didn't know quite how to explain.

"She's very beautiful," he said with awe. "Who is she?"

"My mother."

"Oh," he was silent as he studied the image a moment. "I can see the resemblance. It's quite amazing actually." She nodded, unable to summon words. "Is that Master Vrook?"

Alevia had been taking in her mother's face alone and hadn't noticed the two Jedi escorts on each side of her. "Force, I think you're right," she said as she tilted her head to study the face in the foreground. It was unlined and even more amazingly it was not scowling, but it was definitely Vrook. "He said he had protected her during some sort of trial she was a witness for."

Mical read the caption to the picture out loud. "'Renowned Courtesan, Kamala Liebo, arrives on the first day of the Macko trial, escorted by Jedi bodyguards.'"

Alevia snorted a half laugh. "My mother was a prostitute… it figures."

"Courtesans are quite respectable on Coruscant. I know that there are always quite a few accompanying the senators and other diplomats to Republic functions."

"It does make me wonder, though…"

"Hmm?"

Alevia shrugged as she brought up the next entry on the screen.

_Kamala Liebo was found dead in her apartment this morning, an apparent victim of homicide. It is being speculated that revenge may have been the motive. Her testimony was key in the landmark conviction of the gangster, Greb Macko, two years ago. She is survived by an infant daughter. _

Another set of tears rolled silently down Alevia's face. "It was 30 years ago. It's silly of me to cry now."

Mical shook his head as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "You have found her and lost her all in the same few minutes. It would be a lot for anyone to take in."

"It's not even that she died…" she stuttered as she wiped the tears from her cheeks again.

"No?"

She shook her head. "I've always been an orphan. But at the temple... We weren't supposed to have attachments, but we all did… and I always felt left out somehow… so unattached. Like no one would really ever notice if I were gone."

"But what about your bonds?"

"I wormed my way into their auras… how can I think they ever had any real affection for me?"

Mical turned to look at her and touched her hair lightly. "I can assure you, Via, we all had real affection for you from the moment we met you, even when we weren't supposed to."

Alevia was too absorbed by her own thoughts to notice the admiration in his eyes. "Maybe… but this woman… she would have known how to prevent a pregnancy…"

"She chose you."

Alevia nodded again, unable to speak from the flood of thoughts and emotions running through her mind. Mical wrapped his arm around her shoulder and squeezed tightly. She leaned her head on his shoulder a moment before continuing on to the final entry, a collection of images from an inauguration ball her mother had attended. They spotted her in a few of the pictures, but she was primarily in the background on the arm of some senator.

"I can't believe that's all there is."

"Well, it was thirty years ago. Most references would have been archived or hit the recycler decades ago."

She sighed. "I can't help wanting to know more… to get to know her somehow."

"Well," Mical paused a moment, thinking. "Perhaps when we get to a more coreward planet, I can see what I can find in the archives. At the very least the transcripts of the Macko trial should be there and details regarding her death… if you're interested in such things… I believe my clearance levels would allow me to access those files."

"Really?" she asked as she turned to him.

The hope in her voice made him smile. "Certainly. I would be delighted to be of assistance."

She grinned and hugged him fervently. "I'm glad the Force brought us together, Mical."

He smiled as he pressed his cheek into her hair. "As am I, Via."

* * *

Alevia sidled up to the workbench and nudged Bao-Dur lightly in the side before she hopped up on the bench and beamed a smile down at him. He returned her smile with a warmth and affection that caused a welling up of peace and contentment in her chest. But her smile faded as a touch of sadness seemed to settle over him. She reached out towards his face to caress his cheek and her frown deepened as he leaned away from her, just out of reach.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing, General. Everything is exactly how it should be."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Doesn't all this seem a bit silly to you?"

"All what?"

He made a gesture towards the main hold. "I see the way you look at him."

"Him? Atton?"

He shook his head.

"Mical?" her voice was incredulous.

His beautiful amber eyes met hers and the sadness seemed overwhelming for a moment before he managed a slight smile. "I just can't do it anymore."

"Do what?"

"Whatever it is we have been doing since we found each other again."

Fear flooded into her voice. "Are you leaving?"

He shook his head. "No, I just… need to put an end to it, before I won't be able to stay."

"Bao, I'm sorry," she began, but he cut her off.

"No, General. You can't help it. I know that."

"But, I…"

"You can't help it, General, but I can. I will fight and even die by your side. But you cannot ask me for that again."

She was dumbstruck. The last time anyone had told her no, was when Revan had brushed her aside after their brief affair. That had hurt, because she had wanted to believe she was in love, but now she ached because she knew what she had done to the man before her.

"I never meant to hurt you."

"I know and I'm sorry I can't do it anymore. Part of me wishes I could go on, pretending that the only thing that mattered were the moments when we were together, but if I'm going to have to start sharing you with another, those moments will become fewer and fewer. And I can't live my life like that."

"I have no interest in Mical in that way," she argued.

"Perhaps not, but with the course you two are on, it won't be long. The bond has already begun to form."

"I…" she tried to think of something to say, anything to make him change his mind. But she knew there was nothing she could do. "One last kiss for old times' sake?"

He shook his head and she sighed as she lowered herself off the workbench and gave him a lingering, regretful hug. "If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me."

He nodded. "And I will always be here for you, General, in every way that I _can_ be."

She turned loose of him and wandered out of the garage with a bewildered look on her face where Mical caught sight of her.

"What's wrong, Via?"

She turned toward him and her eyes refocused after a moment. "I think I've just been dumped."

There was a brightness in his eyes for a brief second before he managed a sympathetic frown. "Did he say why?"

"Just said he couldn't do it anymore."

"Well, you're better off without him anyway. His loyalty was questionable at best."

Her eyes shot to his in confusion. "Bao-Dur is the most loyal friend I have ever had."

"Bao? But I thought…"

She couldn't help a rueful chuckle. "I told you you'd find me morally repugnant."

He just looked at her and let the weight of her statement settle over him.

The disturbed look that crept onto his face was enough to make her laugh as she started down the hallway to the main hold and mumbled, "Force, I need a drink."

* * *

Alevia dropped to the floor across from Kreia in the port dorm with a melancholy sigh. They were on their way to Onderon, but Alevia had spent most of the journey so far locked away in the starboard dorm, avoiding most of her crew.

"Have you come with questions?" the older woman asked as Alevia rolled her eyes.

"Nope, just came to share the misery."

"Your misery is your own fault. How many times must you be warned against forming attachments to your companions?"

Alevia had begun to settle into her meditative pose, but instead splayed herself out on the floor and stared up at the ceiling. "Force, if I knew how to keep from forming attachments, don't you think I would have done it already?"

"You seemed to manage perfectly well in your exile."

"Yeah, well it's different with the Force."

"Perhaps if you would restrain your, _activities_, with your companions, you would not find it so difficult."

"I think we both know there is little hope of that."

"And that is the foolishness that will be your death in the end."

"I can think of worse ways to go."

"Have you no idea of the scope of the work that is still to be done? Do you not understand what you are about to face?" her sharp tone made the younger woman's skin crawl. "Your bonds could be strengths. To be able to inspire and lead, even as Revan did, that is a rare gift indeed. But because you are weak, because you have no discipline, you allow your bonds to control you."

"Ugh, there's that word again. Seriously, you and Master Vrook should get together sometime. I'm sure you'd just love talking about how horrible I am."

"You continue to mock me and my advice. Tell me, Exile, why do you come to me at all?"

She sat up finally and wrapped her arms around her knees as her face frowned in thought. "Self flagellation?"

Kreia's powerful stare, even through the hood of her robe, cut through Alevia's chest and she shivered involuntarily. "Fine. I guess I come to you because I do want to learn what you have to teach. I know that meditating with you helps me to remain serious about what we're trying to accomplish."

"And what is it that we are trying to accomplish?"

"Rally the Jedi, fight the Sith, save the Republic, you know, the usual Jedi crap."

"Perhaps you should find a different goal if your current one leaves you so lackluster."

"Such as?"

"Rally the Sith, fight the Jedi and save the Republic from itself?"

"Somehow I doubt Vrook would approve."

"Ah, yes, Vrook again. He is forefront on your mind since we left Dantooine."

Alevia nodded. "He knew my mother."

"And?"

"Well, it seemed obvious from the way he spoke that he was quite fond of her. I guess I'm wondering why he rejected my bonds so completely if he knew her."

"Perhaps it is because he did know her and that he thought to guide you down a different path."

She frowned and pondered the idea for a moment. It was certainly possible.

"Tell me, when you were very young, before he severed his link with you, did you ever see any of his memories or thoughts?"

"I don't remember seeing anything, but I was awfully young."

"And even if you had seen them you might not have had context to understand them."

Alevia nodded slowly.

"It may be possible to retrieve any memories from your childhood through meditation. It might be a worthwhile exercise. It could be very… enlightening."

The younger woman nodded again and closed her eyes.

"Very well, I will guide you."

They began to delve into the usual meditation, but soon, Kreia began to work her way through her mind and found what she was looking for.

_He knocked hard on the door, rapping his knuckles against the metal surface in frustration. She had sent him a com sometime in the middle of the night but he hadn't gotten the message until this morning. She had been scared saying only, "I think they're here," in a frantic whisper before the message cut off. _

_He examined the access panel next to the door and tried the override code that the Jedi had used when they had protected her during the trial, but it didn't work. He hadn't really expected it to. Kamala hadn't been under Jedi protection in over a year and it would seem unlikely that she would have kept the code active, but he was running short on options. Suddenly, he pulled his saber off his belt and jammed it through the locking mechanism in the middle of the door, causing it to click and release. He pushed the doors apart and immediately felt nauseated at the sight before him._

_She laid in the middle of the ransacked living room her head at an unnatural angle. He crossed the floor to her quickly and wanted desperately to wrap his arms around her broken body, but his Jedi training kicked in just enough to prevent him from moving her body, but not enough to stifle his memory of the last time he'd seen her. _

_She had been radiant, even in her sleep, as he had recited to himself once again all the reasons to have himself removed from her security detail. He had grown too attached - too fond of this woman who had somehow connected herself to him through the Force. The Masters warned against emotional entanglements and he had never believed that he could fall prey to something he had been so wary of, but he had. The last few months he had spent too many nights in her bed and too many days being distracted from his meditations by her presence in his mind. _

_And the biggest reason of all to go was that she would never be his. When he had found out she was pregnant, he had thought to quit the order and be with her… He wasn't naïve enough to think the child was his. He was very sure he hadn't been Kamala's only lover since the trial and she wasn't being forthcoming with any information regarding its parentage. In fact, it seemed that in Kamala's mind she had forged this child of her own will. It was her child and hers alone, made possible now by the cessation of her business dealings and an influx of free time to dedicate to raising a child. Even so, if she would have had him, he would have left everything behind to take care of her, to watch over her, to be with her. He loved her. And he knew from her bond that she loved him. She loved him in a way that she'd never loved anyone else before… but it wouldn't be enough. She would never be his entirely and that was a reality he couldn't give up his Jedi life for. _

_And now, as he pulled out his communicator to com the Coruscanti police, he stared at her still, blue tinted face and wondered if he'd made the right decision. If he'd been here he could have protected her. _

_A baby's cry sounded from the next room and he had to stifle his own cry as he realized that her child must still be alive. He rushed toward the closed door and found it locked as well. He forced that door open and burst into the small nursery, worried that something might have happened to her, but was met by a brilliant smile as the ten month old baby saw him, pulled up on the side of her crib and held out one pudgy hand to him._

_He couldn't help the tearful smile that broke across his face at seeing her bright expression that even at this young age looked so much like her mother's. _

_He held the child close. Not turning her loose even after the police came. Only when the woman from the orphanage came to take her did he finally let her go, but not until after one last watery embrace._


	15. Chapter 15

Alevia wished she hadn't let Kreia dredge up the old memory that wasn't even hers or the accompanying memory where she asked Vrook how the pretty lady had died.

No wonder he'd cut her off so violently. Imagine the uproar that would have occurred if it had become known that Vrook was a full on hypocrite who had almost left the order for _Love_. That just wouldn't do.

She left Kreia's room and headed straight to the cockpit. She needed a distraction from the thoughts that were bouncing around in her head. She didn't want to wonder what could have been different if she'd grown up with a real mom & dad or if Vrook hadn't left her mother for the damned order. And she especially didn't want to think about Vrook ever being _intimate_ with anyone. Blech.

She slipped into the cockpit and locked the door behind her before settling into the copilot's chair.

"Well, well, decided to grace me with your presence have you? And to what do I owe this rare treat? Got an itch the Zabrak can't scratch?"

Atton's hostility surprised her, though it probably shouldn't have. "Oh, shut the hell up, Atton. The last thing I need right now is your skrag."

"You expect to be able to ignore me for days and then just waltz in here and me just be thankful? Force Levy, you didn't even show up for our training session."

"A _lot_ of skrag has happened in the last few days. And I didn't see you coming to check in on me."

"Oh Force no. There's no way in hell I'm going anywhere near that dorm. There's no telling who or what I'd find you doing."

Alevia just glowered. She hadn't told him about Bao spacing her. She couldn't bring herself to. She figured he'd lose interest if he realized it wasn't a fight anymore and if he didn't lose interest… well, that was even more disturbing.

"Force, Levy," he whined after several minutes of uncomfortable silence. "What do you expect?"

She shrugged as she pulled her legs into the seat and continued to sit in silence, her mind violently pitching her swarms of thought to and fro. After a few moments she felt a gentle nudge on her psyche as her pilot tried to break through her gloom.

She sighed and glanced at him briefly then pulled her legs tighter to her chest and rested her head on her knees as her gaze drifted back to the window into the hyperspace swirls.

"Force, Levy. What's wrong?"

She shrugged again. "Everything. Nothing. Does it matter?"

Atton popped a panel off the bottom of the console with his boot and gave Alevia a mischievous grin as he pulled out a flask from the hidden compartment. He took a nice long swig and handed her the bottle.

"You look like a girl that could use a drink."

She tipped the flask back and sighed as the warmth spread over her. "Thanks, I could have used that a couple of days ago. Didn't know you were holding out on me."

"Well, since Dantooine is just a dry hole when it comes to fun I didn't get to restock. So this is the last of it until Onderon."

"Pity. I could drink all of this myself."

He grabbed the bottle from her and took another long swig himself before handing it back to her. "So, what happened?"

"Honestly, I really don't want to talk about it. I came to see you because I thought you would be the ONE person on this ship who wouldn't try to make me."

"Fine. I'm not one to complain that a woman doesn't want to share her thoughts and feelings with me and only uses me for sex."

She rolled her eyes. "That's awfully optimistic of you."

"Is it? I thought it was a given when you locked the door."

She glared at him. "So you decided to give me crap just to set the mood?"

"Well, I can't have you thinking I'm easy."

She laughed. "You? Easy? Never! You're the most difficult man I've ever known. And that's saying a lot considering all the cantankerous old farts I knew in the Order."

"Yeah, that Vrook guy was a piece of work…"

Anger flashed in Alevia's eyes as her jaw set into a hard expression. The emotion that flowed off of her caused Atton to do a double take.

"Woah, Levy. What the hell is that?"

She took a deep breath and tied to shake it off. "Oh, just some pent up animosity for a hypocritical schutta."

"Hypocritical? What? Did he Force choke students?"

She giggled at the image that popped into her head of Vrook torturing initiates with dark side powers as he put them through their drills.

"No, nothing so dark."

"Oh, then it was sex."

He was so matter-of-fact about it that she couldn't help but laugh. "What makes you say that?"

"There's only two kinds of Jedi. The ones who crave power or the ones that do it out of duty to protect those they 'love.'"

"And you learned this in your days as a Sith assassin?"

"Sure thing. Basic Jedi manipulation training. The ones that want power you have to open the door for them to fall, but appear weak so they think it's their decision. The others though, they do everything for _love_. All you have to do is hurt someone they care about and BAM. Worked every time."

"What's any of that got to do with sex?"

"They're the same thing to those Jedi. Both forbidden, both craved, both snuck. If you can seduce one of those, they think they've fallen in love."

"Huh…. So which kind am I?"

Atton had the look of a cannok caught in a trap as he seemed to be trying to figure out how to not answer the question. "When I figure that out, I'll let you know…"

"Or just use it to manipulate and control me."

There was a mischievous shine to his eyes for a moment before he shrugged. "Well, it seems to me that you're the love kind… but somewhere along the way there was a disconnect between love and sex. I guess it might have had to do with your loss of the For –"

"Revan," she cut him off.

"Wha-?"

"It was Revan. I thought I loved him. But he showed me I didn't."

"So you and Revan…" his voice trailed off, unable to finish the question.

She nodded.

"Why am I surprised?" he asked as he snaked the flask back from her.

She chuckled. "You thought Revan had better taste?"

"Oh, please. I have no doubt you were a hot little schutta. Straight out of the order though, so probably too uptight for my tastes, but Revan would have seen that as a challenge."

"He's a power Jedi."

"Oh yeah, no doubt about that."

She sighed as she pulled her knees up to her chest again. "You know one thing I did not miss in my Exile was the politics."

"I bet," he took a long swig out of the flask. "So you never said… who'd the old man do?"

"My mother."

Atton choked on his juma and laughed. "Is he your father?"

"It's possible, though he doesn't think so."

"And he told you all this?"

"No… he only told me her name and that he'd been assigned to her as a bodyguard."

"And why do you think they were…" his voice trailed off as he seemed to have a sudden need for tact.

"Screwing?" she supplied. "Kreia helped me remember an old dream of his that I'd shared as a youngling."

Atton rolled his eyes. "Oh."

Alevia shot him a questioning look. "What?"

"Well… obviously you can think what you want, but I sure as hell wouldn't trust anything that old scow 'helped' me remember."

"You think she made it up?"

"All I'm saying is that it's possible. With the bond you two have, I imagine it wouldn't be hard at all to plant something."

Alevia leaned back into her chair as she became lost in thought. It made sense. She was surprised she hadn't seen the ulterior motive herself.

"Thanks, flyboy. I was so busy being curious I forgot to be suspicious."

"Now, I'm not saying it's not true…" Atton backtracked.

"No, I know… but either way she wanted me to know it… and that in itself is very interesting."

He nodded and handed her the flask. "Last call till Onderon."

She drained the container and handed it back to him. "Thanks again, flyboy. I could kiss you for that."

"What's stopping you?"

She turned towards him as she stretched in the copilot's chair. "Well, you're all the way over there…"

"Yeah, that's a pity. Guess you'll just have to go without."

With a gleam in her eyes she leaned forward and grabbed his hand. "Or you could just come over here," she said with a gentle tug.

"I suppose I could… but that would be me kissing you, wouldn't it?"

"Yes, you are indeed the most difficult man I've ever met."

He grinned. "Aw, you know you love it."

She couldn't help but return his grin as she hoisted herself up and leaning over him, lightly pressed her lips to his.

"Thanks again, flyboy." She started to straighten up, but with a lightning precision that spoke of a lot of practice, he snaked his arm around her waist and pulled her into his lap.

He feigned a bashful grin as he pulled her closer. "Aw, hey, don't mention it."

* * *

The Jedi Masters regularly debated the nature of the Force. Was it neutral by itself and only light or dark through the motives of its users? Or was it some benevolent power always working toward the good of all life, even in its misuse?

Alevia didn't know for sure, but when they made their "emergency landing" – as Atton insisted they call it – on Dxun, she was pretty sure it must hate her with all the power of a thousand suns. She wasn't particularly fond of it at that moment either.

And of course there was no way they were going to be able to take off again until repairs were made. Repairs that required parts they didn't have. And of course with Dxun being abandoned since the Mandolorian wars, the only way to get what they needed was to scavenge any useable parts from what was left of the wreckage from the war.

So she gritted her teeth and tried to remember her lessons on the benevolence of the Force as she and her crew began to scour the surface of the moon.

Well, most of her crew. For reasons that completely befuddled Alevia – though she was beginning to suspect he just didn't want to get his jacket wet – Atton felt it was necessary that he stay with the ship and make what repairs he could. And of course Kreia stayed behind because she had gotten to a point where she rarely left the ship unless she felt the need to give Alevia some sort of lecture.

So Alevia walked between her former lover, with whom she shared so many memories of this horrid jungle and who was actively avoiding eye contact with her, and the young idealistic aristocrat who couldn't seem to wipe the expression of distaste that had been on his face since he realized just how far his idolized teacher had strayed from the memory he had of her.

The only saving grace was that Mira seemed to not really notice – or maybe just refused to acknowledge – the awkwardness between them all and did a great job of keeping the mood bearable with a constant stream of jokes and war stories. And of course, war stories always lead to more war stories and soon Bao-Dur and Alevia were reminiscing about their days here. The remarkable thing was that as Mical listened the pinched expression he wore slowly faded as he began to understand some of the history between the Zabrak and his General.

So just as Alevia was beginning to think that maybe – since the Force had given her Mira –it didn't hate her after all, a squad of Mandalorians de-stealthed around them. It was now official. The Force not only hated her, it also seemed to enjoy taunting her mercilessly with the contentment she couldn't quite grasp.

As a Mandalorian pushed his blaster into her back, they began the trek to the Mando's base camp. Mandalorians weren't known for taking prisoners so, on the one hand, Alevia wasn't too worried that their lives might be in danger. But on the other, the distinctive shuffling noise of their armor suits coupled with the negative energy of the moon itself put her on edge.

An ear splitting clap of thunder accompanied an abrupt deluge of rain and suddenly the jungle transformed in front of her as a memory that was not entirely her own slammed into her.

_The rain had been relentless that day, pounding any embattlements they had made back into the mud that worked incessantly to swallow any intruders. In the darkness Alevia couldn't see her squad, but she could hear faint rustles over the rain and she could feel them through the Force. The lightning and artillery detonations in the distance were taking turns lighting up their faces and Alevia knew that none of them would be sleeping tonight in spite of the day's grueling journey. They had made good progress towards their target today, covering over seven clicks – no easy task considering the very poor traveling conditions. They had dug into the hillside late that afternoon to try to get some cover._

_They needed to rest. The assault on the complex was happening at first light and that was still another three clicks away. She needed her troops fresh –or at least as fresh as they could be considering the slurry mess they were using for beds._

_Alevia slipped into a meditation and began to channel restorative energies to her squad. It wasn't much in the scheme of things, but it might just make the difference in the coming battle. Then she stretched out with the Force and began to scan for trouble. Unfortunately it was just a slight prickle of uneasiness that came over her before she saw the streaking light of an incoming artillery charge._

"_Take cover!" She barked as she tried desperately to shield these people with the Force. She couldn't hold the shield for more than a second; just long enough to see a second and third streak rushing toward them. She huddled down into the mud, fighting every instinct she had to run from the incoming danger._

_The flash of light that accompanied the third charge painted a gory canvas of the previous bombs' handiwork. Body parts littered the ground and the water that pooled around them was red with their blood. They'd been ambushed and she hadn't been able to keep it from happening or even warn them in time to save them. The third blast hit and she was knocked back against the hillside with a brutal force._

_She tried staggering up as soon as her sense of balance recovered, but had only just made it to her feet when several Mandalorians appeared around her. The lightning flashed and their armor shone brightly, glistening in the rain. It was almost pretty._

"_Talk, Jedi," one of them growled at her._

_She shifted her weight backwards onto her right foot to make sure she had solid footing and prepared to Force pull her saber off her belt, but that was stopped cold when the body of her tech sergeant was thrown in front of her._

"_Talk and this skinny piece of Zabrak trash may just live a few more minutes."_

_Bao-Dur was barely conscious but he still managed to shake his head at her, trying to encourage her not to worry about him._

_She had to get him to safety and anyone else who might still be alive. She gritted her teeth and then began to channel all her hatred for these Mandalorian pigs, all her fears for her friends, and all of her sorrows into a desperate stream of energy that burst from her hand._

_The crackling blue flame lit up the sky and she watched gleefully as the armored suits fell to the ground._

When the flashback was done with her, Alevia came to on her knees, Mical hovering over her checking her pulse and other vitals. Mira was in a similar position over a prone Bao-Dur who let out a low groan as the memory receded. After a few minutes they returned to their feet and continued their forced march, but the visions weren't done with them. As they made their way through the muck they kept seeing pieces of their past – a friend dead in a trench; a soldier who'd been eviscerated by some insane Mando who decided to use a sword; the way the jungle had turned to mud as the rains and warfare worked together to snuff out all living things. She tried to get Bao-Dur to head back to the ship, but he refused. He would give everything for her, just as he'd promised, even his sanity.

By the time they entered the fairly extensive complex that the Mandalorians had carved out, she and Bao-Dur were exhausted from their ordeal. Mira, of course, was thrilled. These people had raised her and it seemed that she felt she had come home. Mical, on the other hand, seemed fascinated by everything and was taking notes as quickly as his datapad would process them.

True to his race, the new Mandalore was a hardass. He could probably get them to Onderon and even had a contact there that could help her locate Kavar, but of course it all came at a price. They had to prove themselves _worthy._

Alevia thought about detailing the thousands of lives she had taken, but knew he wouldn't be impressed by ten years ago. So she jumped through his hoops and even went above and beyond just to make sure these men knew just how dangerous she was. She especially enjoyed showing up the Mandalorian warriors in the battle circle. It was always such fun to beat someone at their own game, especially when they took that game way too seriously.

During each sadistic "challenge" Mandalore set up for them, Alevia and Bao-Dur continued to battle through their flashbacks – though their intensity continued to lessen over time. Keeping busy helped, but when they ran across the young Mandalorian trapped by cannoks, Alevia felt the malice in her mechanic encouraging her to press the button that would end the helpless youngster's life. She had to admit she considered it for a brief moment. She was sure that he certainly would have been happy to blow her to bits if their positions had been reversed, but Alevia managed to shake it off.

It was strange though, as soon as the kid ran off, she felt a real contentment settle over her. She glanced at Bao-Dur and was pleased to see that he seemed to have let go of something he hadn't been able to before. A warm smile overtook her face that was returned briefly before dropping his eyes back to the jungle floor.

It was just a couple of days later that Alevia wound up in a shuttle with Mandalore and Bao-Dur on her way to Onderon. She had meant to take Mira just to avoid the awkward silences, but with the passenger restrictions of the shuttle she could only take one of her crew and it became very clear that Bao would not be leaving her side as long as Mandalore was there.

Even though Bao's general quietness and subtle hostility only made their escort less communicative than normal, Alevia was glad to have him there. Even with his high level of dislike for the Mandos his presence was stabilizing to her. He was her rock, just like always.

As they worked their way through the machinations required to find Kavar, Alevia forgot herself on occasion and out of habit reached for Bao's hand or leaned in to kiss him and was shocked each time as he gently moved away from her touch. She might have taken offense, except that she knew he was just making sure he could stay with her.

They didn't get much time to themselves since their heavily armed and armored escort seemed to always be pushing them forward, but while they were waiting in the cantina for Kavar, at long last, Alevia managed to catch Bao's eyes.

"Thank you," she said with a faint smile.

"For what, General?"

"For always knowing just what I need."

"I'm glad to hear that, General. I had the fear that you would never understand and that you would hate me for it."

"I'm not going to say it didn't hurt, but I could never hate you…"

She might have continued, but suddenly a thought rang through her mind. "_Via!"_

She turned towards the door and couldn't contain the joy that overcame her as Master Kavar crossed the room with arms outstretched and swept her into a hug that would make a Wookiee proud.


	16. Chapter 16

Kavar held Alevia tightly and for a moment she remembered what had been like to be a child under his protection. It was safe and warm here and Alevia felt some of the tension she had been carrying drop from her shoulders. After a moment he loosened his grip, stepped back and held her by the shoulders while he looked her over.

"Via. How good it is to see you. When I received the message that there was a Jedi here looking for me, I had a faint hope it might be you."

Her smile was bright. "It's good to see you, Master Kavar. Ten years and you don't look a day older."

He chuckled. "Then your memory fails you, child. Though I can hardly call you that anymore." His gaze drifted over her noting her lightsaber as he slid his hands down her arms and held her by the hands. "You look much better than the last time I saw you. I'm very glad of that. Perhaps your exile was good for you in some ways."

Her eyes hardened slightly. "It's only been since I returned from Exile that I have been reconnected."

"Perhaps so, but the person who stood before the council for judgment ten years ago was only an empty shell. It made my heart ache for the child I knew."

Via reached out with the Force to see if she could still touch his mind and her heart leapt when she felt him there again.

"_Yes, child, I'm still here. There was emptiness in your place for much too long."_

"_How? I thought the bond was broken when I lost my connection."_

"_I could not say how. The nature of your bonds has always eluded me. But it is enough to know that it has survived. Take peace in that."_

She closed her eyes for a moment and basked in the delightful and familiar warmth of his aura. Even more amazing was the peace that radiated from the spot where they were connected. As she relished the regained bond she felt his peace drift over her and she was inexplicably content for the first time in ages.

Aloud he asked, "So why have you come? I imagine you have little love for any on the council, even an old friend."

Her eyes fluttered open and she tried to sort through all the questions she had. "I don't even know really… there are so many things that I need to understand. So much has happened." After a moment more she asked quietly, "How could you let them cast me out?"

The sorrow on his face was visible as he tried to find the words to answer. "You have to understand that it was a time of great uncertainty. We just learned that Darth Revan was back with an armada… But there's more to it than that. I think you deserve an explanation…"

Kavar stopped suddenly and looked up sharply as Colonel Tobin entered the room and began to head their way. "I must get back to the palace. Run!" He instructed as he threw a stasis field at the Colonel's soldiers and sprinted for the door.

Alevia only stood bewildered as she watched him sprint away. "_Wait! I have so much to ask you!"_

Through the bond she heard him reply, _"I will send word when it is safe and I can see you. Until then be careful, child, and explanations will be yours when we meet again."_

* * *

Atton met her at the foot of the _Hawk's_ ramp upon her return to the ship. She had been turned away speaking to Bao-Dur and Mandalore as she stepped out of the jungle and as she turned toward Atton he started visibly at the change that had come over her. Her bright smile lit up her whole face and she looked years younger than she had just a few days ago.

"Woah, Levy…" he said as he blinked, trying to take her in. "You look…"

"Radiant," Bao cut in.

Atton's attention shifted to Bao-Dur for a brief second while he nodded his agreement. "Yeah, you've got this… glow."

Mandalore snorted as he passed by them and headed up the boarding ramp as if he belonged there. The contemptuous expression puzzled Atton for a moment until his face blanched and he blurted out, "Oh skrag, Levy, you're not pregnant are you?"

Alevia's eyes widened in surprise while Bao teased Atton. "It's not mine. Everyone knows that Zabraks and humans can't interbreed."

"Levy, I thought you… uhh…"

Her bright laugh filled the air around them as she put her hand on Atton's arm and shook her head. "I promise you, I'm not pregnant."

"Oh thank the Force… I mean…" he squirmed as her smile shifted into a questioning stare.

"Go on. I want to hear this."

"Well, you know… we're not exactly cut out to be parents…"

Her stare became more intense as he looked to Bao-Dur for help. The Zabrak shrugged. "Hey, don't bring me into it… you and the General need to work this one out for yourselves."

Alevia took pity on her pilot and offered, "Perhaps what you meant is that it would not be prudent to embark on such a huge undertaking as parenthood until after the mission is complete."

"Yeah… that's it…"

She grinned broadly as he realized the trap he'd just walked into.

Bao-Dur shook his head and taunted, "Sucker," as he headed up the ramp.

Alevia raised her eyebrows at her pilot and after Bao was out of earshot asked, "So, you wanna make a baby?" His eyes widened in surprise as he stuttered for a moment. "It could be a lot of fun." She took him by the hand and pulled him to her. "Or, we could just skip the baby part and just have the fun."

Atton's relief rolled off him as he broke a grin and lifted his hand to her cheek immediately becoming distracted again by her skin tone. "Force, Levy, your skin is softer and everything."

"Was I really so bad before?"

"No, of course not, but this is…"

"It's the Force."

His hand dropped to his side as though she might burn him. "The Force?"

She nodded. "When one is really connected with the light side it can sometimes manifest itself visibly."

"Does all of you glow like that?" he asked as he gaze drifted downward toward the v-neck of the tunic she wore.

"Only one way to find out."

She took him by the hand and drug him through the jungle with her, stopping when they'd entered a nearby clearing. She began to unfasten her tunic and as it loosened more skin was exposed.

Atton shook his head in amazement. "Damn, they do glow."

She grinned and placed his hand on her breast, closing her eyes as he instinctively began to torment her with his fingertips. A moment later he had wrapped his arm around her and moved closer, teasing her ear with his tongue. She sighed and relaxed in his embrace.

"There's something that seems a little wrong about me touching you this way," he murmured between hot kisses on her neck.

"Why's that?"

"You just seem so pristine… seems wrong to dirty you up this way."

She pulled her head back for a moment and met his eyes. "Then make love to me instead." She leaned in to kiss him but his arms went stiff and his lips were unresponsive.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Damn it, what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"What?"

"I can't take you screwing with my head."

"I meant it. You love me, don't you?"

"As you've pointed out to me time after time, what's that got to do with anything?"

She rolled her eyes. "Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much…"

"Except you don't." The bitterness dripped from his words. You're screwing half the crew and who knows how many spacers since Telos."

"Actually, there's been only you for a while now."

"That's a load of ronto skrag and you know it."

"Okay… a couple of weeks… since Dantooine, anyway."

"What? The Zabrak not doing it for you anymore?"

"Bao and I decided to end our affair. Though we're still very close."

"And you didn't think to tell me about this development?"

"I'm telling you now."

"You're a piece of work. I guess now I know why you were so miserable on the way here. The Zabrak dumped you and I'm the consolation prize. Screw that."

He stalked out of the clearing mumbling something about always attracting the crazy schuttas and Alevia stood bewildered a moment before fastening up her tunic and heading back to the ship. She couldn't really blame him for his reaction. She'd made him jump through too many hoops, had been too indecisive and had flat out used him. He deserved better.

Once she reached the ship she took a deep breath and reached out to pull strength from the Force before heading up the ramp.

* * *

Alevia floated through the passageways of the _Hawk _as if on a cloud of tranquility. She now wore the robes that she had forsaken for so long – the robes of a Jedi. She hadn't realized just how much of her reluctance to wear them had come from her own lack of peace. She had believed her excuse that she was just trying to fit in, or rather, not stand out. But once she had restored her connection to Kavar the peace that comes from being in tune with the Force had bathed her in an ethereal beauty that seemed to fill the dark corners of the ship and it made her realize just how long it had been since she had felt like a Jedi.

Her crewmates couldn't keep their eyes off of her. Each had questioned her about her experience in Iziz, trying to understand what had changed, but Alevia had explained that it was just the Force. She refrained from mentioning that this sudden peace had originated in finding such a large chunk of her former self in her bond with Kavar. Only Bao-Dur who had witnessed the transformation firsthand realized its trigger.

She didn't know exactly why she didn't want it to be common knowledge, she just wanted to hoard all of energy from the bond for herself and there was a small part of her that worried that if she told anyone that the peace and contentment would trickle away and her former misery would regain its foothold.

Shortly after their return to Dxun their crew grew again. This time it was a Sith assassin that had snuck on board and attacked Alevia in her dorm. There was something different about this one, though. There was a weariness that seemed to pervade every swing of her saber and Alevia found herself wanting to ease the all too familiar misery that was etched in the woman's face.

When the woman collapsed at the end of their battle, Alevia carried her to the medbay and the crew gathered around as they began to treat her. Each had different pieces of advice for dealing with the Miraluka, but Alevia could only see someone who needed a place to rest and recover from the tragedy that had befallen her people. She felt a kinship with this woman that had felt the deaths of thousands through the Force, just as she had once.

Perhaps it was Visas' need to rest that made Alevia delay their trip to Korriban. Or maybe she wasn't quite ready to face the darkness she feared lurked there. But either way, she had offered to help Mandalore gather some more of his people and Nar Shaddaa seemed like a great place to do that. She also wanted to show Mira the spot near the Red district where Kreia had revealed the Force to her so clearly. She had a feeling that Mira would be able to appreciate the energy of the Smuggler's Moon.

It was while they were on this journey that Mical sought her out while she was alone in her dorm. She sat crosslegged on her bunk, her robes pooled around her and studying a datapad that contained all the information she'd been able to find about Miraluka and their colony on Katarr.

"Via, might I trouble you for a moment?"

She smiled up at him and patted the bunk next to her. "Of course."

He watched her intently as he crossed the room and perched himself on the edge of the bunk, twisting his upper body to face her.

"I want to apologize for my earlier behavior."

"There's nothing to apologize for, Mical. You didn't do anything."

"I did. I thought less of you… and that was wrong of me."

"Was it?"

"It was. I still cannot quite make sense of it, for myself, but it is not my life and I shouldn't have been so quick to judge."

"Well, it's very kind of you to say so, but I did try to warn you."

He nodded soberly. "But for some reason I assumed you had left most of that when you regained your connection to the Force."

She chuckled softly. "If only it were that simple, Mical."

"Isn't it?"

She sighed. "I don't know anymore. Maybe it is."

He studied her intently for a moment and then asked, "What happened on Onderon?" Even though she knew what he was referencing she gave him a questioning look, prompting him to add, "I mean… there's been something different about you, ever since you got back. There is a glow… you seem… better… than you were."

She nodded. "I feel it, too. I'm more calm, more at peace."

"Well, it looks good on you, whatever its cause."

A coy grin spread over her face. "Why Mical, are you flirting with me?"

He blushed. "I would not call it that so much as admiring."

"And the difference is?" she teased him.

"Intent, perhaps?"

"Fair enough. Though I have to say, the way you're looking at me is adorable."

His blush deepened. "Forgive me."

"Again, there's nothing to forgive, Mical. You are almost perfect."

"Almost?"

"Mmm," she agreed without elaborating.

A grin played at the corners of his mouth. "I believe, Via, that you _are_ flirting with me."

"Should I not?"

He gazed into her eyes, trying to decide how to answer the question and he became distracted.

After a few moments he whispered, "This is how I remember you. I'd almost convinced myself that I was just being nostalgic. That you didn't really glow and your aura didn't sing with the Force."

"I was very much at peace in those days – before the war started, while Master Narev was still looking out for me."

He nodded, not taking his eyes off her for some time until he suddenly dropped his eyes to the floor. "Forgive me, I…"

She reached out and patted his hand. "You realize you're seeing me through the Force?" He nodded. "How long have you been feeling it again?"

"Some time, I think. I'm not sure, but being with you has seemed to awaken the connection I once had, even when I have been trying to supress it."

"Let me help you recover what you've lost. You are a Jedi. You've always been a Jedi. It's time you received some training to help you along your path."

"Yes," he answered slowly, "I think I would like that."

"Meditate with me," she instructed him as she turned to make room for him on the bunk.

He centered himself on the foot of the bed and slipped into a kneeling meditation pose that seemed like second nature to him and was surprisingly more masculine that she had expected.

As their breathing slowed, Alevia guided him through the meditation with soft, spoken words.

"Relax. Open your mind. Feel the life around you. Feel the vibrations of the ship and its crew. Count each breath you take." She felt his consciousness expand and the full effect of the Force swam between them. She had known that his connection was never entirely gone, but was still surprised at how easily it seemed to come to him once it began to flow. She decided to try a more in depth meditation to test his abilities.

"Count backwards with me as we use our own breath to expand our awareness." They began to inhale and exhale their long, slow breaths in unison. "With each exhalation, reach out with the Force and feel its connection to everything your breath surrounds."

She gave him a moment until she felt him begin to visualize his breath floating through the room. "You are your breath. Your breath is life. Life is the Force.

"You are connected to everything you breathe in and everything your exhaled breath touches."

She expanded her own awareness to join in the meditation and felt the energy of the warm, moist air dissipate into the room. She tried to keep track of every molecule as it floated away from her and was amused as her breath and the breath of her student began to collide and intermingle. A few breaths later, her breath had filled the space between them and began to curl around Mical in willowy tendrils.

With her next inhalation, she returned her awareness to her own body and was overwhelmed by the warm sensation of his breath surrounding her. Every inch of her skin tingled and she savored the unexpected intimacy. Gently she nudged at his mind, and found him in a similar state. She slid along his consciousness and as he became aware of her presence she felt his body shift from warm and relaxed to hot and anticipatory. She let out a ragged breath and at once Mical's eyes popped open meeting hers with a hunger and longing that made her insides jolt in response.

He kept her gaze as he leaned forward. Only dropping it when he touched his lips to hers and their breath intermingled. The heat and moisture intensified as his tongue found hers. She let her hands drift up from her knees and wrapped around the back of his neck, pulling him closer as their kiss deepened. He didn't kiss like she'd thought he would. She had expected him to be more timid, with each subtle movement a request for permission to continue. But there was nothing timid or subservient about this kiss. Instead he seemed to relish every moment of contact as if savoring a long awaited treat.

He leaned into the kiss, propping himself up with one arm while his other found her waist. Slowly, he let his fingers drift up her side until his knuckles grazed her breast, sending shivers down her spine. She leaned back in her bunk pulling him over her and as he settled between her legs there was a flash of heat and desire as their auras mingled that seemed to bring him to his senses.

"Via..." his voice seemed to plead with her for mercy and she let her hands drop from his neck, though her knees still pressed against his hips.

He shifted his weight backwards so that he was sitting between her legs, gazing down at her. She started to apologize but he just shook his head at her. After a moment he pulled her up to sitting and turning her around so that she was facing away from him, he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. She could still feel the heat of his desire, but he held her in that embrace until it had ebbed somewhat.

She felt his thoughts jumble about her as he tried to find words. She tried to apologize again, knowing in hindsight that she shouldn't have attempted a meditation like that with any man while sitting in her bed.

He wouldn't let her, though, shaking his head when she began to speak again. Finally he pressed his lips to her ear and whispered, "I suppose this is a bad way to begin my life as a Jedi."

She couldn't keep from giggling. "It probably just means that you picked the wrong master."

"No… It means I picked the right one, so many years ago… I have loved you for so long…"

She inhaled sharply at his words and he tightened his embrace. "Forgive me, I shouldn't have said that, but I'm not sorry I did."

She tried to turn so she could look at him but he continued to hold her close. "Via," the name dripped with regret as he began to loosen his grasp.

"Mical, don't be silly."

"I can assure you that silliness is the last thing I am feeling right now."

She separated herself from him and turned to look at him again. His eyes still shone with hunger and she found herself moving toward him again, meeting his lips with a hunger of her own. She pushed her tongue between his lips and he captured it – holding it in his mouth with a slow, tantalizing suction as he savored her again.

When he finally released her the hunger had slowed somewhat and she caught her breath as she leaned her forehead against his.

"Now what?" she asked, bewildered by the complete lack of control she seemed to have over this physical interaction.

"Now… now I wrap these moments into my psyche and treasure them until there is a better time to express such things."

"And what am I supposed to do until then?"

He nuzzled her hear softly. "Do you love me, Via?"

She began to stutter. "I…"

He chuckled softly as he gazed down into her bewildered face. "When you can answer that question without hesitation in the affirmative, then… I promise you… I will gladly abandon all restraint. Until then, though, we will have to be a bit more careful. No more meditations in your bed, for certain."

He disentangled himself from her once again and scooted to the edge of the bunk using every ounce of willpower he had to push himself to his feet.

"Regardless of this surprising turn of events, I do hope that you will be willing to continue training me. I would be honored to call you Master."

She had to suppress amusement to keep from making a joke that was much better suited to her pilot and nodded. "I would be happy to." He bowed respectfully and then turned and left her alone in the dorm.

She sighed in frustration as she fell back onto her bunk. It was the first time in ages that she was surrounded by men who found her attractive and couldn't get laid if her life depended on it. The Force was just cruel sometimes.

Though she knew Kavar was too far away for any real communication to be done over their bond, she pushed a thought towards the warm place in her aura that he was responsible for. _This is all your fault. _


End file.
